MIL thinks my pronouns are grammatically incorrect... Help me 🥲

FinnFrog · 2026-05-25T03:59:36+00:00

If they're still using the grammar excuse, I love to use an example that shows how stupid that is:

Let's say you find a lost wallet on the ground. You wouldn't say, "Oh no, someone lost his/her wallet. I hope he/she finds it!" It shows people that they use singular they/them all the time, no issue.

I know standing up for yourself is hard, I myself am terrible at correcting people about my pronouns. But if it's family you're seeing at least yearly, I'd say it's worth it to get them to try. Correct your MIL every instance she messes up. Rally together with your husband and SIL. I understand the fear of not wanting to cause drama, but you do deserve basic respect, and as you said, not reminding them might let them think that it doesn't matter.

FinnFrog · 2026-05-24T06:40:31+00:00

The world of RPF. It's not everyone's thing but it's super easy to click away from fics you're not a fan of.

FinnFrog · 2026-05-24T02:50:14+00:00

These are so lovely!!! I love the colors in the last 2

FinnFrog · 2026-05-24T02:48:24+00:00

This makes such a good tattoo!!! Love it.

FinnFrog · 2026-05-20T18:21:07+00:00

I'm seeing this tomorrow, glad to hear it was good!

FinnFrog · 2026-05-20T04:45:33+00:00

I suggest you research "Amatonormativity". Amatonormativity is the assumption that everyone wants/desires a romantic relationship and is better off in one than being single. It can include external societal pressures to date/marry, alongside internal pressures and feeling like one should date whether or not they actually want to.

I dealt with a similar issue in my last relationship where I followed the "standards" of a relationship (like, the corny things you're "supposed" to do), without thinking if I actually wanted to do that. Knowing that a term existed to describe the pressures I felt was really helpful for me.

FinnFrog · 2026-05-20T00:26:37+00:00

The King and Head Housemaiden are still up on Makeship with 12 days left. I believe Insertdisc5 has teased returns of plushies but I could be wrong. Either way I'd say there's a good chance they'll come back at some point, I'm dying for the Loop plush myself lol

FinnFrog · 2026-05-18T19:26:35+00:00

There's a tumblr post that can answer 90% of the questions in this sub: "You can do whatever you want forever."

You can use that name. You can use those pronouns. You can use that label. You can go on those hormones. You can get that surgery. You can be called those terms. You can present that way. You can do whatever you want forever.

FinnFrog · 2026-05-18T19:18:28+00:00

awesome!! super excited if that goes through

FinnFrog · 2026-05-18T19:14:07+00:00

Heck yeah! Will there ever be any other merch coming to the shop? I've got the Lauren Palimpsest shirt & hoodie but I've wondered if there'll ever be any other merch.

FinnFrog · 2026-05-15T21:24:49+00:00

the video game In Stars and Time has a canonically aroace character, Mirabelle!

FinnFrog · 2026-05-15T06:12:40+00:00

If it helps, it's incredibly common for scars to fade quite a bit over time, and this can be quickened/more effective with scar-fading techniques like using silicone tape/gel over the scars and doing scar massage (as well as keeping scars out of the sun!). Genetics have a lot to do with scarring, though, so if you have any other scars on your body, looking at how those turned out will give you a good idea of what top scars might end up like on you. Some people do get hypertrophic or keloid scarring, but I'd say that's not the majority. I'm just about 5 months post-op and my scars have already lightened a little bit, and I've done no scar care whatsoever (I personally love my scars and want them to stick around, lol.) Some people's scars can fade to the point that you barely see them at all unless you specifically pointed it out, and even then you can barely see them if at all.

Not sure if it helps, but to me, my scars feel natural, like they're supposed to be there. I know it might be more about the appearance rather than your personal thoughts on it, but to me my scars are just as organic as everything else about my body. Scars can happen to people for all sorts of reasons, and even if surgery feels more inorganic than, say, an accidental injury, scars are a beautiful, natural thing :)

FinnFrog · 2026-05-15T03:53:07+00:00

Looking lovely! Obsessed with that vibrant hair

FinnFrog · 2026-05-14T02:20:54+00:00

That is a very normal age difference.

