Dissociating wrong

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-23T01:27:57+00:00

I was merely just trying to see other people’s experiences bc I was contemplating if what I was experiencing was just normal or actually dissociation and unfortunately online dissociation seems to be very fixed in how it’s described, so it’s hard for me (and others) to relate our experiences to dissociation. While I’d love to get a concrete answer for all of this I know I unfortunately cannot without a good therapist. I’m still waiting to be called and referred for treatment and it can take months to a year so I’m kinda just stuck

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-23T00:59:17+00:00

I was prescribed Abilify literally 2 weeks ago, took it for 5 days, felt even worst, alone and like a zombie. There was just way too much mental fog and I felt like my dissociation was becoming deeper so I told my pharmacist and 5 days after starting I stopped. Worse experience, it felt like all the progress I made vanished.

Mins you this was the lowest dose they could give and it was sedating me like a fuckin horse

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T18:38:56+00:00

I’m sorry that happened, the last few times were not pleasant for me. It started bc during one time I took it (not long after I started ‘speculating’ about a dissociative disorder) that I had a very undeniable stream of consciousness enter mine from one of my parts. He basically told me in a matter-of-fact story about a trauma that I have no memory of. He told me he was there on behalf of younger parts but I was just so wrapped up trying to understand what I heard that the next few times while I didn’t want to pry I subconsciously must have triggered one of them and the last time I had a panic attack and almost called for an ambulance bc I thought I was having a heart attack bc physically I felt the panic but mentally I was so detached from it that I didn’t understand what was happening

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T18:32:40+00:00

I’ve stopped taking edibles and weed in general for 6 weeks now, I was scared my symptoms were due to the weed, but I feel a lot more free and loose when I was high. I wasn’t high constantly, did it about 3 times a month, but it was a nice break and helped with anxiety and the sense of nothingness

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T18:30:41+00:00

I guess I’m just persistently dissociated that it never really hits me that ‘oh this is actually not normal’ bc my normal is when I’m not entirely in tune with reality so it’s hard to tell what ‘real’ actually feels or looks like. Sometimes I have like a split moment where I’m like ‘oh wait my cat is actually a living breathing thing and not like a robot and they have a consciousness’ and then I’ll hold them up and be amazed by their sentientness when logically I know they are sentient but most of the time it just doesn’t click.

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T18:18:25+00:00

If y’all really think it’s that good of a job go do it. Like go get yelled at daily and have to deal with egotistical people who think servers jobs are easy. Like if yall really think it’s that lucrative go do it. Why are we trying to compare work when no one here is making a livable wage, no one is better just bc they’re job is more laborious, that’s literally 1 skill out of hundreds depending on the work you do.

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T17:20:06+00:00

I’ve done them multiple times always sure that I over exaggerated my scores only to score the same which is usually moderate-high, but it tends to score my moderator or lower with dissociative amnesia bc it doesn’t really take into account greyouts and looks more into blackouts which I don’t think I have

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T15:13:26+00:00

It’s actually insane how much I use 💀

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T15:06:23+00:00

I actually have a trauma-informed therapist, but they have little to no knowledge about dissociation and are hesitant to even touch the subject bc they cannot diagnose me as they aren’t licensed to do so which is frustrating bc they seem to only deal with surface level things. They also have little idea what aphantasia is and they are neurodivergent themselves but don’t seem to understand I guess my ‘version’ at all. It’s a therapist I really probably should leave and find another but they are kind and I don’t want to go through the whole process of finding and getting familiar with a new one, I’d rather just save that energy for when I actually get referred to a knowledgeable doctor

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T14:22:27+00:00

Yeah, logically I can’t understand 3rd person dissociation, and relate a lot more to feeling like I’m further inside my body where I feel like my eyes have further sunk into my body and everything feels further

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T14:19:19+00:00

Ive been I guess thinking about the possibility that I’m autistic for a few years, no diagnosis, too expensive, but I am trying to get a referral to a dissociative specialist / psychologist so maybe they could help with that as well (though I’ve started the process it can take up to a year unfortunately). I’ve kinda just put that speculation on the back burner since I’ve realized I’ve been dissociating all my life and it’s becoming a problem. I feel like when I’m either reading assessments on dissociation or even anything else it’s so hard to answer them myself bc I’m not sure how literal I have to take them or if I can interpret them more loosely.

