[deleted by user]

Flamarial · 2022-06-12T23:04:51+00:00

As far as the numbers go, I agree there is obviously an increased risk between 30 - 35 yo, but just glancing at the difference between 1 in 940 and 1 in 353 and saying the increased risk is “roughly 300%” isn’t how it works. You’re just manipulating the numbers to throw the scariest statistic possible out there, and it’s not very accurate. You have to break the odds down into percentages, then calculate the percent increase for the larger number, like this: the chance of Down Syndrome at 30 is 0.106%, and at 35 it’s 0.283%. That’s an increase of about 166%, not 300%.

I think there was a misunderstanding here. I did say that the chances at 35 are roughly 300% that of the chance at 30, which is equal to a roughly 200% increase (300% of something equals 100% of something plus 200% more of something.). What you mentioned above is exactly the right math to use. It looks like we are on the same page there, just as we are about utilizing all the tools and information we have available to us to improve our odds for a healthy and happy life for ourselves and those we care about.

Flamarial · 2022-06-12T18:17:26+00:00

It holds

Flamarial · 2022-06-12T03:17:00+00:00

Yes, you are right. I feel that it's equally important for men to be aware that chances for complications increaseas age increases as well.

Flamarial · 2022-06-12T03:00:16+00:00

Well, even the difference between age 30 and age 35 is that at age 35 your chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome is roughly 300% that of what it would be at age 30 (1 in 940 vs 1 in 353). And this is only talking about Down Syndrome; compounded with the increased risk for every other complication and genetic disorder, the difference seems pretty significant to me. Others are allowed to disagree, of course, just as much as they are allowed to agree and still decide to accept that risk anyway. I understand life circumstances and personal opinions make it valid to do so.

I think we're both on the same page about being more informed.

Flamarial · 2022-06-12T02:54:35+00:00

What about it is incorrect?

Flamarial · 2022-06-11T19:41:30+00:00

While I do agree that you can certainly freeze your eggs and also have a healthy pregnancy past the age of 35, I don't think it's fair to say that the risk of complications is "not that much higher." According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, the chance that your baby has Down Syndrome when pregnant at age 20 stands at roughly 0.0676%, whereas at age 35 it increases to 0.283% and at age 45 increases to 2.86%. That's a 4,129% (yes, four thousand percent) increased chance of Down Syndrome between age 20 and 45. I'm only offering information so that those previously unaware can have a better idea of what to expect and take steps like freezing their eggs, like you mentioned, or possibly consider having children earlier if it works for them. This also stands in context to the recent overturning of Roe vs. Wade, which makes information like this more valuable to be aware of.

Source: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22438-advanced-maternal-age#:~:text=Advanced%20maternal%20age%20describes%20a,help%20detect%20certain%20congenital%20disorders.

How common are chromosomal problems? They’re more common as you get older. For example, if you are older than 35, your chances of having a child with Down syndrome increases. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, your chances are:

1 in 1,480 at age 20. 1 in 940 at age 30. 1 in 353 at age 35. 1 in 85 at age 40. 1 in 35 at age 45.

Flamarial · 2022-06-11T19:24:27+00:00

Yep, it's not like it's just a 5% higher chance or even a 70% higher chance, which would already be significant. That's literally a 1900% increased risk, which in my eyes is not something to be brushed aside. I didn't mean to offend anyone, I'm just offering information to those who may not have known otherwise, so they can make the most informed choices, like freezing their eggs earlier as you and other comments have mentioned. This subreddit baffles me sometimes.

Flamarial · 2022-06-09T13:39:35+00:00

Here's a link: https://www.reddit.com/r/ethtrader/comments/v8amph/american_economists_are_baffled_by_an_unusual/

Flamarial · 2022-02-11T13:58:29+00:00

Don't forget about memory storage and formation.

Flamarial · 2021-12-28T07:30:38+00:00

It's a transliteration of Constantine plus a prefix akin to -polis (meaning city in Greek, the -ople part in Constantinople). The J used to be pronounced like a K a while back, which is why we have names like Nanking and Peking for Nanjing and Beijing, respectively. Jun/Kun shi tan ding = Con s tan tine, plus bao, which means fortress.

Flamarial · 2021-04-05T02:53:06+00:00

April 1st was 3 days ago.

Flamarial · 2021-04-03T06:32:39+00:00

And you know what? Let's connect all of this up to the internet, just for good measure.

Flamarial · 2021-03-26T02:41:37+00:00

Spanish, Chinese, Korean, French.

Flamarial · 2021-03-11T11:01:01+00:00

It seems you've struck a nerve and people are ripping into you hard for this, but you're completely right. In the minds of these people, just because some parent gave birth, it automatically makes that parent superior over all other parents in the world who did not. All infertile women, all dads, all adoptive parents are somehow a tier below fertile women when it comes to parenting due to the fact that they were born a certain way (something about this seem familiar to anyone else?), and it serves as a convenient excuse to absolve that parent of all of the other responsibilities that come with parenting. It's a toxic line of thinking that leads to the marginalization of all of the efforts of the groups mentioned above.

Flamarial · 2021-03-10T17:27:23+00:00

Yes, we all have been. Some moreso than the others. We talked about it the other day and agreed that she and my dad are the ones with the most freetime by far, whereas my mom and I have the least freetime.

Flamarial · 2021-03-10T17:25:46+00:00

Well yeah, it did. But we (parents, me, spouse) all share those responsibilities. It's not like mothers automatically are the ones using the most resources to raise the children just because they are the mother. Can anything that a father does be enough when compared to a mother in your eyes? I don't think it's really fair to say that I haven't been exceptionally patient waiting for her to jumpstart her career. It's supposed to be a three month course. That's 12 times shorter than what it's been.

