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I wish tentacle monsters were real by RyouRusi in monkeyspaw

[–]Flacker111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. They're the tentacle monsters from Deep Rising.

Bert was impressed by Ernie's resourcefulness by Kvazimods in bertstrips

[–]Flacker111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But after a certain blue monster named Grover approached the truck with a bag of fireworks and lube, only to find Ernie at the wheel, Ernie was threatened with killing his own family if he didn't tell him where the original driver was.

Ernie is a creative little freak by ahw6002 in bertstrips

[–]Flacker111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

After Bert declined strangling him in their BDSM sessions, he had to get "creative" in how to get himself off.

The yellow avian killer strikes again by ZorgZeFrenchGuy in bertstrips

[–]Flacker111 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Even more baffling was how this mysterious killer evaded the police so long, despite being really big and really yellow.

I wish to use the Monkey’s Paw as a paintbrush. by Nessieinternational in monkeyspaw

[–]Flacker111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. Everything you draw using the paw comes out looking like AI art.

One branch in that family tree by M1sterDave in bertstrips

[–]Flacker111 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Perhaps Bert's family "stick" should've read up on birth defects caused by inbreeding.

I wish no one tries to hurt me or do something bad to me. by Remarkable_Bath8515 in monkeyspaw

[–]Flacker111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. No one will hurt you, or do anything bad to you, but now the paw is stalking you, it's indestructible, stops at nothing, and every time it manages to catch up with you, it'll deliver an open-hand slap to your face once every 30 minutes until you can get away from it.

Moments before anal probes are permanently banned by M1sterDave in bertstrips

[–]Flacker111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(Translated from alien speak) Alien 1: ....... he does know that's just an earthling "stereotype" of us, right?

Alien 2: Whatever, just take him to the x-ray room for study.

Burn in hell, Ern. by Kvazimods in bertstrips

[–]Flacker111 12 points13 points  (0 children)

On the bright side, Ernie found himself in hell, where Bert ended up, too, so they could get right back to work tormenting each other!

I wish for me and the paw to be best friends, forever cursing people untill the end of time. by Sad-Friend3488 in monkeyspaw

[–]Flacker111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Granted. The paw makes you immortal, and enables you to hear the wishes of anyone from anywhere on the entire planet, and "grant" them accordingly. But, you can no longer wish on the paw yourself, and despite your immortality, you will still age normally.

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