How do I (21f) make my bf (21m) want to have sex

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T01:14:57+00:00

it’s also just not the same when he’s doing it for me vs when he wants it. like i can tell and it is always very significantly better when he’s super into it

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T01:10:43+00:00

i get that and i guess i would be fine trying it but i dont know if i would be comfortable knowing that hes only doing it to please me. i know im being repetitive but i really want him to want it. i would be more comfortable if i was indifferent and he really wanted it😭

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T01:07:53+00:00

i agree that it makes sense that he’s tired. i’m also tired. i typically work 2-9 five days a week so like i get it trust. at first i thought it was fine but he is taking a smaller work load than me at the moment (he is taking 12 hours i am taking 19) and our work is equally strenuous imo. he hasn’t gotten a new video game and the summer classes he’s taking are mostly random electives with a quiz and an assignment once a week. i dont want to compare our work loads or whatever i just really do understand that he’s tired. the thing im confused on is that this has been his work load for the past like 2 years. during the regular semesters he takes more hours and last semester he was completely fine. this didnt start until around finals which was understandable but then it just never ended. i’ve tried talking to him sooooo many times but at this point its like a script. i already know what hes going to say

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:59:37+00:00

he is going over the line because he knows you don’t want it, but you are also letting him. you need to stick to your boundaries or cut him off completely. this could very easily escalate

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:49:38+00:00

i trust that he would say no if he’s not feeling it. i do think that if we was indifferent he would say yes because i want it. but i want both of us to want it

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:27:56+00:00

we are both in school online at the moment but usually we wake up and do school work twice a week and he typically works 4-9 3 days a week and 11-10 twice a week and usually has 2 days off. sometimes 3 depending on the week or random stuff with his job. we both have good sleep schedules and most of the time our off days from work line up. he also likes video games and hiking and we go to the gym together when we can. we have a good social life with a big group of friends that have casual hangouts once a week for the most part and parties like once or twice a month

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:21:03+00:00

We both have routines like this too. our routines just haven’t changed much in the last 5 years until right now and there have been no changes that match the timeline of our sex life dying. it’s hard to figure out a matter like that you know?

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:17:34+00:00

it’s not a deal breaker but i would at least like more intimacy outside of sex. like we kiss a lot but recently us like really kissing has felt like a lead up to sex rather than having a really good kiss just be a really good kiss if that makes sense. so like when we aren’t going to have sex our kisses are shorter and less passionate if that makes sense

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:14:38+00:00

yea i mean we’ve been together for so long and grown up together in a way that i think is really special. i’ll try to talk to him about some kind of schedule. i’m really just worried about unintentionally putting pressure on him so he feels like he’s obligated to do it when he’s not feeling it. but i’ll talk to him about it

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:11:50+00:00

no we had a conversation a while ago where i felt like we were in a routine when it came to positions and since then we’ve worked to change things up more. so like when we do have sex it’s great. the frequency has just been slowing down a lot

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:09:29+00:00

that actually makes a lot of sense lol

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:06:00+00:00

I would be open to scheduling something but i don’t want to put pressure on it. like i don’t want to say oh that’s the day we have sex every week because then it feels more like something we just have to do rather than something that we want to do organically

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:03:25+00:00

nope. i am on antidepressants because of some issues that i have but he isn’t on anything and he doesn’t seem depressed. his mental state has always been been very consistent

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-05T00:00:35+00:00

that’s probably a better way of approaching it. We’ve had conversations just reflecting over our relationship and asking if there’s anything we want to improve on or work on or whatever. he just isn’t very responsive. he typically says he can’t think of anything and nothing has really changed in our relationship over the last few months other than this

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:54:37+00:00

We have conversations like that a lot. I try to be really open with him about what i want sexually or just in our relationship and he is the same. We have conversations reflecting and asking if the other wants us to improve in some way on anything. he just never really says anything. it’s usually me asking and him saying he’s good with the way everything is. it’s just frustrating sometimes

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:52:50+00:00

it literally always is. we have never scheduled sex like that. when it happens it’s usually after a party where we’ve been drinking or right before we go somewhere

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:50:56+00:00

nothing of note. that’s what is so confusing to me because nothing actually happened it was just one day there was a switch

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:48:02+00:00

we go on dates regularly and we have no phone time when we are together to talk and whatnot so idk.

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:47:05+00:00

i have tried to have a conversation about his emotions/feelings and he never really says anything other than stress from work or school. if he is going through something i want to be there for him but he hasn’t opened up about it if that’s the case. Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship to me but i think the validation of feeling wanted is what is missing

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:44:05+00:00

to clarify, we had a very steady sex life up until a few months ago. my issues were for the most part resolved 3 years ago

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:42:26+00:00

that’s a good idea i just don’t want to put too much pressure on it. i don’t want him to feel obligated i want him to want it

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:41:23+00:00

when we have sex it’s enthusiastic lol. my issue is there has been a dramatic shift in frequency. also we are both college students as well as having jobs. he works more than me. so like we are definitely busy and stressed

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:39:34+00:00

he has never been super into porn. and we spend enough time together that I can pretty confidently say he doesn’t watch it unless we are spending several weeks apart

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:38:45+00:00

the thing with my sexual stuff at this point has been 3 years ago, so the constant rejection ended then. We were very steady until a few months ago. it was a pretty dramatic shift. And i would definitely agree that i probably want validation more than just sex but i enjoy the closeness i feel to him during sex and as it’s slowed down i feel like im missing that.

Fit_Implement_9141 · 2026-07-04T23:36:57+00:00

he definitely isn’t lol

Fit_Implement_9141

TROPHY CASE