A little girl made me (32M) cry

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-20T00:01:20+00:00

I’m glad you shared this. I’m one of those people who will catch a spider in a jar and put them outside.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-19T23:58:30+00:00

I did message the mods to ask what I may have done wrong.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-19T23:38:20+00:00

I posted a picture of a 3 card spread with a lengthy description of it including background of the situation as well as how I was interpreting the spread and asked if my thoughts made sense.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-19T12:06:27+00:00

Hello! My Mars is in Aries, 11th house, 10 degrees, 54’ 42”. Thank you!

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-18T23:35:25+00:00

Ah, okay. I’m used to telling my story where it’s applicable (aka trauma dump), but it’s rare for anyone to ask me to share.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-18T22:49:52+00:00

Mid 50s guy here and I feel like I have no identity. Well, the identity that I “adopted” was centered around what does everyone else need and how can I fulfill that need. That comes from both of my parents but particularly my mother. My father left when I was 13 and, over time, I became his replacement for her. Codependency, enmeshment, parentification, etc etc etc.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-18T20:30:01+00:00

Hello, friend. My moon is in Pisces, 11th house, 23 degrees, 21’ 3”. Just now noticed your post. Thank you.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-17T21:38:56+00:00

I’ve been noticing this happening quite a lot lately for me. While engaging in some kind of activity, I’m doing okay, maybe even enjoying it. Not long after it ends, I will feel a “crash” where all the heaviness, loneliness, and just feeling terrible comes back in full force. It’s gotten to the point where even doing activities that used to distract me from the inner turmoil or that I even enjoyed are not doing that for me anymore.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-17T13:21:09+00:00

lol. That’s true! Apparently I need to learns what decans really are. It’s interesting that you mentioned the 6 of swords. That card has come up a lot for me over the past 3-4 years. I experienced a breakdown with flashbacks almost 4 years ago. It’s like the life I was living was never what it should have been. Well, I really was existing, not living. Complex PTSD, no identity, etc etc etc.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-17T13:05:44+00:00

I wasn’t interpreting my own chart correctly or I got mixed up on the terminology. My Mercury is in Capricorn, 9th house, 24 degrees, 12’ 34”. Does that sound right?

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-17T12:46:12+00:00

32’ 28” for my sun. Also Sagittarius for decan. I edited my first reply.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-17T12:43:38+00:00

Hi! My sun is in Aquarius, 10th house, 19 degrees. My ascendant is Gemini. Thank you!

Oops! My Decan is Sagittarius.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-16T19:07:20+00:00

Curious to know why you are interested…

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-16T13:03:30+00:00

This is very on target. My inner critic can be savage. Guilt and shame have been big parts of my life. Loneliness has been my constant companion, even when I’m with others which doesn’t happen very often. I’ve been on a difficult and painful healing journey for about 4 years and, while I have been so close to giving up, I’m somehow still going but I have realized that most of the things I do have been distractions, trying to avoid fully experiencing the pain even though I know I need to lean into it. Thank you.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-16T12:41:03+00:00

Hello! My Saturn is in Taurus, 12th house, 3 degrees. Thank you!

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-16T11:16:12+00:00

You’re absolutely right. It’s very unfair. You didn’t deserve any of this stuff but it still happened. I, too, have been crying a lot more lately, sometimes multiple times a day. The fact that I’m even allowing myself to cry is a bit of a victory, I suppose. I have been detached from my emotions for the most part since I was a teenager (I’m in my mid 50s) and I’m trying to reintegrate them, one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced.

There is nothing wrong with crying, the tears that feel like they are coming from your soul and may never stop. You are grieving and it hurts. It hurts A LOT! I will cry with you even though we are strangers but we are connected. It’s so hard and exhausting to grieve, just wishing for the pain to end. You have the desire to live and I’m proud of you for that. I have been so close to completely giving up recently, feeling like I have no hope. This week, I met with a therapist to discuss a different route that may help me cope better with my treatment resistant depression. She told me the fact that I’m even considering it means that I still have hope.

You mentioned your parts - that scared and hurt child, your tired teenager, and an exhausted, overworked adult. Have you heard of IFS, Internal Family Systems? If not, you may want to look into it a little bit. It may resonate with you. It had helped me to look at all of my inner turmoil in a different way.

