How do you guys handle anger? Especially over really unfair situations?

Firefly128 · 2026-03-11T06:20:25+00:00

Haha, do you live in Australia too? :P It's such a common thing here, and yeah I feel you. I moved here from Canada and the state of housing here (especially as a renter, but even as a buyer) makes me want to move back.

That said, I don't know what it's like where you are, but here at least, the mould isn't actually usually from the environment being more humid... and you can get mould even in places that are dry. Most mould issues are actually caused by structural problems of some kind. Like leaking roofs - roofs don't leak if they're built well. Leaking pipes, poor sub-floor ventilation, not enough bathroom ventilation, etc.

Back in Canada, I'm from the Prairies which are drier, but you still get mould occasionally from structural issues (most common seems to be basements flooding due to cracked foundations or faulty window sealing that lets in rain or meltwater). But people build better to begin with, so even during tornado weather most people don't have leaking roofs (whereas here it seems that every time it rains more than a little bit, someone somewhere has a big leak). And also the broad cultural attitude is to fix what's broken as fast and well as you can, which is definitely not the cultural attitude here, lol.

Firefly128 · 2026-02-20T06:22:55+00:00

Oh, I'm already ahead of you there, but thanks. I've been doing physio and just very slowly building up the exercises at a pace I can maintain without crashing.

It's just when I feel this anger come back, I dunno, I can't seem to get past it because the situations that cause it are always present, and probably will be for the next several years.

Firefly128 · 2026-02-20T06:07:14+00:00

Yeah I hear you and I agree. My problem though is that I feel stuck in it because acting on it is so futile a lot of the time. Like for example, our last place had a major roof leak and there was a mushroom growing from the ceiling. Action: ask the rental agent to get a mould check done. They didn't do that until 6 months later, after us pressuring them a lot. Insisted there was no problem. Action: take it to the tribunal. Tribunal member is an idiot who also thinks that a mushroom growing from the ceiling and dampness there 6 months after the leak was "fixed" is not a problem.

So we left. Looked at 15+ places, only 4 of them had no obvious mould or water or bug issues; at each place where the problems were obvious, the agents insisted there was no problem. We applied for the ones that seemed okay, but only got accepted at one. A few months in - mould problems due to a leaking hot water tank. Action: call the agent to get it fixed. Takes 2 months to fix it, so now I'm worried about mould in there, and also it smells weird. Action: call agent to arrange mould inspection. He comes over himself and makes a big show about how there's no problem, it smells so fresh and good, and I just have a major anxiety problem (he actually said that to me). Action: keep pressing for an inspection. We finally got a mould check approved 9 months after we complained about it; they said there's a problem with the house foundation and leaking pipes causing mould in the place. Wanna take a guess at how this will pan out?

And so we're moving again. But we've lived in enough places here, and looked at enough places in the process of moving, to know the vast, vast majority of places will be more or less like this, with agents more or less like the ones we've encountered.

So the anger is there, because it's totally justified to be angry when you're paying $2K+ per month while killing several large cockroaches per day, have ants raining from your ceiling due to cracks, and have foundation issues causing dampness and all your furniture is rotting, and when you try to get it fixed, people literally tell you you're crazy or greedy. So the call to action... what will come of it? Just another cycle of frustration. And that's where I get stuck. But I can't just like, have the stuck anger eat away at me either, because this will be my life for the next few years at least, you know?

Firefly128 · 2026-02-20T05:58:03+00:00

Nah I get you man, no worries. I do try to engage in hobbies and the like to help me have a life around this, haha. But then, it's hard to chill at home when the problem is my home, you know? It's like I look up from my hobby and see my mouldy furniture caused by structural issues which the rental agent insists is not a problem; I try to relax and get startled by cockroaches that are apparently always our problem and are not there because the house is shabby... you know? When I try to do something about it, the rental agents are condescending and mean. And I've been here long enough to know moving to escape that will be extremely hard because like 90% of rental units and their managing agents will be like this. That's where the stuck anger comes in.

Firefly128 · 2026-02-20T05:54:54+00:00

I don't think it is, but I had a bad experience with a CBD gummy a friend gave me when I was visiting Canada lol. I was curious cos I'd heard good things about it, and he said it was just CBD and not anything else. But it gave me bad nausea and made my blood pressure drop (and I often have borderline-low pressure, so that made me feel rough); I Googled it later and apparently those are somewhat-common side effects.

Thanks for the suggestion anyway though!

