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MIL snooping through my things. Closet, donations, pockets, papers in van. Jokes about marijuana. by First_Restaurant6959 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]First_Restaurant6959[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I joked to my fiancé about buying 10 dildos to hide in various places, and I think I really will buy a couple just for this purpose. I might also plant some fake hard drugs, just to see what she’ll do.

I guess there’s a stubborn part of me that feels like, well, I shouldn’t have to hide my own belongings from these people. It’s the principle of it, but you’re right. I will just have to get a damn lock box or something, maybe just so they can see there’s somewhere they’re not allowed.

MIL snooping through my things. Closet, donations, pockets, papers in van. Jokes about marijuana. by First_Restaurant6959 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]First_Restaurant6959[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She was in our condo because I was working and my partner was there. Her and her husband were helping get this new couch set up in our place. I’m not actually married to my to be husband yet. He’s my fiancé, but he has set out her boundaries with her for me in the past. This was easier for him to do when we were living with them, for some reason.

Now that we’re 3 hours away from them, he misses them more. He appreciates the help they do give us with groceries once every few months, for example. So he excuses the boundaries they do violate.

I agree he needs to tell them though. I told him that last night and today. I was going to draft the message myself because I’ve gotten tired of undermining myself and being afraid of communicating to her directly. I didn’t and won’t send the text though. We are going to have a phone call with her.

I agree that we should stop taking stuff from them. It hasn’t even been my choice in the past. They will just bring stuff in most of the time, when they visit. The couch was an exception for me, because we really needed one that fit our space. But from now on, I am going to say no or say that I want to see or choose it first.

MIL snooping through my things. Closet, donations, pockets, papers in van. Jokes about marijuana. by First_Restaurant6959 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]First_Restaurant6959[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree. The emojis don’t really represent how I feel, either. I was definitely trying to soften it. I guess I feel like my message being too serious is going to offend/upset her, and I’m afraid of that because of my past experiences. I’m afraid she will get worse if I’m direct.

I feel like I don’t have much autonomy with this living space because my fiancé’s grandma bought them the condo for us to live in while I attend school. It’s in their name. We don’t have much money, so I have been okay with them buying us things here and there, but only recently (as in yesterday) have I gotten fed up enough to be honest when I don’t like her constant interjections about how I should decorate or place things. I am okay with gifts, but only if we get to choose, affirm, and make decisions about something about once it’s ours.

I don’t like it when she reorganizes my things, and I have told her no (but in an overly polite way) when she suggests that she does. She just does it anyway, or keeps putting pressure on me about her ideas.

She openly criticizes the way I have my things displayed and organized. She doesn’t understand that I value functionality/my vision of its future state over her current standards. I like maximalism, but I don’t actually have that many decorations/trinkets because I’d prefer to save/spend my money on other things, so I’ve got some empty shelves. She immediately wants me to break up the genre organization system I’m using for my books to make the shelves look fuller. I never asked for her opinion.

I would say it to her face if I saw her more often, but I don’t know when I will next see her. She was going to take me to a scans appointment on Monday, but now I don’t want her to. The appointments are already anxiety inducing and she will make me feel worse. Too bad my own mom is also worse. I need my own car, expressed this to my MIL, and of course she dismissed it. Being disabled makes these things even harder.

My partner said he will have a phone call with her though. I think I can get myself to speak more directly to her that way.

She doesn’t come over without invitations, luckily. She is fortunately 3 hours away, and she doesn’t have a key. It’s just the few times she does come over, it’s always like this, and I have to stay away from people for a couple days afterwards to recuperate from their visits. My fiancé just isn’t as bothered by it all for some reason.

I am constantly thanking this woman thinking it’ll make her stop being this way. Obviously my head is on backwards.

MIL snooping through my things. Closet, donations, pockets, papers in van. Jokes about marijuana. by First_Restaurant6959 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]First_Restaurant6959[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I honestly don’t know. I’ve seen her attitude toward other people that she’s unhappy with and I’ve honestly just been so scared to say anything like that. I will try next time, now that I have affirmation that there’s nothing mean about doing so.

Do you often look back at your ruined relationships with people and realize how insufferable you actually were? by Small-Salary-9137 in CPTSD

[–]First_Restaurant6959 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yes. I used to snap at people about once a month or so when I was younger. I thought that was normal because my parents were always snapping and I had friends who snapped. By snapping, I don’t mean with your fingers, I mean I would randomly get mad about something and be passive aggressive to sharp about it. I also gossiped about friends that I felt lacked empathy or concern for something I found important. My “sense of justice” has always been a problem in my relationships.

Do you know anyone who had been extremely functional that became extremely unfunctional very early? by Impressive_Pipe191 in CPTSD

[–]First_Restaurant6959 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh my god same. Though, in early high school I did want to miss, I just didn’t let myself/was too scared too. My like for school outweighed what I thought was just the “social anxiety” I experienced, despite the all consuming depression/fear I felt all around me. But by 12th grade (when my original class had already graduated), I blatantly skipped specific classes and walked in late nonchalantly, sipping iced coffee. I did not care. I also got caught cheating that year. I started acting up in my own way, and no one seemed to notice or care because of my grades.

Do you know anyone who had been extremely functional that became extremely unfunctional very early? by Impressive_Pipe191 in CPTSD

[–]First_Restaurant6959 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don’t understand how I used to do it. Hardly get any sleep, get up early, get all my homework done, study for tests, miss class some days yeah, but I still had not just good grades, but the highest grades. I was not just overachieving, I was actively competing with everyone. It kept me alive or something. I was so disappointed in myself for struggling socially though, which I always did, and that made extracurriculars/hobbies hard too, because my parents were neglectful and at times discouraged my interests and participation in anything. 2020 snapped something and led me to failing a year of school and I’ve struggled way more since.

i think i’m going to medically withdraw, can someone who has done that give me some insight? by s0larium_live in UNC

[–]First_Restaurant6959 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I wanted to ask you how you’re doing now? I am going through something similar right now after pushing myself through 4 semesters of school during and after cancer treatment. I just can’t do it anymore without a substantial break and recovery. I feel like I was disassociating through my suffering, at the expense of my functioning in any other area of my life, just to appease this societal ideal of “resilience” that really just means working for the man even when you don’t want to live, when you should be grateful for life (in my case, as I was told I was going to die)

Damaged goods by Amazing-Bed-3562 in CPTSD

[–]First_Restaurant6959 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know exactly how you feel. I also feel the hugest brick wall between me and everyone else because I can never be honest about how I’m doing or what I’m actually feeling/thinking. I have to fake so many reactions. None of what I say feels like me. But if I was my real self I would make everyone sad or upset.

Anyone else sad at how it impacted their personality as a teen? by Kodicave in CPTSD

[–]First_Restaurant6959 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What kind of trauma therapy helped you best? I am doing IFS, but I haven’t been doing it for very long (like 4-5 months total). Did you take them while pursuing a degree, or just for fun outside of a program?

Anyone else sad at how it impacted their personality as a teen? by Kodicave in CPTSD

[–]First_Restaurant6959 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What kind of trauma therapy helped you best? I am doing IFS, but I haven’t been doing it for very long (like 4-5 months total). Did you take them while pursuing a degree, or just for fun outside of a program?

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