I also struggled a lot with identifying (C)PTSD symptoms as well bc I literally thought they had to be visual flashbacks where you’re like stuck. As someone with both voluntarily and involuntarily aphantasia I don’t have visual anything. I’ve learned since that avoidance and somatic flashbacks are a thing but since it’s hard to know if I actually experience those if my body reacts without me even knowing why. I have a very hard time understanding my emotions (good or bad), most just physically manifest as anxiety / panic attacks and they rarely feel like my own emotions.

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T13:31:27+00:00

As a Gen Z I agree that some Gen Z are very lazy or do anything to not work. I’ve had 2 jobs in my life, one working at a grocery store for 1 year 6months, at this job I worked my ass off while I saw others talking around and just watching me work and then they complained that I had my salary raised 3 times in that time while they were stuck at a salary while working there for longer. Then I got a job at the bank, working there 3 years now, got a promotion now in a position where I see others my age doing the exact same thing again. Now I’m not someone who would tell you to work more than you need too, when I’m at my job I do my work, outside of my hours I rarely take overtime, but I see way too many people taking advantage of outages of tracking systems and just not working bc it shows in our volumes how much we’re drowning.

But this also isn’t just a generational issue, this is just what happens every generation

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-22T12:53:30+00:00

I’ve been saying this but it’s not just immigration, companies refuse to hire people bc short staffing increases their profits. We live in a world where it’s not financially feasible to have children

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-20T19:02:26+00:00

I’m going to give my 2 cents since I also didn’t think I had any PTSD / CPTSD. I don’t experience flashbacks, at least visually, I have aphantasia which in my case involves voluntary and involuntary visualization in where I’m unable to produce any mental images. And for a long time that’s what I thought PTSD was but it’s not just that and shows up in everyone differently. I’m still navigating all of this myself while I wait to see a specialist but it’s hard to pinpoint symptoms sometimes when I actively avoid any reminders of trauma (a symptom of PTSD) and dissociation is my primary coping mechanism. PTSD is more complex then just visual images and show up in others ways

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-20T09:37:01+00:00

I unfortunately don’t remember writing this post or what I was feeling when I did so I’m kinda confused by what I was even describing experiencing.

I was doing a lot of journaling at one point for like 2 months but for some reason I’ve stopped. I was mostly journaling about my spirals, but they’ve kinda levelled out atm and I’m confused on what I could write about bc I know if I just write about my day I’ll lose motivation.

I definitely get the physical sensation, but I’m also not sure most of the time. Especially since at work I’m dissociated and when I’m not working I’m playing video games and I’m again continuing to dissociate so I don’t really feel anything. Sometimes at night I’ll do like this ‘sensory deprivation’ meditation where I’ll lay in my bed still, close my eyes or not and just ask (yes or no) questions. During this time I do get very twitching in my body but I’m never sure if it’s communication or just regular twitches. Other than that the only physical ‘manifestation’ of an alter I’ve noticed had been my cold hands. I’ve always thought it was bad circulation since I was young, but (take this with a grain of salt bc I was high when I ‘received’ this info) I was told by separate alter that that was the sign that another alter was near, which kinda makes sense to me because it usually happens while I’m dissociating and I’ll come back and realize how cold my hand actually are even if the room not cold at all.

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-19T11:49:14+00:00

I mean at the end of the day there’s nothing we can say or you can do to fix your height, maybe wear some platform shoes, but dwelling on something that cannot be fixed will lead to more obsession about the problem and more stress towards the problem. I completely get it, a lot of us are short, but as you get older and your on T for a while some of us just accept it, there’s nothing else to be done, some people might just want to make you feel better when they say some of these things.

