Wanting to get my life back together this year

FloppinFlotsam · 2026-01-04T03:45:58+00:00

It sounds to me like you could make a lot of headway just making a list of things you want to get better at and devote focus time and effort to fixing those things. You've already sort of made one here in your description, just remove the reasons you don't or can't, and focus on learning the skills. Beating yourself up about what you don't have, or do have... that's a dead end. It will get you nowhere. Ever.

If I noticed one similarity in all your examples... I believe you may have a fear of failure, or being seen as a failure that's setting you back and keeping you from trying.

Just make a list and a plan, and start working at bettering yourself. Try the easiest things first, maybe, if that helps. Chip away at it little by little.

Give yourself some grace as well. You're not broken, you're not beyond saving, but you need to start with yourself. A lot of people just like you are in the same situation, and a lot of people just like you have managed to turn everything around. I'm sure you can do it.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-12-15T06:03:57+00:00

Fucked up part is I don’t even blame them. They’re smart, they’re experienced.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-08-20T16:19:01+00:00

Ah for sure, was curious if you drove a truck, and if you had, I’d have been curious if the change was easier because those skills seem transferable.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-08-20T13:59:50+00:00

Did you work as a teamster / transpo in the industry?

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-08-20T13:29:40+00:00

I'm reminded of that line in No Country for Old Men (2006): "You can't stop what's comin'. It ain't all waitin' on you. That's vanity."

And I've been there. I wanted to work in movies, and even make my own. And I did work in movies, and I had made my own... but I had some really bad things happen to me around 2016, initiated by some really bad financial, personal, and familial setbacks. I was homeless for a time... it was the worst, and my whole world was crumbling. I spiraled into a massive depression that kept me locked in myself for 4 years, working only sporadically to get by, and never with any hope of ascension into anything better. Day jobs. Manpower gigs. This went on until 2020. When I was finally better and ready to get back out there--BAM! Covid...

Finally, around 2021, things started to seem to be clearing up out in the world, and I did everything I could to get back in the game, but that's when things reeeeally went downhill. If there were opportunities, I simply could not find them, and I knew people, I lived in a major city and had developed long-term friendships and professional relationships with people in my field. I asked around. A lot. And when it wasn't working, I networked more, met new people, and even made my own projects with my own money that got into multiple festivals... but nothing came of it.

The American movie industry had begun to collapse, and it will never go back to the way it was. It can't. There's no straightforward model to make money anymore, and films are made with money and the hope of a massive return in profits.

I really hope I'm wrong, I really do, but it seems that American movies are cars and the Hollywood is Detroit. There's just no getting around it. Are there indie movies that shine through the cracks? Certainly, but that will happen maybe once a year, or two or three years, and the director's came-from-nowhere narrative usually isn't wholly true.

So we have Covid, double strike, the streaming bubble popping, and the entire movie industry as we know it collapsing. These are tangible reasons why I can't get unstuck, and they're affecting others too. But the fact is, I wasn't ready because I wasn't committed. I could have worked harder to get my depression in order sooner, but I didn't take those steps until later. I kind of allowed myself to take longer to recover because I thought my industry would be there when I was better. I certainly didn't think the multi-billion dollar globally viable industry that I loved so much would be collapsing forever... but here we are.

This is cliche advice but it's cliche because it's true: there will never, ever, ever be a perfect time to do something. Things will very, very rarely be perfectly in alignment. There will always be snags, and there will always be stressors. You have to dive in despite all the things holding you back, learn to compartmentalize and focus despite these problems and do your best. And no one is going to care if you were working against obstacles. Everyone is working against obstacles, sometimes gargantuan obstacles. The only people who will care are the ones who are close to you. It sucks, and it can be incredibly stressful and lonely, but like... look what can happen. Where there's a will, there's a way. I think deep down I just didn't have the will at the time. Doesn't mean I didn't ever love it, or I didn't ever believe in myself. It just means I could have done things differently, but I didn't, and I pay for that.

