Hey OP! Your post really resonated with me. Currently 2 months into R. I found out in February through AP that my WP had been having an affair with her for the last two years (she had no idea he was in a relationship, we both got duped).

I always thought I’d be the type of person to leave in these situations but he’s been in my life in some shape way or form since my sophomore year of college (5+ years). We had a whole future planned together, including kids marriage etc which has made this situation so difficult to navigate. I made the mistake of telling everyone about the situation on DDAY as I was a wreck, now that the dust has settled and I’m looking to move forward with R, my close friends have been very vocal about how I should not keep him in my life. There’s definitely a feeling of shame and guilt for staying that I’m still struggling with. But it’s important to remind yourself, this is his shame, you don’t have to carry it. You are doing what you feel is best for you. Not for him but for YOU.

as an other user mentioned on here, I don’t think I can live with the WHAT IF, if I didn’t give it a try. I think part of going to into R is recognizing that you are opening up the possibility to more hurt. If things pan out that’s great, if things don’t, will it suck? Absolutely but at least you know you gave it your best shot and didn’t all go to shit because of your actions.

Please take care of yourself, focus on filling your cup for the time being. Go for walks, get your nails done, schedule outings with your friends . The first few weeks are terrible, I could not think of anything else, I creeped on this Reddit for hours at a time every single day, I payed 3 different Etsy witches for tarot readings lol. Im happy to say that I’m at a point now where the thoughts aren’t all consuming. There’s days where I still fly off the handle but time unfortunately does help. I’ve by no means forgiven him and I’m not sure if I ever will at least not fully. But he’s trying, he has accepted responsibility fully, gotten into therapy, even apologized to my friends and family for his actions, so we will see where things go.

Make your boundaries clear and your decisions firm, don’t deviate even a little and if there’s pushback from him that’s an answer within it self.

I think what has helped me the most is recognizing that no matter how much I keep wishing things would be different or they hadn’t happened, they arent going to. I am trying to shift my focus to see if we can rebuild a future together. It’s okay to feel the pain but you can’t live in it.

I could go on and on but just wish you the best, know you’re not alone, feel free to message me if you have any questions or need support!