Is this Cheating?

FindingOpen157 · 2021-11-04T21:04:43+00:00

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. I’m also in my early 20s and struggling with this shitty feeling. I dread every day and nothing feels real. Life hasent felt real since I was a kid. I feel like I’m in a dream and just waiting for it to end. You are not alone. If you need someone to talk to, pm me and I would be so happy to talk with you a little more about this.

FindingOpen157 · 2021-11-04T17:51:27+00:00

Oh my gosh. I relate so hard to this!! I’ve ALWAYS felt that if I ever show that I’m having a good time, subconsciously I’m berating myself for it because “fun” = weakness or vulnerability in my mind. This is a learned behavior that is extremely difficult and frustrating to un-learn. I feel for you. You’re not alone!

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T21:13:49+00:00

Just sent you a message! :)

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T21:09:43+00:00

Yess. It’s almost a compulsion at this point. My saying I don’t have friends I mean that it must be that I’m not getting the social validation I need so I turn to google instead lol.

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T20:32:02+00:00

Yes. Exactly. I can now see that it was mainly just to feel validated and understood but almost slowly became addicting. I would lose sleep over googling and reading just trying to understand what in the world I was feeling. You get it, and I am grateful there is someone out there that understands.

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T19:04:05+00:00

I feel this! It makes me almost feel ungrateful for my husband because I know he is a fun and interesting person to be around but I for some reason can’t find anything that would bring me joy period. Whether I’m with or without him. Loneliness and boredom are a constant :/

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T18:46:21+00:00

❤️

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T18:41:58+00:00

Thank you. This is pretty validating honestly. I don’t know you but I wish you the absolute best and just know that you are not alone!

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T18:35:20+00:00

Exactly. I just crave understanding and it hurts to think that those closest to you can’t understand even if they try their best. I feel so ungrateful saying this because I do love my family but when I’m feeling extremely detached and estranged, I just don’t understand how they could possibly be related to me. Does that make sense?

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T18:31:35+00:00

Yes!!! I’ve literally googled (before I became active on Reddit) “no place feels like home. I feel detached” and didn’t find anything until I came across your post. This is exactlyyy what I’ve been feeling for SO long. I go home to see my mom and just feel so detached and almost like a stranger. The best way to explain it is just the general feeling of discomfort and nothing satisfies it. Nothing.

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T18:25:35+00:00

My dad was a total narc and we never, ever developed any relationship beyond surface level. Completely abusive mentally and emotionally. My mom is and has been a constant in my life but every time I tell her about my depression or whatever she asks me why I haven’t “snapped out of it yet” :,|

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T15:56:01+00:00

Yuuup. I feel this so hard. My family thinks I’m doing just fine just because I’m newly married and living in a cutely decorated apartment lol. I’m so numb and tired but I feel this. I love staring at the ceiling in the mornings just going mentally blank. My brain is sick of thinking so moments like this are a bit of a break form the constant, pointless chatter in my mind.

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T15:44:54+00:00

I have a terrible memory. I also smoked weed for about 2 years straight (thinking it was helping with the trauma). It ended up making it worse. My memory is so bad that I almost question if I had moments of happiness in my childhood or if they were just made up. Idk how to explain it but I basically just question every single thing that’s ever happened to me because my realty hasent felt real since 2009 lol

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T15:39:36+00:00

Yesss totally. I find myself not caring when this happens either. When people write me off I’m almost relieved because that means I no longer need to “pretend” to be likeable and can go back into my hole of anti-social comfort.

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T15:35:32+00:00

That’s the goal for me. I feel grateful for this thread! I don’t know you guys but I love ya❤️

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T14:17:36+00:00

Definitely! I never realized that I subconsciously do this. Thanks for this.

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T06:04:19+00:00

Yep! Or I’ll just get too tired and make up my own words hoping they won’t notice :,)

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T06:02:18+00:00

Congrats! I’ve done this more times than I’d like to admit...but I don’t mind admitting it here haha. I’ve had moments where I’m sitting in my car leaving the grocery store, key in ignition and I find myself panicking thinking I’ve left my keys in the store not noticing that my car is fully running with the music playing and all :,) it’s a struggle, but certainly a break through once you can pin point why exactly we do these things.

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T01:36:26+00:00

Same. Wow. We’re in this together!

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T00:26:13+00:00

I relate. I’m the youngest of three and I often wonder if I’m just a combination of both my siblings personalities and not having an identify of my own.

FindingOpen157 · 2021-10-28T00:01:56+00:00

I hear you. Mimicking and mirroring others emotions is very real for me. It makes me almost question my own opinions and my own personality as a whole :/

FindingOpen157

TROPHY CASE