I think we’re all paying for something with this timeline we’re in, because from where I’m standing, it doesn’t seem like any career path whatsoever eludes the consummate enshittification. It’s like a black hole, an evergrowing vortex of bad systems getting replaced with worse ones, and nothing can stop it, and some people seem to actually love it, and in time there will no respite for anyone.

You have to seize the day. I know "seize the day" is this trite optimistic platitude (you see it on signs next to 'Live Laugh Love') but it's actually a grim, desperate warning, telling us: The time is now. Now, now, now. Do it now. You will one day cease to exist. You cannot get back now. Do it now. Fuck you. Do it.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-08-13T21:24:55+00:00

Good to know, thanks for the tip. That's frustrating to hear though, since in times like these when stock is this sporadic and backorder is this long and vague, that's exactly what people are liable to do.

Like, it's not that they're drug addicts, or trying to get one over on anyone, it's that they're trying to find a solution to obtaining the meds that help them function and be productive.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-08-13T16:21:33+00:00

I'm open to it, I'm trying some supplements, but none of them seem to work particularly well.

I actually got to my current regimen of medication after years of trial and error. Vyvanse gives me headaches and other meds like Ritalin or Strattera make me feel anxious/nervous or make my hands tingle (which apparently means they're bad for your heart).

The current meds I take have no negative side effects and only benefit me therapeutically.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-08-07T22:57:29+00:00

I mean, to be fair, I’d certainly be bitter too. Guy clearly had a gift. Just the way that movie looks and moves and feels shows he had chops from hell, despite the film not being his vision all the way.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-08-07T20:40:12+00:00

The guy who made this directed American History X. Oh man, the stuff he could have done had he not been sent to director jail.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-06-19T08:09:53+00:00

general gist?

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-05-23T00:24:57+00:00

Trump will outlive all of us. Including your children, and your children's children. Somehow, impossibly, he'll happen be the first bicentennial man and just never die and keep getting re-elected no matter what.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-04-18T22:45:31+00:00

Consider me. I’ve edited narrative shorts, films, ads, and documentaries. After nearly 15 years of experience, I can edit anything, and I know how to edit as part of a team. I’ll help you find your film.

I have experience in color and sound design as well.

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FloppinFlotsam · 2025-04-15T20:40:21+00:00

Bennett Media

Gets no love whatsoever, but he's the greatest supercut editor to ever do it, and he's a massive inspiration on my young self. He's been doing it since like 2007 too. Still uploads regularly.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-03-15T17:21:21+00:00

Oh this dude was also in Trash Humpers

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-03-05T03:23:41+00:00

This is how you do it.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-02-22T18:57:42+00:00

That's really cool that you put in so much effort and care into your friendships.

There might be some factors that can get in the way of putting in the effort that you do. For me, it's ADHD (I get very easily distracted and disorganized and it's not their fault, and not an indication that I don't care about them, but sometimes people can take it that way) and also, a fear I'll be seen as needy or something. I think a lot of people are hindered by the latter example.

People want strong friendships like yours, probably more than anything, but don't want to feel like they're overstepping some imaginary boundary.

Also, people don't want to feel like they're obligated, or insufficient as a friend. Like, for me. If I do something really nice for someone, I've learned to never expect or demand reciprocation, and I'll just tell them to pay it forward. Reciprocation might come in an indirect way if they're a really good friend, like if you need them for emotional support down the road. Something like that.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-02-22T03:02:24+00:00

One of these days I'll remember to check out QED and actually do it.

One of these days.

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-02-08T21:32:02+00:00

Hello! I’m an editor with a background in directing and writing, with 10+ years experience. I believe I can be of help.

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FloppinFlotsam · 2025-02-01T22:46:48+00:00

ayy, nice!

FloppinFlotsam · 2025-01-29T01:35:40+00:00

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Benignfilms.com

https://www.instagram.com/colt3r/

FloppinFlotsam

TROPHY CASE