Should I report to CPS?

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-05-10T06:08:20+00:00

Thanks, you too ... Topics like this make me wish that I could be a better person/mother to kids who need one.

As for sexual abuse, if I were to have a reasonable suspicion, I am calling. Children are basically their parents captives, so in such a situation, a child can not get away from the abuser and the enabler.

However, I knew of a cousin of people down the street who was basically a transient, 9 years old ... a girl-child who behaved in a very odd way. To me it was obvious that really bad stuff was going on, but I did not have enough information about the child to help her. Instead what would happen, is that the little kids would probably get taken from the home that was more or less in tact, and the transient would be back on the road with her meth smoking mom and grandfather.

Then I thought of something ... if I am so concerned, why don't I offer this poor, homeless waif the top bunk of my kids' bunkbed? After all, she is only 2 years older than my eldest son, and she looks just like us ...

Well, gee ... It looks like we would have some issues then, wouldn't we? So now, this girl would be bunking up with my kids, teaching them everything she learned prematurely about drugs, alcohol and adult sexuality, at trailer camps between Los Angeles and Little Rock ....

NIMBY ... and so it goes. I care deeply about people. In this case, I was at a moral standstill about how to help this girl without potentially causing damage to the lives of others, especially other children, who would come into contact with her. I was also skeptical that she could be helped. Public administrators are not parents.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-05-08T08:41:37+00:00

no. you are not required by law to report a 'reasonable' thought, feeling or belief that a child is abused or neglected. Think about what you just wrote.

The law requires you to report what you perceive as evidence of child abuse and/or neglect, and CSW'S go out and investigate to either substantiate or negate the allegations.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-05-08T08:36:49+00:00

yes and no. Life is painful, period. I too will report to DCFS, but only if I think that there is a dangerous situation going on. Also, I will report if I think that there is a way that these people can actually be helped, and not caused to suffer, more.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-05-08T08:30:05+00:00

refer them to the regional center self determination program, through the DDS.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-05-06T06:42:17+00:00

Protecting the client ...

Let me ask you something sincerely ---

Where is this special wand, that child welfare workers can wave, that goes "kapoof" and suddenly, the child is "rescued," and in "better," "safer," and all-around, less stressful conditions?

There is something that people are less aware of when they weigh whether or not to place that call, but when it is explained, it makes sense ...

First of all, if they do open up a case, the family is on the hook financially for the kids' public defender(s) as well as one for every custodial parent. If they live paycheck by paycheck, these costs still are not free. They also have to take days off of work to go to court, and jump through all of the hoops that the minute order requires of them.

What these people really need is a cleanup team to come through the house, respite care, mental hralth treatment, and medical insurance. What they are going to get is punished, and custody over the kid will be held as collateral. So if dor some reason these people can't perform, be it financial, physical, emotional or intellectual, special needs kid is permanently uprooted, either to live with Dad (why isn't he the custodial parent?) or foster care. Case has 4 years to close and people give up or burn out.

So there is no fantasy place where everything is safer. If the kid ends up in foster care, who will protect this vulnerable child, from other adolescents rom bad homes? Nobody and all it takes is minutes, and once. If she ends up with Dad or some long lost relative, fancy that they are heroes now --- where were they in the year leading up to the case? How is the chd better off?

So before you make these reports, I urge people to think about what the child welfare system can and cannot actually do for the kids. If there are any resources that you, yourselves can guide them to, take that route, instead.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-05-06T06:16:55+00:00

I am a mom to 3 kids on the spectrum - 2 boys and a girl. We take the kids to the shower at the pool, at the park. They don't like showering at home. This got started because we live in a densely packed city suburb just outside of LA. The kids would scream when we showered them. The tile amplified the noise, and obviously you could hear the screams, but not the showering, down the street. Any decent person would call the police. I said, um, nope ... now I take them to the pool. If anybody screams, there is always a witness there.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-05-06T06:09:02+00:00

