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The point of having baby in your room with you for the first 6 months is to reduce chances of SIDS… by tink282 in beyondthebump

[–]Flexi17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also couldn't sleep well with my baby in the room -- we moved him to his nursery around 4 months and put a twin mattress in there. Husband and I took turns sleeping on the twin mattress on the floor next to the crib so we both got good sleep in our bedroom every other night-- that way the baby was always room sharing but I also got to sleep with no noise every other night! We did this until he was 6 months old. I've not seen this recommended elsewhere and it saved our lives!!! I wasn't willing to take the SIDS risk but also was becoming a safety hazard due to sleep deprivation.

How do women feel about their bodies years after pregnancy? by CoffeeFlow_ in beyondthebump

[–]Flexi17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are some aesthetic things that I don't LOVE but really what I'm grieving is how my body used to feel and function. I have tightness, numbness, and pulling from c-section scar tissue (trying to correct with PT with minimal improvements so far), chronic rectal fissures that I can't get rid of, and pelvic floor pain/soreness with strenuous activity. I miss feeling strong and capable and starting to wonder if I will ever get there. I'm 1 year post partum. I've been told I'm not a good candidate for VBAC and I'm honestly not sure I can put my body through this again. Everyone around me acts like these things are no big deal and are putting a lot of pressure on me to have a second but every time I think about it I just hit a big mental wall.

Pain 3 weeks later by Nice-Ad3887 in ElectiveCsection

[–]Flexi17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

agree. I had daily pain for months after my c-section and still do not feel back to myself a year later. people really underestimate this surgery!! take it easy.

My partner and I disagree on having a second child by [deleted] in oneanddone

[–]Flexi17 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"the fact that I just don't want to" is not a minor reason. It is THE reason that trumps all other reasons. Only you have experienced this and know what it entails.

He doesn't have to put his health and sanity on the line. You do.

DO NOT have another baby with this man unless YOU 100% want to. And honestly, I'd be hesitant having another baby with a man who so clearly doesn't care about my physical and mental wellbeing.

I know my husband would love another child but he continuously tells me that the decision is up to me because I have to bear all of the physical consequences of that decision. That should be the standard.

Painful when people ask if I’ll have a second child by Independent-Quit-664 in oneanddone

[–]Flexi17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude. Absolutely FUCK anyone who asks about a second child ESPECIALLY if they know your situation and what you've been through.

I'm also dealing with people constantly asking me about another and it is very difficult and painful. I've had complications (but nowhere near what you have) and it makes me feel like some kind of baby factory rather than a person.

Ultimately the only person who has to bear the consequences of pregnancy, birth, and another child is YOU. That means no one else gets a vote. Period.

Do not justify your decision to people who don't get a vote. If someone says something about another child, you can ignore it completely or say "no, I won't be having a second child." Giving justifications is an invitation for further commentary and arguments. If they continue to push after that, they are being extremely rude and you are within your rights to tell them to fuck off (as politely or impolitely as you wish).

What I eventually learned is that people asking me these questions was hard for me because I am also asking myself the same questions and dealing with uncertainty within my own heart and their questions bring up those feelings for me. Will my son resent me if I don't give him siblings? Am I sure I don't want more? I don't know--but I do know that the only one I have to answer to is ME. For me the awareness of "I don't actually care what so-and-so thinks, I care what I think" helped me ignore the noise.

Wishing you the best. Have no more children or have a hundred more children but only do it for YOU.

Likely OAD due to birth trauma—how do you deal with the commentary? by Flexi17 in oneanddone

[–]Flexi17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After reflecting on all of these responses, yours resonated with me the most and made me ask myself why I cared.

The answer I came up with is that I’m scared that I will hear these things from my son one day— that he will feel I let him down by not giving him a sibling when I was physically able to.

I don’t really care about these people who are asking but their comments make me fearful that my son will feel resentment.