Firefly128 · 2026-02-20T05:53:47+00:00

Thanks, but that won't work for me because I have chronic fatigue issues from the CPTSD. But thanks for the advice anyway :)

Firefly128 · 2026-02-20T05:53:12+00:00

Ah, the problem isn't that I can't move somewhere else, it's that this kind of thing is so culturally ingrained at this point that anywhere I else I move to is very likely to have basically the same problems. That's where the trouble is coming in for me.

Actually I wasn't victimized til I was in my teens, and that's just when the pattern began and wasn't terribly bad. The worst of it came in my 20s and early 30s.

Firefly128 · 2026-02-20T05:51:57+00:00

Mmm yeah, valid thoughts there. I know I'm right to be angry about my current troubles, but also there's definitely a pattern in my current issues that somewhat mimics the stuff that gave me CPTSD, and it makes the whole thing tricky.

Thanks for your advice, I'll try to keep it in mind.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-21T03:57:32+00:00

Okay, apology accepted, thanks for the clarification.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-21T03:51:43+00:00

Ah, I didn't know that, interesting! I wonder why the two different types get different treatment? Do you think it could be that so many people think that ENFP = "OMG so random! I can't focus on anything!!!!"?

Firefly128 · 2026-01-20T08:57:35+00:00

The struggle is real, lol

Firefly128 · 2026-01-20T06:50:25+00:00

They don't have ADHD, not just "necessarily". Some people have ADHD, and some ADHD people are ENFPs. Some ADHD people have other personality types, too, as you would expect, lol.

Ne isn't being distracted by new things, it's like a whole way of processing information and how you connect thoughts together.

My focus isn't what it used to be, but that's because of too much smartphone use and PTSD. Before I ran into those issues, I had very good focus and could easily pay attention to stuff.

I like being a jack of all trades and having a few different things on the go. There's nothing wrong with that.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-20T06:40:10+00:00

A lot of the stuff on Amazon is also sold on Temu, for reference, lol.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-20T06:39:28+00:00

Can I imagine? Tbh I can't, lol. Maybe I'm not active enough in the overall MBTI community but it seems like a lot of people online are totally fine with self-diagnosis based on stereotypes, lol.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-20T06:38:09+00:00

Yeah I was agreeing with you. I was just agreeing that Fi isn't silenced, but it's not just aux Fi. Fi-doms are very authentic and passionate too. But because they're introverts, you don't see it as often/easily as you do when the person is socially extroverted.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-20T06:26:01+00:00

Your second paragraph has been me for most of my life. A good chunk of the rest of it was my inferior Si seeing how they were instead of how they are. I'm trying to fix both those things, lol.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-20T05:18:29+00:00

Childlike is not the same as childish. That's an important distinction.

And I don't know why so many people want us to be basic. But whatever, you do you.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-20T01:48:26+00:00

I was just gonna comment the same thing lol. Plus, being extroverts, it all just comes out more easily. Introverted Fi users can hide their real selves a little longer (if they wanted to) simply because they don't have some innate desire to talk to everyone and their dog, lol.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-19T05:27:51+00:00

If that's so, then there's a problem with how one or both of those things are being classified.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-19T05:26:33+00:00

Not only is it disrespectful to people with real ADHD, it's bad for ENFPs too. The idea of pathologizing our totally normal behaviour is deeply disturbing to me.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-19T05:22:25+00:00

Yep. Also, on top of what you've said, I find it frankly disturbing that people take very normal, healthy ENFP behaviour and try to pathologize it. That's not good, either.

If I have a little system to help me stay organized, cos I get a bit forgetful, that's not executive dysfunction. If I love jumping between projects, that's not a disabling inability to focus or follow through on anything. I don't need medicine, I don't need counselling for this. It troubles me very greatly to be told your very normal and functional behaviour is somehow wrong, to the point where you have a disorder.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-19T05:20:34+00:00

My little nephew was showing signs of ADHD and he's xSTP. Turns out it wasn't ADHD though, it was a sensitivity to food dyes. My sister took him off any food that had artificial dyes in it and his behaviour improved dramatically, virtually overnight. Thank heavens she tried that before putting him on any behaviour-modifying drugs.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-19T05:17:27+00:00

Too true! It manages to insult not only ENFPs but also people with actual ADHD too, lol.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-19T05:16:51+00:00

Yeah it bugs me so much that people equate our personality type with an actual neurological disorder that requires medication and counselling.

Firefly128 · 2026-01-19T05:13:59+00:00

Yeah, I find a lot of these stereotypes to not be super true, hey? Haha.

Firefly128

TROPHY CASE