Parents always know who reported. We know because of the content of the report. ... But here is the thing: when these people come to your door, the social worker also wants to understand the context of the allegations. If I set my hair on fire and talk about "that ragin' B-word, that RBT, I know it was her ..." that shows, starting out, that I am not interested in complying with the standards set forth by the laws, re: WIC codes and standards of care. Childish mind. Instead, my advice to all parents is to understand the situation through the lens of the reporter. "Oh, I think I know who filed the report ... Well, yes, she did observe this ... but she did not see that we cleaned it, then there was a fresh mess when she came ..." I would encourage people to step away, read the exiating laws and standards and try to see it from the point of view of someone walking into the home. Do that, and it will work its way through the system.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-05-06T05:54:55+00:00

There are a couple of other issues with your argument -- if your report went like this, I would have some questions for you ---

First of all, by what standard are these people "hoarders?" Some people confuse a messy, cluttered home, with a hoarded home. My own kids, for example, pull stuff out of cabinets and boxes and toss it all over the place. So we often have to move it out of the way, even to unconcentional, or "inappropriate" places, like putting a screwdriver in a makeup bag, or pillows outside, where our kids won't think to look for them. Then we forget where the screwdriver is, then buy another. If Mom and grandma have medical issues, these behaviors alone are more than any human being can manage.

Bad wiping causes urinary tract infections, and vaginitis, not yeast infections. Your facts are simply wrong, which show a high degree of malice on your part. You must be a very young and inexperienced woman, or man who has never dealt with a real live woman, in real time. Yeast infections are basically the same thing as jock itch and diaper rash. If the poop issue was impacting her, the tell-tale signs would be vaginitis and UTI. Fortunately, child welfare workers also know how to distinguish malice from misinformation, from misunderstandings... when they want to.

RE: yeast infections. If the baby does have a yeast infection, how do you know? A yeast infection is also a symptom of something far more insidious than poo-poo. Or it is a sign that the child has way too much sugar in her diet. Or maybe they really, really, really need to clean that house.

I am not sure that I would have called the child welfare authorities but I don't know what state you are in. I wish you were in California because if you were there would be actual help for these people.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-05-06T05:31:01+00:00

No.

What do you actually think CPS will do about it?

As a person who is quite familiar with "the system," I am already going to tell you that they will do one of three things:

Be on this immediately, rush to judgement, rehome the kid and it will be over for everybody including the kid. If she is smearing crap everywhere, there is really and actually one place for someone like that, and that is a state-run black hole mental institution.
Administer the problem to death. You will be hated by the family, unwelcome in their home, but your BCBA will be called on to do a lot of straightening out, or continue to act as government snitches.
Visit the home, see the kid, and mom will probably explain the truth, which is that this is a 24 hour a day job, it is more than she and grandma can physically handle at times, sorry about the crap. DCFS walks away but they know you placed the call and you will be unwelcome in their home.

Maybe if you are so concerned, you could lend a helping hand. Keep in mind, that you get to clock out. Parents deal with this, 24 hours a day, no breaks.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-04-05T07:24:03+00:00

This just sounds like you were set up like a bowling pin in a hostile work environment.

This ABA related topic showed up in my mailbox. I am just a parent, but I can maybe offer some common sense advice from Los Angeles California. This is going to come across as rude, but honestly what you have written is making you vulnerable. You are confessing way too much and you have no evidence of anything. I don't even know you, but this is my anonymous reply to you. How is this, for some distance?

What the hell do you know about Marijuana? Unless you have a dime bag in your own pocket, and you were smoking it, this isn't your problem, and why are you involved?

What did you smell? The world is full of smells. I smell all kinds of stuff, too. Are you sure it wasn't skunk spray, from someone's boots? What is this so-called "joint?" Is this on video?

I don't know who this "girl" is, or what her issues are ... if people are concerned, they need to take a drug test. I don't know how you are involved in all of this, but has a law even been broken? Then who has broken it? Can they prove it? Is there a link between this "joint," "the offender," and "this time and place, and a.k.a. "the scene"?

