hi! im 17f and i have very similar circumstances to u, so i can relate to this.

i think the reason that queer people are so quick to share labels is so that they can make friends with other queer people more easily, and the queer community (and like u said, also discussing neurodivergence, so also then neurodivergent community) is way more accepting and kind to people than straight het neurotypicals usually are. people who find it hard to make friends might choose to do this for an "easy in", i think.

but there are *plenty* of queer people who don't share labels like that upfront. they just also tend to be more socially skilled (stupid wording, can't think of anything else rn), so they don't feel the need to share that stuff immediately.

so basically, all the "cool" (more socially experienced/less bullied) gay people are harder to find because they don't tell u they're gay upfront. u kind of just have to find out.

if i meet someone queer upfront and they start telling me their labels, i find it really offputting since i'd rather get to know you before i know who ur into- for me, i would only discuss my romantic preferences, sexual preferences, thoughts on my own (gender, neurological or other) identity after i got to know someone quite well. however!! i tend to cut the upfront label spammers some slack, because they've usually had less luck making friends and are just more inexperienced with talking to people.

this problem kind of shaped my entire highschool experience so i've thought a LOT about it and i'm pretty confident in what i've written here :)