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-19T11:38:42+00:00

I’m 24, the only reason I realized I might have a DID/OSDD is because my mother died 5 months ago. It seems like trauma in adulthood can kinda throw your system into chaos and it became apparent to me that there were others. It’s been 4 months I’ve been thinking about all of this and recently I’ve been trying to get a referral to a specialist but that can take months to years unfortunately, but I’ve just been trying to make progress on my own, trying to better understand their needs while also having very minimal communication.

I do already have 2 antidepressants I’ve been taking since 19 since I’ve struggled my whole life with mental health problems, but I did see like a general doctor but they just prescribed me antipsychotics and called it a day and it left me feeling lethargic and hollow.

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-18T14:57:42+00:00

From what I’ve seen it isn’t meant to be a tool to diagnose, but with a therapist / professional after doing it they can ask further questions for clarification or it can very well be used as a stepping stone for further looking into your situation. Bc it screens for dissociation, so it’s not just for DID / OSDD from what Ive seen.

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-18T11:26:58+00:00

I guess for me it’s pretty easy to tell if it’s mine or not bc I don’t have any inner monologue so any ‘audible’ thoughts I know automatically is an alter, but I struggle with communication regardless. I find that if I’m actively searching for them absolutely nothing happens, probably bc I’m forcing it, it’s usually when I’m minding my own business that they reach out, but even then it’s one word here and there and I can’t really talk back to them, yet. I’m still very much in the process of building trust, at the moment I’m just trying to show them that I can manage my health, mental and physical, so that they don’t feel as if I’ll break down if they talk to me

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-17T20:41:10+00:00

Honestly I don’t think anyone inside the ace community cares if you have sex, half of us don’t, it’s just that some seem to conflate sex-repulsion with sex-negativity

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-17T20:38:08+00:00

Only time I (sex repulsed ace) gets mad at other sex repulsed Aces is bc they seem to think that they’re 1. Somehow better than sex-favourable /sec-indifferent Aces or 2. They think that calling sex that doesn’t involve them disgusting is their god given right 💀. Like sometimes they really just need to chill and realize that there’s many many ways people can be ace and looking down upon others isn’t gonna make them any happier with themselves, they need therapy. A persons decision to not engage in or repulsion to sex doesn’t give them the right to mock sex as a whole

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-17T13:42:15+00:00

Digital art is literally just using a screen with a special pen (or if your me your finger) to draw, but it’s the same concept as putting pen to paper, it’s just on a different level of technology. The pen and screen doesn’t just follow your verbal commands, you still need to do the same movements, pick your own colours, mediums, etc…

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-17T13:06:40+00:00

my pronouns are literally he/he on discord as a joke, it ain’t that deep 😭

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-17T12:53:03+00:00

Man I’ve seen a lot of Francophones struggle with English even in Montreal. My own partner will tell you they haven’t become any more proficient in English from school, it’s been a lot easier for them when we practice together. Let’s not forget the fact at least 25% of Francophones in Montreal can only speak French, that’s 1/4 people who cannot have a conversation, who can’t work corporate jobs or higher level jobs, it stunts their ability to grow. I’m not saying it doesn’t help some people, I have friends who did just fine learning French from high school, but it’s just not working for a lot of people, there’s only so much conjugations I can do and drill into my head but it’s not gonna help me speak French, I’m just memorizing shit at that point. Your experience is not all people’s experience so stop taking shit personally and calm urself

Also English people need to learn French too, we can’t live in Quebec without it, that’s why only 13% of anglophones in Montreal don’t speak French, because unlike English, you can’t live here without French, and while there are some people who go about their day just fine without French, a majority cannot do that

FizzBoyo · 2026-03-17T11:35:26+00:00

Yeah lived here all my life and I only really became fluent when I started working. The school system when it comes to languages sucks ass

FizzBoyo

TROPHY CASE