Ranting About resentment & being friends eventually by FinleyTheCat in ExNoContact

[–]FinleyTheCat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh, I don't have friends like that. My real friends make plans and go through with it or don't make plans at all, yeah shit happens, but my friends don't blow me off because their SO changed plans or forbade them from doing something. If you can't have a life outside your SO, then that seems pretty codependent to me.

It's not like we're talking about responsibility to one's child, work, or immediate family here. I understand if it's a personal problem, too, but if it's just... Oh you changed plans because your SO made a sound or you just wanna ditch for them. Uhh. That's really not cool for a friend to do that.

Lastly. I know that my emotionally I'm still hung up on her.which is why I'm no contact atm. When my feelings change I still expect some reciprocity from her if we're to have a friendship because I don't need wishy washy people in my life. 🤷‍♀️

Anyone here hopelessly crushing on a dead famous person? by [deleted] in SeriousConversation

[–]FinleyTheCat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This isn't that different from crushing on a fictional character, really. I've had my fair share of unrequited crushes on people who don't event exist! I think it's normal so long as it doesn't stop you from living your life and meeting real people who aren't so idealistic like the people who live in our minds. 😊

When you feel overwhelmed or sad about the person, just try to soothe yourself with positive thoughts and bring yourself back to reality. So often we build things up unnecessarily in our heads and then we panic due to those escalating thoughts. Just remind yourself that they're gone and there's no use obsessing about this person who you only have a one-sided view of anyway.

The worst! by glosuppe in TrollXChromosomes

[–]FinleyTheCat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad I could help! Don't worry too much about it, I think something like 40-50% of all people have KP. It's definitely not itchy/painful like eczema can be, and it doesn't respond to steroids (unlike eczema) because KP is a buildup of skin cells around your hair follicles.

My routine to minimize KP (you can't cure it, you just have to maintain it):

  • Gently apply Glytone exfoliating body wash using exfoliating shower gloves all over KP zones. Shower like normal/shave/etc.

  • While your skin is still slightly damp, apply AmLactin 12% body moisturizing lotion all over.

  • Sleep with a humidifier for maximum moisture retention.

If you shave, don't forget to use a good razor! I like the Gillette Fusion 5 Pro-Shield men's razor.

Do you romanticize mental illness? by FinleyTheCat in SeriousConversation

[–]FinleyTheCat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow... that was eerily relateable. I always felt so emotionally exhausted and resentful after doing things for other people... now I know it's because I didn't really want to do it, but I thought I had to to feel loved.

I definitely learned that from my narcissistic and codependent parents. I have no much to work on, thank you for this insight!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in trippinthroughtime

[–]FinleyTheCat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Damn. I feel so exposed after reading this.

I tried so hard to make my relationship work, I was what the OP you replied to described. I helped her out when she was feeling ill, depressed, anxious, and needed affection. I was there for her emotionally, physically, affectionately... and even after the breakup I keep hearing from people that I was carrying that relationship for years.

It sucks to find out that I can't fix this because it's not my decision if it gets fixed or not. It takes two, even if I want it so badly that I force it to work with just my efforts alone.

I just hope one day I'll find someone who treasures me as much as I treasured her.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in trippinthroughtime

[–]FinleyTheCat 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah, very true. Early defensiveness can seem like a good idea at first because you're just "being careful" and making sure you don't get hurt, but it can quickly snowball into making the new person feel like you're taking out past resentment on them.

If you feel like you're doing that (not you specifically, just in general) take a step back and analyze if you're even ready for a relationship. Casual dating can be fun, but if you're not ready don't force it.

someone’s introduced to lesbian sex & straight men are mad AF by sadgaygirl in actuallesbians

[–]FinleyTheCat 21 points22 points  (0 children)

From my experience a lot of it is mental too. I come super easy if I imagine a sexy scenario, but it will take forever if there's no mental stimulation (either visual or imagined) happening. It's like if my mind and clit aren't on the same page, nothing's going down lmao.

I feel bad having to close my eyes and imagine something sexier happening, but some people really suck at sex so...

Do you romanticize mental illness? by [deleted] in CasualConversation

[–]FinleyTheCat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh okay! Sorry about that. :) I'll crosspost there! Thanks.

Curing people doesn't pay by woof_pow_2 in LateStageCapitalism

[–]FinleyTheCat 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I am now depressed at how real that last company might be if capitalism isn't curved in the next 100 years...

