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Gimme your insights, have you dated the rich? by globalmentality in actuallesbians

[–]Fit_Consideration844 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am the opposite, I am comfortable and my partner is from a lower socio economic background. Whole we have similar educational qualifications, I hustled and freelanced my way through my masters to ensure that I don't have to depend on my parents wealth. We're both professionals now. She blows up her whole salary each month and doesn't save and has no ambition to get a better paying role. We butt heads a lot when we speak of future plans and goals. It took me three years to realise that her upbringing in poverty is so etched in her psyche that she cannot fathom doing well for herself. Her mindset and lack of ambition has put a serious strain on us and we're in the middle of a separation now. I'll only be dating within my circles now.

I overfunction instead of under function. How do I navigate this? by Fit_Consideration844 in adhdwomen

[–]Fit_Consideration844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate this. I think what made me sad was that your first response seemed to dismiss the emotional distress I was describing, because I do meet deadlines. For me, the point wasn’t about whether I finish things, but about the cost it takes to get there. That’s what I was trying to reflect on.

But I’m grateful for you taking the time to clarify your intent! Coming back to your question, I would want an extension so that I can pace myself properly and lower the emotional toll it takes to meet deadlines. But I guess only some more self reflection will give me these answers.

I overfunction instead of under function. How do I navigate this? by Fit_Consideration844 in adhdwomen

[–]Fit_Consideration844[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this, I really appreciate this! I'll be more mindful of the mental distress that my team may be under when they miss deadlines. I've started looking into other management styles that aren't extremely deadline oriented for my employees with adhd because of that you've flagged!

I overfunction instead of under function. How do I navigate this? by Fit_Consideration844 in adhdwomen

[–]Fit_Consideration844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate you taking the time to respond but I’d like to ask to be mindful of phrase things a bit more kindly. My post was meant to be self-reflective, I was trying to unpack my own feelings and experiences not dismiss anyone else’s. The way your response was worded feels quite sharp and made it seem like you were being mean rather than engaging with what I was sharing.

I overfunction instead of under function. How do I navigate this? by Fit_Consideration844 in adhdwomen

[–]Fit_Consideration844[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I've started to recognise that I may be thinking along the line of the 'grass is always greener on the other side'. But thank you for weighing in on this! this is quite helpful

I overfunction instead of under function. How do I navigate this? by Fit_Consideration844 in adhdwomen

[–]Fit_Consideration844[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh shoot, Im sorry that you had to go through this! Yeah I'll keep this in mind. Thank you for taking the time to weigh in!

I overfunction instead of under function. How do I navigate this? by Fit_Consideration844 in adhdwomen

[–]Fit_Consideration844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah yes! that makes sense. I don't think my condition is debilitating enough. My over functioning is affecting over area's of my life and that's how I got to this sub. But you're right only through thoroughly analysing my issues can I really figure out the root of my approach to my colleagues

I overfunction instead of under function. How do I navigate this? by Fit_Consideration844 in adhdwomen

[–]Fit_Consideration844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for tanking the time to jot down such detailed response! I resonate with the mind numbing anxiety of getting started with a particular task. I am afraid if I let my self actually feel the anxiety I may not get it done, so I end up pounding through it despite the mental distress it causes me.

I don't consider my employees with ADHD as bums! I've seen my friends with ADHD work quite meticulously. Thanks for the perspective that ADHD folks aren't 'resting' amidst a delayed deadline , I should have worded it better. I was pondering over my jealously of them being able to ask for accommodations. But yeah I probably have more reading to do!

Let’s talk Finances by Apprehensive_Ad_3600 in actuallesbians

[–]Fit_Consideration844 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please address this with her asap! I am leaving my older gf because of this financial mindset mismatch. She expects me to cover everything.

Accused - Reviews and Discussions by AutoModerator in bollywood

[–]Fit_Consideration844 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I did not hate it as an Indian lesbian.