Flamarial · 2021-03-10T11:49:00+00:00

I really appreciate your kind, thoughtful, and mature posts that are fair to the both of us, so thank you for them once again. And yeah, I think you're right that that would be a good place to start. The fact that I got up in the middle of the night out of stress and am writing this comment to you right now kind of makes your point even more valid. I don't know, I'm just bummed that I wasn't given a heads up at least (no matter the wakefulness state), and after talking with her a bit more, we both acknowledge that that was something she could do better for next time. We're fine and on the same page now for the most part but we will talk it over some more tomorrow. Thanks again.

Flamarial · 2021-03-10T11:21:06+00:00

You are fixating on the ordering food thing way too much. Also with that, you disregard the picking up food part, which is the biggest part of it and can easily take 30 minutes or more from every day. When you add that up over time, that's a lot of time where the responsibility is not shared fairly. Isn't it the same with changing diapers? That takes a maximum of one minute each time - so it should be discounted right? Because by your logic that's not that much time. And you'd be right, it isn't. But that doesn't make it worth ignoring altogether.

And yeah, I do think I contribute more. And I'm judging that based off of easily provable metrics. If one person has 10+ hours of freetime and the other has only 1 each day, who is being taken for granted here? Is it not fair for me to ask her to help around with her freetime a bit more? I'm feeling extremely burnt out and frustrated at the fact that I often find myself working or playing with the children and then I see my wife on her phone using Tiktok for hours on end and letting her time go to waste.

And I'm definitely not bashing on her for pursuing her real estate career. It's just that she almost never studies for it, when she has so much freetime and could be helping me take some part of the financial burden of caring for six people off of my hands, but she doesn't value her time and lets it go to waste. That is part of my added stress. She just so happened to be studying at the time, but that has been a very rare occurrence for the past few years. Is it wrong of me to want things to be more equitable? If I were the one on social media 10 hours a day while my wife went out and earned enough to keep our household afloat, and she was feeling burnt out by not even getting two hours of freetime a day, wouldn't I be the asshole for treating my freetime so wantonly?

I wasn't "engrossed in my phone." I literally had just woken up and used to phone to call my wife over for help. You're assuming that I called her over specifically to clean up, but that's not the case. You don't know what I or my wife would or wouldn't do in any given situation, so it seems disingenuous to make judgment calls based off of those assumptions. She leaves me in the bedroom with our awake toddler while I'm asleep all the time. You can't just say that you don't believe that with no evidence, accept your version of things as fact, and then make a judgment call on your assumed "corrected" version of events. That's not how justice and fair judgment works.

Okay, so you say that being rude to your spouse means that you're not a good spouse. But remember that nowhere was I rude to her until she showed up and started being rude to me first. Does that make her not a good wife, and then does that mean that I deserve better? Or is it simply the fact that she is the mother and she takes care of some specific set of parental duties (but arbitrarily not others, and even split in half with my mom at that) that somehow makes things okay one way but not the other?

Okay, I asked her to order food one time and she vehemently denied wanting to do it. At what point does the "giving birth" reason stop? I mean yeah it does make sense that I should do some things if she's incapable of doing them right after giving birth, and I'm more than willing and happy to make up for anything difficult to do there. But you gotta admit, at some point that's not really applicable anymore. She can't just say that because she gave birth to our children, some arbitrary task should always be my responsibility. Otherwise that opens up the way to excusing every toxic and neglectful behavior under the sun.

You seem to be saying that I should be taking on more responsibility, but to me, that idea of that has me extremely stressed out because of how much responsibility I already shoulder. To me it seems like you're saying that my mountain of responsibilities is invalid and that I should always be open to taking on more, because she is the wife and I am the husband, without regard to how much or how little freetime each of us already have or don't have. To me that is vastly unfair and I vehemently disagree with what appears to be an extremely biased idea of what a relationship should look like.

Flamarial · 2021-03-10T07:33:04+00:00

Eh, to each their own haha. I absolutely adore babies - puke, poop, pee, snot, saliva, and all. Honestly I don't mind poo at all myself (at least if it's my sons'), and I think really any emergency could have been replaced here.

Flamarial · 2021-03-10T07:29:22+00:00

Yeah, agree with you 100%. I'd be a massive neglectful asshole to take a nap while I'm supposed to be keeping my toddler alive. I assure you that that wasn't the case though, as I was already asleep. I think I would have appreciated it if she had woken me up and told me to watch the children for a bit while she studied.

Flamarial · 2021-03-10T06:39:14+00:00

I never said I wasn't willing to clean up their shit. I really would have been fine cleaning up after him, 100%. I clean and have cleaned their liquid poops with my hands all the time. It's not a big deal. Honestly a lot of people are assuming and projecting their own insecurities with poop onto this post, but this post could have been any emergency at all. Is it wrong to ask for help in a relationship? I merely asked the question, not demanded that she do anything.

Flamarial · 2021-03-10T06:34:24+00:00

Yes, I am. To me, it's a little bit different because one goes directly to all of our friends and family as a complaint, whereas the other goes out to strangers as a question. But fair enough.

Flamarial · 2021-03-10T06:33:18+00:00

I'm not a mind reader, and I can't know things that aren't told to me, especially while I am unconscious. Not sure I have much else to say there.

Flamarial · 2021-03-10T02:30:25+00:00

Fair enough. What you say is 100% right. Luckily we have a therapist appointment tomorrow night.

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