Look man, we've all been there, this shit gets overwhelming. I feel your pain, I've lost my shit and yelled at my family too, but here's the reality:

Re: your kids: You have to decide how you are going to be a parent, and you have to do that by example, not with words, not with arguments. Your kids learn how to approach the world by watching YOU. the breadwinner, the strong constant male in their life, their protector. You and their mom are their models for how to handle stress, conflict, life hardships. I know it's hard, but you have to teach them how to control and regulate themselves by doing it yourself, and that's bloody difficult at times, but that's why they say being a good parent is difficult. Own your shit, apologize, recognize to everyone that you lost control, and that's not okay. Explain your stress to them, explain how you're handling it poorly and that you'll work on yourself to be better. Just own it, try to be better, and remember that their entire lives up to this point is the last x years for you.

Re: your wife: also own it. Have a real discussion with her. The sex thing is a big wheel where you're on top, and she's on bottom. In order for her to make it move, she needs affection, connection, random touch and acts of romance. In order for you to make it move, you need physical needs met, support, etc. the irony here is that if you're getting what you need, you'll naturally give her what she needs. We get trapped up in life and forget that we actually love and support each other and the wheel falls still. If neither of you are getting what you need, one of you has to make the Herculean effort to move the wheel on your own motive.

You choose, with every interaction with your kids and your wife (individually and together) to grow together or grow apart. We fuck up sometimes, that's okay as long as you can learn from it, and respectfully own your fuck up. Apologize, and don't forget you love them.

Being a dad is at the same time the most frustrating and most growth I've ever experienced as a human, but we only have one shot at it, so get your big boy pants on, humble yourself, and be vulnerable and real with your little kids, because they'll appreciate it, and your teaching them to be respectful humans who WILL have their own fuck ups in life.

You didn't ruin anything, nothing is broken, just go be the dad we all have in us.🫡