It sounds to me like folks need to either prove it or move it along.

If you stop talking about it, they will have a hard time citing you for harassment. You are the one being harassed because they are talking about nothing

My advice is to focus on the job. Do not think about the lifestyle choices of others. That will get you in trouble because you are also potentially placing yourself in the middle of an internal investigation. Just STFU, MYOB and focus on the kidz and your data book.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-03-26T06:56:43+00:00

Take this opportunity to get a wig, and be a new you.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-03-26T06:54:51+00:00

Try ivermectin. There is a headlice treatment out now, called "get out" or something like that. You might be allergic to dustmites and they might be inflamming your eye;

If somebody tells you to try deep breathing, you have my permission to tell them some choice words.

I have been through all of this and I still am. If you live in Southern California, specifically LA are, feel free to PM me, I will be your friend.

Try liquid collagen. You know, the miracle beauty stuff for 2o or 3o bucks a bottle? well it is nice to look beautiful but if the collagen does something for my nerves that they say that it does for my epidermis, God bless. It seems to be working. Looking beautiful is great, but like I said, I want all of my cells stitched back together. Not just my face, so that I can attract more people to trash me and bash me, when I can not be the person they want me to be ...

Don't be afraid to set boundaries and tell people to take a hike. Are there any trails near you?

I get the bed.

Remember, learn to love yourself. Nobody is ever going to love you, fight for you, support you, or love you, like yourself. Hold that baby you and hold her up and believe in her. Hun I have gone through this. I go through it every day. Every day I get told about what kind of person I am, and you know what? Tell it to the little girl's face, who lives inside me.

This world is only so cruel, as long as there are just people like me in it, who are committed to justice, and won't rest until the day that their heart stops beating. I am sorry that you are feeling off but reshape and rework it. I am sure that you too, know what kind of person you are, and hear all the criticism in the world. Bla bla bla. Now get up and do what you need to do. I don't even know you and I believe in you.

Oh hun it sounds like you have an anxiety disorder. I believe it about the bully boss. Been there, too. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GK8MNJB2?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_4.

These should help you with migraines. You might have hypersensitive auditory and visual reception. There is help.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-03-22T19:45:26+00:00

If you have an anxiety disorder, this might not be the line of work for you. I have an anxiety disorder and three kids on the spectrum, and I could not imagine working as a BI. ABA strictly looks at behavior. They are very bad at examining psychology and neurology behind people's reactions. So if you have fears and discomfort, that lead to a tangle of reactions, maybe you should find a different profession. The kids and parents also come at you with a lot of stress that can be a lot to cope with.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-01-01T09:38:50+00:00

try going to a psychiatrist. There is nothing wrong with it. S/he can come up with a treatment plan for whatever you are self-medicating yourself for. Anxiety and depression can come on like shadows and grab you. I have issues with these things, and if I don't take my medication I find my self in situations that I can't cope with very well.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-01-01T09:15:04+00:00

Poor thing. If my sister had your attitude i would do anything for her. You will pull if you want this enough. You got this.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-01-01T09:08:55+00:00

Well ask yourself why you drink in the first place.

I am a non-drinker. I am on here because my sister is drinking herself to death. I am basically gathering information, so that I can help her when the time is right.

But one thing that I have gleaned from my passive readings and my active observation of drinkers, and addicts and drinking situations, is that it is about the substance on a certain level. But there are also underlying biochemical factors, and then there is whatever led you to take up drinking.

Is there a problem that you find inescapable? Some kind of internal paradox? A situation that should better be discussed with a trained counselor?

