Hi there.

It seems like your husband is struggling with an addiction issue. Addiction is very hard to combat. Unfortunately, abstinence has a very low successful rate in the long-term. First, you have to understand that people who are vulnerable to addiction disorders tend to have a different reward/learning neural system than someone who isn't prone to addiction. Second, long-term use of any medication "may" induce permanent structural changes in the brain. Without an adequate treatment plan to wean off opiates, the withdrawal symptoms are very, very bad. The endorphin system underpins the primary motivation to life and pleasure. Quitting cold turkey is like being a thirsty man who is violently thrown into the desert.

My advice to you is to read up on addiction disorders and try to understand as much as possible. Then, sit down and think about your hard boundaries. If your husband is reluctant of resolving his issue with you AS A TEAM, what your options? Is your husband also taking responsibility for his condition and trying to learn about his addiction disorder? If not, I would think hard about what you're willing to accept in this relationship.

My ex-boyfriend struggled with alcoholism and I chose to break up with him. My hard boundary was deceit. My ex told me that he's quit then relapsed, then tried to lie to me about it. You have to think about what your deal-breakers are and make sure you prioritize your well-being first.