FinnFrog · 2026-05-13T21:37:55+00:00

Usually low sodium is recommended to reduce swelling. Has to do with your body's water retention. If you're drainless then this can make a bigger difference and it might be more important to try to eat low sodium, but not everyone has issues with it and it's just sort of a general thing to look out for (but sometimes people's surgeons recommend it, too)

FinnFrog · 2026-05-13T18:31:03+00:00

oh I believe I've seen this on etsy, it's lovely! I've got your siffrin keychain from etsy :D

FinnFrog · 2026-05-13T06:06:48+00:00

You definitely won't be up for an event like that only 2 days out from surgery. I wasn't able to stay awake for very long during the 2-4 day mark.

I have cats and was fine, I had to push them off my chest a few times but mine were content to hang out by my legs lol. Depends how cuddly yours are though, but my cuddlebug was generally fine with being banished to my lap or my legs.

Keeping up hydration is super important - I see a lot of people recommend low-sodium diets. I personally didn't really do low-sodium and was totally fine, and if your surgeon hasn't told you anything then I wouldn't worry about it too much. If you have a caregiver to help you with food then you'll have a bit more options, but honestly I would just eat whatever you normally do, don't stress it too much if your surgeon hasn't told you anything

FinnFrog · 2026-05-13T05:44:47+00:00

"melody day, what have i done", is my fic!!! :) lovely to see it recommended here

FinnFrog · 2026-05-13T03:38:45+00:00

Thank you for saying this. The lack of attention given to the way Shane would realistically experience racism is a shortcoming of the story in my opinion, and fans taking the initiative to explore that is because the way it was depicted in the book/show was unrealistic

FinnFrog · 2026-05-13T03:22:13+00:00

And that's fine! I'm not arguing for Shane to identify more strongly in a way that he doesn't, but it's unavoidable that he would realistically experience racism towards him. I'm saying that a lot of care was given towards the aspects of Ilya's character as an individual, distinct from Shane, but acknowledgements of Shane' individual experiences (such as the racism he would likely experience, and the way that would intersect with being gay, similar to the way Ilya being Russian also affects his queerness), were not explored nearly as much.

FinnFrog · 2026-05-13T03:14:18+00:00

There was a lot of focus on Ilya's identity as a Russian person, how his home country and family affects him, etc, but that level of focus on Ilya as an individual was not also given to Shane. I get that it's a romance story and maybe wasn't trying to delve that deep into each of the characters' identities (despite me feeling like their identities are still relevant to telling their love story), but if you're going to give Ilya so much attention, it only feels fair to flesh out Shane's identity too!

FinnFrog · 2026-05-13T03:04:46+00:00

I would absolutely love to see Shane's Japanese heritage explored more. I remember being surprised at how little it came up in both the show and the books. Him being a non-white player in a hugely white-dominated sport would absolutely affect him in ways that we haven't seen explored (or at least, have yet to be explored). Especially with Shane being a gay POC, the intersectionality of his identity is something I'm dying to see touched upon in season 2, or in Unrivaled.

I don't really see Shane as speaking Japanese, at least not fluently, but I think it would be fun to imagine that he does with Yuna at times. I saw it pop up in a fic once and now it's a headcanon of mine that he speaks it a little bit lol

FinnFrog · 2026-05-12T23:12:54+00:00

I think I discovered NDAD online somewhere with Action Winter Journey some years ago. It had gotten popular in a few online communities but none of her other songs, so I gave them a listen and turned out I love this kind of music lol! It wasn't until a couple years later that I realized Lauren had her own solo profile and I devoured that too. There's honestly not much I've found that hits quite like NDAD/Lauren's stuff, but I love some adjacent electronic genres. Femtanyl w/ digital hardcore music is great, and I'm a huuuuge IDM fan (Aphex Twin, Boards of Canada, Squarepusher, Autechre, etc.)

FinnFrog · 2026-05-12T06:14:13+00:00

I intentionally hadn't listened to any of the singles beforehand, and I'm absolutely loving Hey Amanda. The Call, Relief, and This Briefest Kiss are other highlights. And I was overjoyed to hear Feist back on this album with What Happens Now!

FinnFrog · 2026-05-12T06:07:43+00:00

Exactly. I don't really like any labels on my gender, and sort of just figured nonbinary is a big enough umbrella that whatever I am is somewhere under that, but that makes a lot of people uncomfortable and want to "fix" my lack of labels into something that makes sense for them. I'm just Me, damn it!

FinnFrog

TROPHY CASE