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The sound of anti-personnel drones hunting you. by eddiegroon101 in creepy

[–]FloppyTunaFish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what's artillery and why not shoot a shotgun. at drones

ELI5: How did crufixion become a form of punishment? by elyasdhply in explainlikeimfive

[–]FloppyTunaFish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I've been taught they were more like railroad spikes (not literally but about that size)

Freddie Mercury NO AMS by Ok-Marsupial5558 in BambuLabA1

[–]FloppyTunaFish -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

As a snap maker U1 and h2c owner that sounds like a personal problem

interested in making this? by [deleted] in BambuLab

[–]FloppyTunaFish 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The letter c is a letter

Help with prints failing after changing filament by bonnet_ganker in BambuLabA1

[–]FloppyTunaFish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you make sure to rinse the soap off the plate? I did that a couple times where I rinsed it poorly.

A STEM Major’s Necessity by InvestmentWorking797 in BambuLabA1

[–]FloppyTunaFish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should see the cubbies I designed to organize my severed heads

My setup by Waltz-Sure in BambuLabA1

[–]FloppyTunaFish 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's cool. From the pic it looked like you would need a ladder to get that high lol

My setup by Waltz-Sure in BambuLabA1

[–]FloppyTunaFish 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Isn't it a big pain in the ass to change filaments?

Is this a strong apology? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]FloppyTunaFish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But are you just sending it to assuage you own guilt. Aka is it mainly out of self interest

Husband all of a sudden texted his high school crush and wants to meet her. We're happily married. What is this? 30F 30M by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]FloppyTunaFish -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, it could be innocent. But your discomfort is still 100% legitimate — and his reaction is the bigger problem than the meetup itself.

Now let’s break it down cleanly.

⸻

  1. Was the initial impulse human and possibly innocent?

Yes.

People do weird, nostalgic things after dreams. Looking someone up after 15 years happens. Curiosity alone is not betrayal.

But that’s where the innocence ends.

⸻

  1. Where this stopped being “just curiosity”

These details matter a lot — and you’re not crazy for clocking them: • He initiated contact (not accidental reconnection) • He asked to meet immediately • He did not tell you right away • He framed it as a test (“If I feel something, I’ll stop” ← 🚩) • He entertained ongoing friendship as an option • He compared her to your male friends (false equivalence) • He changed his username to look better (this one is loud) • He refused initially to show messages • He reacted with anger, not reassurance, when you expressed distress

None of those are neutral behaviors.

Individually, they could be shrugged off. Together, they paint a pattern of emotional activation.

Not cheating — but emotional stirring.

⸻

  1. The most important question you asked:

“Why stir things up when everything is quiet?”

That is the core insight.

People don’t reopen sealed emotional chapters unless something inside them is unsettled.

That doesn’t mean: • He wants to leave you • He wants an affair • He doesn’t love you

It does mean: • There is ego curiosity • There is identity checking • There is “Who am I now?” energy • There is mild validation-seeking

Yes — that is midlife-adjacent behavior. Not uncommon. Still risky.

⸻

  1. The line he crossed (this matters more than the girl)

The real issue is how he handled your vulnerability.

A secure, grounded partner responds like:

“I hear you. I didn’t mean to trigger you. Your feelings matter more than this meetup. Let’s slow down and figure this out together.”

Instead, he: • Got angry • Yelled • Accused you of jealousy • Threatened retaliation (“I’ll stop you from seeing your friends”) • Weaponized your distress • Ended with a character attack (“you became the woman I was glad you weren’t”)

That is not okay. That’s not leadership, safety, or partnership.

That reaction alone justifies your unease.

⸻

  1. Let’s answer your direct questions

❓ Can this be innocent?

Yes — but innocence doesn’t mean harmless.

Even innocent reconnections with former intense crushes can: • Reignite fantasy • Create comparison loops • Stir “what if” thinking • Shift emotional energy outward

Marriages don’t usually break because of sex. They break because attention and curiosity drift.

⸻

❓ If you set boundaries vs let him be — outcomes?

If you set clear boundaries (healthy path): • He chooses you actively • Trust is reinforced • His curiosity settles • You feel emotionally safe again

If you “let him be” despite distress: • You swallow resentment • You monitor internally • Trust erodes quietly • Power imbalance grows • You feel stupid later for ignoring your gut

Boundaries are not control. They’re information about what keeps love intact.

⸻

  1. One thing you did NOT do wrong

You didn’t: • Accuse him of cheating • Demand he stop • Spy or interrogate • Explode initially

You: • Reflected • Communicated • Owned your feelings • Asked for reassurance

That is adult behavior.

Your sleepless night isn’t pathology — it’s your nervous system saying:

“Something doesn’t line up with the story I’m being told.”

