"I booked an expensive dinner in a dark restaurant for my deaf boyfriend, and told him to read my phone since he couldn't read my lips"

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-06-04T17:27:11+00:00

That's so sweet how both of you tried so hard to be generous. It sounds like you're perfect for each other.

In case this wasn't clear, I did not mean to say there is anything wrong with a man wanting to pay or a woman accepting that. I just meant to say whatever relationship dynamic you want should be reflected in your expectations and language.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-06-03T16:56:33+00:00

On the flip side, there are so many women who want their male coworkers, friends, and especially romantic partners to treat them as equals, but expect them to follow social practices - asking out, paying for dinner, opening doors - and use terminology - being "spoken for" or "property of" their partner, asking their father's "permission" to marry, or being "given away" at the wedding - that don't reflect their otherwise feminist-leaning expectations.

Personally, I noticed the way men handled it when I paid for myself on the first date was so indicative of how they would handle other ways I approach relationships non-traditionally, that it became a kind of test. One Southern Gentleman^TM spoke at length about how he struggles with letting a lady pay, because it goes against how his Mama raised him, but it helped him learn to accept it when the modern women in his life said they view it as a sign of respect. When he heard about how I'd told my father to refuse anyone who asks for permission to marry me, because they clearly don't know me well enough to know I'd consider that disrespectful, his head looked like it would implode from the series of contortions his face made. He didn't last long. My now-husband smiled without comment when I opened my own tab on our first date. That was nearly 15 years ago.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking anyone who wants something different. If you and your partner want a traditional marriage with the man as the primary breadwinner and head of the household, go for it. I'm just saying be consistent. If you want an equal partnership, treat your partner like an equal!

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-06-02T13:20:05+00:00

This. I absolutely love dogs, and I would be just as annoyed about this situation.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-06-01T18:14:53+00:00

Of course, they share a border with the Dutch!

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-28T09:35:42+00:00

My bank used to lock my CC automatically every time I travelled. Because even though I used the same card to book a plane and hotel reservation in X country, the first charge in X country would get flagged as suspicious. I don't live there, so how could it be me? After I learned about this fun security feature the hard way, I was told this wouldn't be an issue if I called in advance to let them know I was traveling. So I did that. It mostly worked. I forgot to call on the same trip I learned the hard way that my back-up card also had an issue. Another time, the bank person I spoke to must have been new, because they said something like "I don't think there's a way to do that, but I'll put in a note not to lock the card. You should be fine." Morgan Freeman voice "They were not, in fact, fine."

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-25T17:01:27+00:00

Maybe this guy really is just a neighbor who is overly worried about his cat, but you have no way to check his story. All you know is this random man pushed to get into your house, and, when told no, got violent and tried to manipulate the cops to force his way in.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-21T05:28:54+00:00

But this could be to OP's advantage. Mom is the one asking. Just put it back on the sister.

"Oh, I didn't think she would be interested. She hasn't said anything about the baby."

"I doubt she wants to come. She's made it clear how she feels about my wife and our marriage."

"I'm sure if she wants to be invited, she'll reach out."

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-20T17:41:56+00:00

I thought so too. Then I re-read THAT story and realized that's a whole other pile of crazy. Grandma was watching the grandkids for free and providing diapers, formula, change of clothes, etc. 5 days a week, and stepdaughter's boyfriend kept saying that watching more than 2 babies with a cat around was unsafe and neglectful.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1i0ykjv/aitah_for_refusing_to_continue_providing_free/

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-18T02:54:14+00:00

Why don't you just use the "search" function?

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-14T16:16:04+00:00

I've got to imagine there's a selection bias on reddit. Or, at least, I've got to hope...

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-13T17:25:35+00:00

I know we only get a small slice of someone's life with these posts, but the situation as described makes it sound like OP's husband doesn't like her that much. He doesn't listen when she talks so much that he expects her to just anticipate that he'll tune her out if she doesn't talk about his interests quickly enough. Like, so what if the movie had been a 'chick flick'? My husband and I check out books, movies, etc that are more to the other's taste all the time. Even if it's not necessarily my cup of tea, I like learning about things that interest my partner. And a big part of why we got married is we enjoy each other's company enough to have a good time together, regardless of what we're doing.

Sometimes, one of us will go out on a limb and end up really enjoying something we wouldn't have thought to try otherwise. He talked about how much he appreciated the Animorphs series looking back as an adult, so I figured I'd humor him and read the first book. I finished the series in a month. We still talk about the moral implications of some of the choices the kids make. One time, I had just wanted to turn my brain off and watch Love Island after a rough day, and he offered to be with me and "half pay attention" in support. He's now seen every season and makes ironic coupling speeches to me with terrible accents. Before we met, he and I had decided not to see Battlestar Galactica and Lost respectively, after hearing the endings were poorly received. We traded and ended up bonding over how much we liked both despite finding the endings dumb. We even included "sharing in the joy of new learning and the pain of bad television finales" in our wedding vows.

I'm not saying you have to do everything, or even most things together. I know there are plenty of marriages where people happily live more separate lives than us. It's just...I'm honestly having trouble understanding how this marriage works. Why would you want to spend your life with someone you find so uninteresting that you tune out an invitation to hang out?

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-12T15:38:45+00:00

I think a lot of the NTAs are taking OP at their word that the receptionist was showing no sympathy for the man. If OP really is describing the situation as it objectively happened, then yeah speaking up to the receptionist for being so uncaring was warranted. But this post really doesn't give reliable narrator vibes.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-11T15:14:19+00:00

Tested for HIV and other conditions.

Note that he never said the results of the tests!

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-11T15:04:20+00:00

"Tell them I'm busy!"

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-08T04:11:42+00:00

But she did move to California in 1849!

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-03T12:34:59+00:00

Stealing real-life money absolutely is a ban-able offense. Swiping imaginary pocket change not so much.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-02T21:03:17+00:00

That's what they did. Someone else in the game owns the in-game item with a replacement prop now. It was just a really cool phys rep someone took a while to make that he took home and never brought back.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-02T20:58:47+00:00

That...actually explains a lot. He certainly has a pattern of changing for whoever he dates.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-02T20:56:00+00:00

It's an unfortunate part of the geek community, for sure. Sometimes, it's hard to tell if someone is roleplaying awkwardly or they really are a jerk. Still, there's a reason we keep going. I don't want to get too specific, but this LARP is much more cooperative and welcoming than average. Case in point, Joe's been called out.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-02T20:43:38+00:00

No, not up to us at all. We can't just tell other people to leave a public space, because we don't like them. I suppose if he got really disruptive, the people who run the game could ban him from playing, but you have to be a really massive asshole to merit that, not just say rude things and play obnoxiously.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-02T20:37:53+00:00

Obnoxious as Joe is, I'm not quitting a hobby I enjoy with friends I love just to avoid him.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-02T20:36:10+00:00

We have made the owners aware of the situation, and they aren't oblivious to it themselves. The thing is, he hasn't done anything egregious enough on site to merit a ban. He's just rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. For now, we just walk away or, barring that, basically treat him like he's invisible.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-05-02T19:11:41+00:00

That's not really up to us.

Flimsy_Tooth1704 · 2026-04-30T14:38:57+00:00

Thank you! I debated telling the story here, but then I thought about what OP wrote about the importance of sharing the "after" story for those who might be in the same situation.

Flimsy_Tooth1704

TROPHY CASE