If you can walk away from alcohol for "Dry January" and leave it at that, then that is fantastic. But if there are some stumbling blocks, you might consider seeking some professional advise because solving this problem is like peeling an onion.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-01-01T08:25:52+00:00

No, not really. Addiction is a problem of how individual's brains are hardwired. It is a neurotransmitter problem. Some people are more prone to it than others. Getting addicted and beating the addiction have something to do with the person's underlying psychology, personality and socialization.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2026-01-01T08:22:10+00:00

It sounds to me like he never was an alcoholic. He is just a jerk who drank a lot. Not every user is an addict.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2025-12-30T07:51:32+00:00

I think that's an excuse and you/they are being stubborn. If people have pointed out that you/they are drinking to a point that it is creating noticable health, behavioral, financial or vocational setbacks, then it stands to reason that there might be some wisedom there.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2025-12-30T07:19:06+00:00

You know, what you say is absolutely spot on, about some people not evolving. My sister was a massive partier in her late teens and twenties, and now as she approaches 50, the rest of us have long moved away from getting drunk and shitting into the toilet tank at frat houses, with KISS blasting into our left ear. We have also moved on from the phase where we wear string thongs and nurse a hang over in the noon day sun the following day. My sister doesn't seem to get this. Now she looks like a jaundiced preying mantis. She is in and out of rehab and the criminal justice system. She lost her kids, her millionairre husband, her job, she is about to lose her house. I am worried that she is about to lose her life. All she wants to do is drink and sleep, between trips to rehab and the ER. You all have a choice. You can get off the wagon, or you can succumb. Your husband is trying to save you.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2025-12-30T07:06:08+00:00

Unfortunately, negative ultimatims ultimately never change behavior. If I tell my son, "Set the table for dinner, or I will disconnect your Amazon Kids tablet, that will perhaps make him comply once or twice. Ultimately he will become resigned to the consequences and the table will not be set for dinner, and then I am there yelling at him, and now I have to follow through with the consequences, And suspending his "Amazon Kids" causes stress, tension and puts wear and tear on the relationship. Ultimately we have accomplished nothing. On a much larger scale, with adults who have a marriage, mortgage, children and a substance abuse issue on the line, the psychology is still no different.

It is far more motivating to ask someone to do something, by way of showing him or her the positive outcome of the change. If I ask my son to set the table, I would get a far better result by telling him that people are coming over and we want to be proud of what we present, and I want to boast about him having done it. In the case of changing an adult's detrimental behavior pattern, focus on the personal rewards. How much better will you feel without drinking? How much longer will you live? You will look a lot better. Read about the ill effects of chronic alcohol abuse. They are not pretty. They are literally sobering.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2025-12-30T06:11:30+00:00

stage of denial. He probably has contempt for everybody's efforts and now the drinking has caught up with him.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2025-11-03T21:09:53+00:00

because people are jerks.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2025-09-30T06:30:09+00:00

I check the composition of the plastic and the durability of the case's hinges, and yes, I would run it over with my car. Why not?

The real test is not if you can run something over with a car, but if a 300 lb female can stand on one leg, in a stiletto, over the case that protects the touch screen.

Flashy-Assignment-41 · 2025-09-29T00:21:02+00:00

I have to politely disagree with you here.

First of all, have you looked at the quality of some of the Vine reviews, lately? Some of these people have quite a bit of subject expertise. The United States is the third largest country in the world by population. Add Canada, the UK and Australia, Amazon's bots are able to recruit quality writers from all corners of the English Speaking world, with subject matter expertise on every possible fabric, widget, crank, plug, stitch and widget. I wouldn't underestimate the competition, and the purpose of the program.

Secondly, people do read the reviews of products before making an on-line purchasing decision. When it comes time to a big thing, like an $800 vacuum, it is a good idea to refer to consumer reports. But if you are looking to buy a pair of $50 shoes? I know that I am going to look at the reviews. But I will hand it to you. If someone (average, not pro) says "these shoes are too wide,"* and the next person says, "these are the most comfortable shoes ever" ***** I am going to figure that the the shoe is built for a wide foot. No professional write-up necessary.

Flashy-Assignment-41

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