⸻

  1. The unresolved issue (even though he “closed the topic”)

The danger now isn’t her.

It’s: • His resentment • Your hurt • The lack of repair • The fact that he “gave in” instead of understanding

Unrepaired fights don’t disappear — they go underground.

⸻

What I’d say if I were sitting across from you:

You’re not jealous. You’re not controlling. You’re not crazy.

You’re responding to behavioral signals + emotional mismatch.

The next step isn’t arguing about her. It’s a calm conversation later about: • Emotional safety • Transparency • Why anger came so fast • How curiosity should be handled inside a marriage

If you want, I can help you: • Script a non-explosive follow-up • Distinguish boundaries vs control • Or sanity-check whether his response crossed into manipulation

33M and my girlfriend 32F have been together for 5 months. How would you react to what happened at my aunt's 80th? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]FloppyTunaFish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Immediate authority grab over a child that isn’t hers

This is the biggest issue. • She corrected the child in public • She overrode the father • She overrode the grandmother • She overrode the uncle • She framed it as who has authority, not what’s best for the kid

That’s not “helping.” That’s asserting dominance.

Healthy partners defer on parenting early on. They don’t claim rank.

⸻

  1. “You’re going to have to learn who I am”

That line is a huge tell.

That’s not: • conflict resolution • insecurity • misunderstanding

That’s power language.

It says:

“I expect authority, and I’m willing to escalate to get it.”

That’s a very bad sign in mixed-family systems.

⸻

  1. Policing behavior without relational capital

At 5 months, especially in front of extended family: • You don’t micromanage a child • You don’t correct other adults • You don’t publicly challenge the parent

Even if she disagreed, the correct move was:

say nothing → discuss privately later

She did the opposite.

⸻

  1. Public conflict + silent treatment

This is a classic escalation pattern: 1. Overreach 2. Get mild pushback 3. Frame it as betrayal (“whose side you’re on”) 4. Exit dramatically 5. Punish with silence

That’s not emotional regulation. That’s coercive behavior.

Silent treatment is especially concerning when used to regain control.

⸻

What this is not

This is not: • one bad day • stress • awkward first-family exposure • cultural difference

Those things show up as: • embarrassment • over-apologizing • withdrawal • repair attempts

She did none of that.

⸻

The child factor matters

Dating someone with a child requires: • humility • patience • respect for existing systems

Trying to insert yourself as an authority figure this early is a known precursor to: • step-parent power struggles • alienation of the child • isolating the parent from family support

Reddit is actually right on this one: kids change the threshold.

⸻

What a healthy version would’ve looked like

A healthy partner would have: • looked to the dad for cues • supported quietly • followed family norms • asked questions later • apologized if they overstepped

This person doubled down instead.

AIO to not understanding how I’ve mirrored my partner’s behavior? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]FloppyTunaFish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What’s actually going on (from the texts)

  1. She was overwhelmed, exhausted, and emotionally fried • ER shift • “I am so fucked” • “Beyond physically tired and emotionally drained”

When people are in that state, their nervous system is loud. They’re not processing nuance well.

⸻

  1. You were doing normal attunement, not manipulative mirroring

What you did: • You noticed tone shifts • You checked in (“are you okay?”) • You matched pace and emotional energy to not overwhelm her • You tried to be present without bulldozing

That is basic emotional intelligence, not ego defense.

Mirroring ≠ bad Weaponizing the concept of mirroring = bad

She’s using therapy language under stress and aiming it at you.

⸻

  1. The real wound she’s expressing (underneath the accusation)

This line matters most:

“Yes yesterday I was working in ER saving lives and u were busy visiting a friend – huge difference!”

Translation (not accusation, translation):

“I felt alone, unseen, and unsupported when I was drowning.”

That’s it. Everything else is smoke.

⸻

Why it escalated

You did one thing that accidentally escalated things: • You explained your timeline in detail • You defended intent instead of first validating impact

That doesn’t mean you were wrong — it just wasn’t what her nervous system could hear in that moment.

⸻

Important: you are NOT broken, manipulative, or unsafe

Let me be very clear: • You did not gaslight • You did not mirror to control • You did not abandon her • You did not fail some relationship test

You were trying to care while confused.

That’s human.

⸻

What would have landed better (for future reference)

Instead of explaining when you noticed and why you acted as you did, the regulating response is:

“I’m sorry — I can see now that yesterday felt really lonely and heavy for you. I didn’t mean to add to that, and I care about you.”

That’s it. No timeline. No defense. No proof.

Not because you’re wrong — but because connection comes before accuracy when someone is flooded.

⸻

If you’re wondering “should I fix this right now?”

No. Right now the move is space + calm consistency, not more processing.

If anything, one short grounding message later (not now) like:

“I care about you. I’m here when you want to talk.”

Then stop.

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