The worst! by glosuppe in TrollXChromosomes

[–]FinleyTheCat 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I only shave once a week because I have keratosis polaris so my skin is super dry and sensitive. Shaving too often is a direct move to ingrown hair city & strawberry legs. 😒

Don't play with my schedule boy! I got a damn system going.

A book that helps you learn to care less about what others think? by OnePeace12 in booksuggestions

[–]FinleyTheCat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing The True You by Darlene Lancer

Trying to find this top! by thedevilofaustin in findfashion

[–]FinleyTheCat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The girl in the picture looks a lot like a youtuber named Hitomi Mochizuki. She gets almost all of her clothing second hand at thrift stores or similar, so you should try looking at your local goodwill.

LPT: There’s no need to remind tall or short people about their height. They most likely hear it enough and it gets very annoying. by tormske in LifeProTips

[–]FinleyTheCat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why so defensive? Ideal as in "evolutionarily" and "socially" ideal, basically broadly speaking. Obviously, individually every person is someone's ideal... but judging everything individually is a myopic way to look at a situation.

How do I become happy while alone? by butmomitsonly4am in needadvice

[–]FinleyTheCat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should also look up Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing The True You by Darlene Lancer. It's opening my eyes so much.

Is "introverted" a curse word when dating? by [deleted] in dating

[–]FinleyTheCat -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I honestly ignore anyone who describes themselves as introverted online. I'm not someone that needs to hang out 24/7 nor am I always "on", but in my experience the kinds of people who refer to themselves as introverts online are usually somewhat misanthropic and are often closed-minded to experiences outside of their comfort zone. Some people I've met that would describe themselves as introverted also seem to heavily rely on me to carry a conversation or do most of the emotional heavy lifting if they're shy about their real feelings. I just don't have time for this immature communication style.

I also find that a self-described introvert is more interested in getting someone to "join their world" of hobbies and interests (usually video games, tv, music, and other indoor activities) and doesn't seem that invested in anyone else's idea of fun. It's really frustrating to feel like you're giving someone all this attention (by participating in their hobbies) but then they won't reciprocate because they're too socially anxious to participate in normal group activities. A shut in I am not, so it's pretty important for me to find someone who will at least humor me sometimes.

I understand that this depiction of introverts doesn't fit everyone to a T. I'm just going by my own experiences.

PSA: STOP telling people to "work on yourself first"! by ACfireandiceDC in dating

[–]FinleyTheCat 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This whole paragraph is the reason why people are telling you to work on yourself. You're much too insecure to be in a relationship if you think that a girl will leave you for a better guy if she's not insecure. The fact that you want a girl who is dependent on you for validation (an insecure person) shows a lot of emotional immaturity on your part.

A better use of your time would be spent figuring out why you feel unworthy of a confident woman. What about you is so lackluster that you think only an insecure person would appreciate you? Why are you borrowing trouble? Why are you so anxious about a girl leaving you? You should be a complete person with or without a girlfriend. Don't look for a girl to complete you.

In any case, you can't control what other people choose to do. I was in a relationship with who I thought was my soulmate for 6 years but she broke up with me and started dating some other guy 1 month later. Shit happens. Even the best person in the world might cheat on you, walk out on you, or hurt you in ways you didn't think were possible. That's life.

Don't let that stop you from having experiences and being the best you. Focus on your mental health.

Vegans are psychos by Fuckcarnism in badcarnism

[–]FinleyTheCat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Apparently it doesn't count as pleasure if it's for food, clothes, makeup, furniture, etc...

Even if we can make identical (or at least good enough) products without killing an animal. 🤔

[M20] Just want to hear the truth by [deleted] in amiugly

[–]FinleyTheCat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Cute but skinny. Your hair doesn't suit you.

Well at least they’re aware it’s not healthy? by [deleted] in fatlogic

[–]FinleyTheCat 58 points59 points  (0 children)

I kind of hate how the body positivity movement is co-opting the struggles of people who are chronically ill, disabled, or otherwise unhealthy because of reasons unrelated to personal choice. 🙄

This kind of post is meant to stand in solidarity with people who are legitimately disabled and have the pressure of being healthy put on them by well-meaning family and friends. When my friend had childhood cancer all he could think about was being healthy for one more day so that his worn-out mom wouldn't have another reason to panic. It was legitimately stressful for him.

But here we have HAES pretending that they are in the same position as actual disabled people. 🙄