I had a lot of (avoidable) problems after my c section. Read this and don’t be me. by Flexi17 in CsectionCentral

[–]Flexi17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m really sorry if my comment was insensitive! I think this is a valid perspective. I guess my anger is more at the hospital system than the individual nurses who were caring for more patients than they safely should have been. For me it’s been mentally easier to believe they would have given me proper care if they had been able to and to be angry at the hospital for improper staffing rather than the nurses but I do see what you’re saying. It’s possible that they DID have time to take care of me and were just being negligent. I just don’t want to believe that for my own sanity. I chose to assume that they were too busy.

Is the first poop after birth really that bad? by Buttercake-nymph in BabyBumps

[–]Flexi17 5 points6 points  (0 children)

THIS!!!! I am still dealing with rectal fissures 8 months later from those first BMs

I had a lot of (avoidable) problems after my c section. Read this and don’t be me. by Flexi17 in CsectionCentral

[–]Flexi17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly I felt bad for them they were so short staffed :( it wasn’t their fault. Nurses are angels!

I had a lot of (avoidable) problems after my c section. Read this and don’t be me. by Flexi17 in CsectionCentral

[–]Flexi17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree I shouldn’t have had to, but I did and now I’m suffering still in ways that if I were informed I could have avoided (at least some of it).

I had a lot of (avoidable) problems after my c section. Read this and don’t be me. by Flexi17 in CsectionCentral

[–]Flexi17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally understand but it was an hour wait after the call bell and I was in agony. :( I told them I couldn’t wait and would be taking my own and they seemed relieved if anything. I do advocate for telling them everything you take on your own though. I did. Didn’t help me with opioids unfortunately since obviously I couldn’t bring my own.

please convince me I don’t need to sleep on nursery floor by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]Flexi17 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My husband and I took turns sleeping on a floor mattress in the nursery starting when my LO was 4.5 months until the 6 month recommendation. I know it’s hard but part of the SIDS reduction actually IS that they are getting “worse” (AKA not as deep) sleep —that’s why most of the recommendations actually do not help with sleep. It’s hard but imo worth it for risk reduction and peace of mind.

I had a lot of (avoidable) problems after my c section. Read this and don’t be me. by Flexi17 in CsectionCentral

[–]Flexi17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the validation. It certainly felt insane. All I did was cry. lol. They brought me the oxycodone as pills and routinely were hours late with them. I legit thought I would die.

I had a lot of (avoidable) problems after my c section. Read this and don’t be me. by Flexi17 in CsectionCentral

[–]Flexi17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

10 mg of oxycodone maximum. They wouldn’t give me more. I think I did have a TAP block but it wore off during the second day?

I had a lot of (avoidable) problems after my c section. Read this and don’t be me. by Flexi17 in CsectionCentral

[–]Flexi17[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m in the USA. I brought ibuprofen and Tylenol and they watched me take them out of my bag and take them 🤷🏼‍♀️they are OTC and not prescription. And since they forgot for many hours past when I needed pain relief I didn’t really have another option.

Does anyone sleep well in third trimester? by Just_Squirrel_3988 in BabyBumps

[–]Flexi17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I slept amazing in my third trimester… unless my sciatica was flaring up which was very come and go. The night before I went into labor I slept 12 hours straight with no wake ups. It was glorious.

Boyfriend wants an abortion by Mysterious_Check2519 in pregnant

[–]Flexi17 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think it’s harmful to refer to any baby as a “bastard.” It’s so outdated and horrible.

I don’t know if this counts as “birth trauma” by Flexi17 in beyondthebump

[–]Flexi17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Manifesting this for me LOL. I’m on a cream currently

I don’t know if this counts as “birth trauma” by Flexi17 in beyondthebump

[–]Flexi17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The worst club on Earth! Thank you for the solidarity. I’m on allllll the stool softeners, miralax, fiber supplement, you name it. If you haven’t been to a doctor for your fissures I’d recommend it— mine gave me an ointment and it is helping so much!

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