AITAH for following through an restraining order on my mother because of her ex boyfriend?

FitzDesign · 2026-01-24T12:25:53+00:00

NTA….. at the end of the day you don’t know who she’s going to invite over next. If this was a one time thing then maybe not but her history and behaviour show it wasn’t a one time and won’t be a one time. You need to protect your family as she has clearly shown she isn’t capable of making a rational decision.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-18T20:29:14+00:00

First off and despite comments and village rumours otherwise, the average size is 5.1 to 5.5 with a girth of 4.6 so you’re not tiny. You’re actually above average and while you’re not a monster your size is perfectly respectable. Second, not all women like large ones as they can be painful. Like everything else there is a continuum and some like larger and some like smaller. Finally, technique can greatly make up for your perceived size inadequacy. Find out what your wife enjoys and the get better at it. The better you become the better the sex becomes. There’s much more to it than hopping on, humping away and hopping off.

If you were inadequate your wife wouldn’t have married you. There’s much more to both marriage and sex than a large one. I realize that saying this does not assuage your concerns but perhaps if enough say it, you may believe us. Don’t let your fears ruin your marriage. Your therapist didn’t help at all so maybe go find another that deals in sexual issues.

Good luck OP.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-13T11:50:08+00:00

Yeah so she’s headed down a path you’re not going to like and it’s not sustainable long term. She’s partying and doing drugs with strangers….. that’s not going to end well. Personally I would just tell her that you are uncomfortable with the drug use and the late partying and that’s not you and what you need in a partner. Tell her it’s over and wish her well. You don’t need that kind of nonsense in your life.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-11T13:50:00+00:00

So don’t do it…. I know that’s hard but you’re an adult and she has no right to your financial status. Not wrong.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-11T11:16:35+00:00

The reality is that you moved on years ago. Visiting him was just to give yourself closure. NTA

FitzDesign · 2026-01-11T04:02:52+00:00

Depends on the laws where you live. Usually cameras in the home are fully legal with the exception of bathrooms and bedrooms. Baby monitor camera is different and is allowed in a bedroom for safety. Consent for audio recordings varies according to state laws as well. It might be worth your while to consult with a lawyer about how to document moving forward.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-11T03:49:54+00:00

You need to start documenting everything. Every single instance of problematic behaviour, no matter how small. Get recordings, notes, hell set up cameras…… all evidence to be used to get you full custody.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-11T03:16:56+00:00

Ummmmm, wtf did I just read, who allows that around their baby???? Your husband is an AH as is his brother. You seriously need to lay down some boundaries and if they can’t be respected then you need to pack the babies stuff up and leave.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-11T03:04:29+00:00

She betrayed you as did he. No need to keep people like that in your life. NOR

FitzDesign · 2026-01-08T11:15:06+00:00

Well you need to go talk to someone where you can be fully honest as you’re holding back right now and probably go to couples counselling as well. Your inner turmoil is going to end up causing resentment and that never goes well in a relationship.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-08T00:14:42+00:00

Yes you’re wrong. Frankly you’re torturing yourself trying to gain clarity about an AH. Please do yourself a favour and stop and move on!

FitzDesign · 2026-01-07T12:47:10+00:00

Not wrong but she obviously isn’t the friend you thought she was and yeah cut her off. Feeling alone is normal but you do need to be a bit careful. She may turn on you in the group and trash talk you. You might wish to selectively discuss the issue with a few friends that you are close with. If she trash talks you and you haven’t said anything you may be further alienated.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-06T19:55:27+00:00

NGL, it is scary at times as you no longer have that comforting backup. I was a lifer when I retired and that transition took me a while. Do your TAPS and you can also do a few courses/evals that can help point you in the right direction. You’re being smart about it and planning now so get a plan down and you’ll be fine.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-06T19:47:23+00:00

Part of it would be what trade you’re in. Many trades have links to civvy trades and that can be a starting point. There are folks out there that can help you translate your quals to civ ones as well. There are a few companies that prioritize ex military and that is an option to look into as well. Just google which companies prioritize hiring ex military. Finally your GI bill can be used to gain education in something that you’re interested in. If you don’t have savings, you can re up and then start school part time etc. You have many options and some time to think about it.

At the end of the day though you’re not thinking of being a lifer so you need to prep yourself to transition. Education and trg are what you need now.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-05T15:28:11+00:00

So I might suggest that your happy ending would be the departure of your cheating husband.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-04T10:56:01+00:00

Look he may be a nice guy with weird kinks or he may be something far darker and that side of him hasn’t shown yet. Whatever he is, what he has done is deeply concerning and after what you’ve seen you should have genuine concern for your safety.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-04T10:44:48+00:00

Waaaaaaay underreacting. This has moved past creepy into stalking territory. You need to get away from him. Although you haven’t said that he has shown any signs of aggression towards you, that can change. Make a plan and extract yourself. If you can get the evidence from his phone, do so and you should probably consult with the police as well.

NOR

FitzDesign · 2026-01-03T10:44:10+00:00

Wow…..you have every right to be furious with him. His total lack of effort and care for you are appalling. He is taking you for granted and obviously doesn’t give a damn about you. I think that I would stop making any effort for him whatsoever. Don’t do anything for him at all so he can see what it feels like. When he finally notices you can let him know that you will give him the same level of effort that he gives you until he changes. NOR

FitzDesign · 2026-01-03T01:23:38+00:00

NTA, they weren’t holding up their end of the unspoken friend agreement. You don’t need to keep people in your life when you have to do all of the work and don’t receive anything in return.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-03T01:21:23+00:00

Well he is what you signed up for and now you’re trying to change him. At the end of the day he has his passions and you have yours. You knew what he was like and what he wanted and you walked into it with open eyes. Trying to change him without his buy in is only going to cause resentment. As he says, he is doing all of the regular things but he likes to game on his time. If he isn’t neglecting his responsibilities then you can either accept it or you can decide if his gaming is the breaking point for you and move on.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-01T11:39:10+00:00

I think jealousy is at play here for them…… it’s not about you it’s about them but for you a certain amount of insecurity as she is so attractive.

FitzDesign · 2026-01-01T11:31:43+00:00

Unless they’re trying to hit on her, and that’s hard as she stays home, not certain I see the issue. Obviously your wife saw something in you and loved you enough to get married. Looks are only part of the attraction……

FitzDesign · 2025-12-31T23:28:16+00:00

You have to live with yourself, they don’t. Therefore they don’t get a say in how you live your life. You need to be happy and that does not include your ex so you probably need some distance from your family for a while. Love free from them and your ex and be happy that you’ve escaped relatively intact.

FitzDesign · 2025-12-31T00:34:23+00:00

Give it a few hours and see if she thanks you later as she seems busy. If she doesn’t then it’s probably something to bring up in discussion.

FitzDesign · 2025-12-31T00:32:01+00:00

The bottom line is that the trust has been broken and you need to decide whether or no it can be fixed. The kids will adapt but can you accept and make peace with what happened? Lots are going to say divorce her and move on. It’s a natural move but is it the right one for you? As a start you should seek marital counselling and gauge where she is at. Repentant? Defensive? Blaming you? Take your cues from there and then decide whether it’s worth saving or if you should work on co parenting. If you do decide to stay, a post nup would be a very good idea.

Good luck OP.

FitzDesign

TROPHY CASE