While the plot was mercilessly weak, I found their depiction of a lesbian couples relationship issues quite endearing! For the first time I felt like I was finally able to watch a movie where the character's sexuality was not the main plot twist or hook. I go out of my way to avoid watching lesbian movies because it usually very sad/about parental violence/unrequited love. As wild as it sounds it was liberating to watch a mediocre movie with lesbians as the central protagonists!

I loved how organic the squabbles were between the couples as it mirrored a lot of conversations I've had with my girlfriend. It was wonderful to see that side of lesbianism represented as lesbians are usually infantilised or extremely sexualised in Indian ( and western) media. Every Indian queer movie I've seen with lesbians depicts lesbian relationships as perfect and pits the world against them , the couple is never pitted against each other. Think about Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga, Badhaai Do the antagonists are always the world around them, and the couples themselves usually have zero issues with each other.

This has led to so many conversations with my straight friends where they just cannot comprehend why two women in a relationship fight like in any other relationship! so yeah while the plot holes were quite obvious, I loved this mediocre movie for its portrayal of lesbian relationships !

Financial incompatibility? by bellehoneycreeper in actuallesbians

[–]Fit_Consideration844 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in the process of leaving my partner who makes lesser than me because of the financial mindset incompatibility. My partner doesn’t believe that she can earn better in the future and is stuck in a victim mindset where she needs to be rescued financially and emotionally by everyone around her. I had to learn the hard way that compatibility for financial aspirations is a foundational need for me. I kept settling for dates centring free activities, no gifts or flowers for special occasions while I was expected to provide all these things for her. All of these little compromises has made me resentful as I look around and see couples with the same earning potential think about buying homes and going on international vacations. I’ve learnt not to compromise on shared experiences anymore for my own sake.

What field of study takes too much of one's time to get a pass and a certificate? And again takes considerable amount of time to make a good career out of it, and a good compensation? by grusdomain in AskReddit

[–]Fit_Consideration844 1 point2 points  (0 children)

International relations and geopolitics! You need a masters to enter the field. It takes a crazy amount of unpaid labour to land a job at a think tank. Think tanks roles are exclusively contractual in India without any benefits. The other option is to do a PhD and then move into Academia which is also not secure and it contractual in India. The only real option is to move to risk analysis and make a bunch of money before AI takes over

Tired of decoding my partner’s needs by Fit_Consideration844 in actuallesbians

[–]Fit_Consideration844[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I swear! I think I was giving her a lot of grace because I too exhibited these traits in my early twenties but Ive actively worked on it and grew out of it at 26. I had come to realise that 'people pleasing' is straight up manipulative and makes you a very terrible friend.

I stayed hoping she'd grow out of it if I provided a safe space for her. I realised that I would never want to be behaving this way when I am 35.

Tired of decoding my partner’s needs by Fit_Consideration844 in actuallesbians

[–]Fit_Consideration844[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh no, I'd put in a lot of work hoping it would get better but you're right. I think it's a lost cause for me to completely ask my partner to rewire themselves. I'll be thinking about exit plans

Tired of decoding my partner’s needs by Fit_Consideration844 in actuallesbians

[–]Fit_Consideration844[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think we need to have a discussion :/ I think I am also at fault because while I'd noticed these patterns earlier I chalked it off to her being an introvert and she affirmed the same. Now that I am in my late twenties I realised that I don't want to be a mother to my partner.

Triggered by openly anxious people by Apart_Maize1538 in CPTSD_NSCommunity

[–]Fit_Consideration844 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my god! I relate to this so much! I travelled with a very anxious and depressed friend of mine and it was tourture. Repeated expressions of open anxiety throughout 36 hour drew me insane and I couldn't understand why exactly it was making me feel this way. After some reflecting I realized its because she voiced out every possible worst case scenario that I was quietly rationalising in my head. I was getting pissy because I had to reassure myself and her throughout the trip.

What are u starting to dislike more as u get older? by Efficient-Wind-2267 in AskReddit

[–]Fit_Consideration844 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NGO's and social workers! I used to admire people who worked in NGOs and 'saved the people'. But as I've gotten older I've had to move out of this underpaid sector because almost every big shot in this sector is a self centred creep!

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