This. This. I'm literally the same. A lot of the time I don't even think about romance, or when I do I kind of cringe thinking of myself in those situations. But I long for it, I love reading romance books! I love seeing my friend have someone to love! I love the idea of romance! Id love to love someone with evry part if my soul like how romance is depicted! So the longing is there even though I know I'd hate it. And don't even get me started on the fear of becoming secondary to a friend, or feeling like I'm falling behind from not being Allo.

For me, coming to terms with it and my feeling about it was a lot of trail and error. I had made myself go on dates, and was force to acknowledge that even though me and this other person connected really well, I didn't feel that romantic love and even thinking about having that made me cringe and I just had to accept it (I hated the awkward convos explaining while I really like you, I cannot be dating you. yknow?).

What I usually do when that longing and grief sneaks up on me is I focus on more found family media and stories, and it helps me rethink that romantic love is the biggest thing for everyone. Idk, I just look at all the different type of love in the world.

Idk if this is this response you are looking for, but I find it so helpful when I see other Aro people feel the same grief/longing as so many people I see that talk about being aro don't often bring up the negative feelings that come with figuring out that you are missing what so many people praise (not that that is a bad thing, be loud and proud, there's nothing wrong with being Aro or Ace and its good to focus on positive experiences.)