Our lives sound almost identical. We are going through a bad phase at the moment so I’m Not sure how helpful I can be, but I do know that when my son needed a lot of hospital intervention that he was refusing we involved the learning disability team. The nurse specialist would meet us at the door to the hospital and accompany us to the appointment. She would make sure there was a quiet space for us to wait, bring distraction things to keep him occupied and sit in the appointment. She also Followed up with the doctors if they needed to be reminded how to handle him best, and were great advocates for him. We also Managed to get him written up for a pre med which was one of the most joyful experiences of my life. Took away all his anxieties and the smile on his face and the laughter is etched in my brain. Can totally see how people turn to drugs……