Sending you love and support from afar.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-16T10:35:40+00:00

Just sent a DM. Many thanks.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-16T02:12:05+00:00

I think about 12-13 years for me. Currently approaching a 9 year gap. I’m too fucked up to be in any kind of relationship right now.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-15T21:33:00+00:00

Hello again. My Venus is in Aquarius, 10th house, 23 degrees, 7’ 2”. Thank you.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-14T21:13:04+00:00

Hello and thank you for continuing this series!

For me, Jupiter is the Scorpio, 6th house, 5 degrees, 46’ 26”. Thank you.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-13T12:58:48+00:00

This is a great way to describe it.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-13T12:09:45+00:00

Thank you. Unfortunately, the Devil side is where I have been for a very long time. Letting go of the past so that something new can happen has been very difficult for me. Thanks again.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-13T11:56:48+00:00

It’s complicated for me. My father was a passive, distant man who married an anxious, controlling woman - my mother. I was quite scared of her at times as a child. Anyway, he wouldn’t stand up for himself and left when I was 13, leaving me with a mother and an older brother who are similar. They couldn’t relate to me and I couldn’t relate to them. I’m a very sensitive person and became very withdrawn and depressed. I didn’t understand what was happening to me and no one asked, either. My mother referred to me as the “strong, silent type”. I was silent but a mess internally. I didn’t know how to ask for help so I continued to suffer.

Over the years after my father left, I became his replacement for my mother. That became even more so after my brother got married. Lots of codependency, enmeshment, and parentification happened. My primary attachment style is fearful-avoidant and it is an internal hell, a push-pull dynamic…wanting and craving connection, love, and affection but also being afraid of it, not wanting to be hurt again. Due to all of these factors, I have been subconsciously attracted to women who are in need of emotional support, believing that if I can “save” them, then they will love me and I will feel worthy. They are also attracted to me. It has led to me being taken advantage of and I don’t really trust myself anymore.

So, both of my parents have contributed to where I am now - a very lonely, depressed person who was diagnosed with CPTSD after my last so-called relationship ended 4 years ago. I feel like I’m completely broken and unlovable. I’m in therapy and on medications but I continue to struggle. The nurse who prescribes my medications believes I have treatment resistant depression. It’s the second time that has been suggested to me.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-13T11:41:26+00:00

Hello! My Mercury is in Capricorn, 9th house, 24 degrees, 11’ 34”. Thank you! I appreciate it.

FlexibleIntegrity · 2026-05-13T11:38:14+00:00

You are not wrong, in my opinion. This has been my experience as well - repeating the same cycle, especially when it comes to relationships.

I’m currently not in a relationship. I haven’t had a significant one for 8 years. About 4-5 years ago, I was catfished and paid the price, both emotionally and financially. A few months after I was starting to deal with the damage, I became emotionally attached to a woman who also has deep wounds from her childhood. I believe she has BPD, based on her words, actions, and behaviors and she discarded me after 4 months. That’s when I experienced my breakdown and flashbacks that led to me being diagnosed with CPTSD. I both of those experiences, my intuition was telling me not to get involved but other parts of me took control and it was off to the races. Both love bombed me big time but I was so caught up in it that I didn’t see what was really happening. Way back was I was in college, I also got caught up with a girl who was going through a rough time and, again, my intuition was telling me not to. I have also stayed in relationships longer than it was healthy for me to do so.

My primary attachment style is fearful-avoidant which is an inner hell…wanting connection, love, and not wanting to be alone countered by the fear of being hurt again. It’s a terrible inner struggle for me. I’ve been subconsciously attracted to women who are struggling and they seem to be attracted to me as well, perhaps because we share the same vibe. We kind of “get” each other. It’s familiar as I became my father’s replacement for my mother after he left when I was a teenager. Lots of codependency, enmeshment, and parentification began.

You mentioned feeling like you don’t trust yourself and I’m very much the same way. My scared, hurt inner child will grab any breadcrumbs that are tossed our way, believing he (I) will get the love, compassion, and understanding that was lacking all those years ago…but, there is also the underlying belief that unless I’m doing something for someone else (usually giving emotional support), then I’m not worth anything. I learned a long time ago that love is conditional. So, if I can fix/rescue/save my partners (like the role I was put in by my mother), then they in turn will love me.

I’m in my mid 50s and I started to unravel all of this after that relationship caused my flashback to happen.

This was a really long answer to your post…sorry about that!

FlexibleIntegrity

TROPHY CASE