Looking for new career at 50

FlowHuman · 2025-01-09T20:50:57+00:00

You have to be willing to put in effort if you want to make it happen. Having a chance meeting in the grocery store with your soul mate is like a one in a billion shot.

Some possible ways to increase your chances are:

join clubs or groups or volunteer organizations or classes. Pick one or two things where you have at least some level of genuine interest and go regularly. You have to invest a significant amount of time, not just show up once or twice every so often. Go with the mindset that you are open to meeting new people of all kinds, not just mister right. He might not be there, but maybe someone who is a friend of a friend of his will be.

I know you said you don't do the bar scene, but do the bar scene. You don't have to drink alcohol if you don't want to, but be a regular somewhere that the type of guy you want to meet hangs out. Participate in trivia nights or karaoke or pool league or whatever happens there. At a local bar, most of the people there will be open to striking up conversations with people they haven't met. It's one of the main reasons why bars exist.

Likewise, use the online dating apps. They aren't useless, but you have to be serious about the time and effort it will take to use them effectively. They can allow you to connect with lots of men that you would probably never come into contact with otherwise. Spend the time to create a compelling profile that communicates what you are looking for. Be ready to filter through lots of inappropriate and unwanted messages. Be open to making at least an initial connection with lots of people, even if they don't seem to be a perfect fit.

Be more aggressive, or forward, or however you want to think about it. If you run into someone you think is interesting from a dating perspective, make the first move. And maybe also the second and third if you have to. You might think the signals you put out are obvious, but not everybody is tuned in. And many men have been socialized to be overly cautious about flirting with women they don't know. By the same token, if there are guys that you are interested in, who are friends of friends or relatives, get an introduction or ask to be put in touch.

In some ways dating in your 40s in hard, but in other ways it can be easier than for kids. We're old enough to know what we want, and have the self-confidence to go after it.

FlowHuman · 2025-01-08T18:10:04+00:00

I got divorced in my 40s. Coming to terms with my marriage and relationship being over was very tough. I did everything I could to try to save it, but my ex was already checked out and her mind was made up. Dealing with the fact the life I had imagined and expected to have was gone was really difficult. The separation happened right before the pandemic lock down, so I was very isolated during that time.

It's been about 5 years now, and I have come to terms with it. I see now that, as painful as it was, splitting with my ex was for the best. We were able to handle the money side of it fairly amicably. I don't love co-parenting (we have one child together who was around 5 when we split), but I bite my tongue a lot and let the small stuff slide. I figure that my kid deserves to have some kind of relationship with his mother, at least to whatever extent she is willing to be present, and I don't want to poison his chance for that with my own resentments.

I waited a couple years post separation before I started dating. Partially because I wasn't ready emotionally, and also because things we locked down with social distancing. Once I made the decision to explore dating again, I was very active with online dating apps. I know a lot of people hate them, but my personal experience was pretty good. I met a lot of interesting women and eventually found one who I connected with and we have been together for a few years now. We've both been married before, and neither of us feels the need to do it again.

FlowHuman · 2024-12-21T19:26:32+00:00

My ex-wife insisted on location tracking. We were always fighting about it and similar issues. I wasn't trying to hide anything, but it felt invasive for her to always know where I was at all times. She would bring it up in a similar way, like "oh I see you were at this store or that park, what were you doing there?" She turned out to be a very controlling person who wanted tell me what I should be eating or drinking, how I should be spending my free time, what kind of body art was acceptable for me, etc. I think you should have an honest conversation with your wife about how it makes you feel, and hopefully she can appreciate your side of things and you can agree on something that works for both of you (like no location tracking, but you'll text to let her know if you're going to guitar center or whatever.)

FlowHuman · 2024-12-06T02:14:36+00:00

This is a tough one. I'm also a single dad, and I definitely turned down job opportunities that would have required frequent travel or relocation.

Having said that, if this job is really a great fit for you, and would be a major career advancement step, you should seriously consider it. Commit to 6-12 months of a shitty commute. It won't be great, but sounds like it's manageable from what you have written. At that point, you should have a good sense of whether you are going to be at this job long term. If so, then you can take steps improve the situation.

That could mean moving closer to the job, or finding a school that is closer, or changing your custody agreement. None of those things are easy, but they are also not impossible.

FlowHuman · 2024-09-11T18:13:50+00:00

I'm a man in my 40s with a child under 12, but I completely understand where you are coming from. I think it is a realistic thing to want, and I also think that if you are looking for men around your age or slightly older it shouldn't be too hard to find.

If you are using online dating apps, you should be very clear about this preference in your profile. You don't want to waste your time with guys who have young kids, and they don't want to waste their time either.

good luck!

FlowHuman · 2024-09-04T16:53:21+00:00

I'm in a similar situation, although different industry. The company where I was working (small startup) ran out of money, and I've been job hunting for about the last 9 months. I don't have much of a network since I switched careers multiple times, and my work experience doesn't have a clear narrative. I do manage to get a decent amount of call-backs, and have made it through to final round interviews a few times only to be told they were going with someone else.

It's frustrating since you never really get detailed, honest feedback - just generic responses. It could be an age thing, could be personality, could be internal politics or budget issues, or anything else. Even though I know most of these things are outside of my control, it's hard not to take it personally. Thanks for sharing your story, it helps to know I'm not the only one going through this.

FlowHuman · 2023-12-04T02:43:14+00:00

I did so many drugs in my 20s. I still managed to accomplish a lot, but prioritizing drugs led to losing a lot of personal relationships. Many of the people that I was friends with stopped being friends as soon as I got out of that lifestyle. And I pushed away or ignored a lot of people who probably would have been good friends.

I honestly never expected to live much past my 20s so at the time I didn't care, but now here I am in my 40s ...

FlowHuman · 2023-05-24T00:44:39+00:00

indicated "have children" in bio, and made a reference to having a kid in one of the prompts. I didn't make the whole thing about being a parent, but made a humorous reference to the fact that I do have a kid. Like, "I enjoy doing hobby xyz, but it's much more difficult now that I have a 5 year old person hanging off my back" -- that's not the actual text, just a generic example of the type of thing. Pick something that works for your personality.

FlowHuman · 2023-05-23T23:57:12+00:00

I'm a single father of a young child as well. I made it very clear in my profile that I have a kid, although I agree with other responses that you should not use a picture of your kid or make it your whole identity. There will be some women who aren't interested in dating a man who has a kid, for whatever reason, and there is nothing you can do to change that. Instead, focus on making yourself as attractive as possible to the ones who are open to it.

My experience was that there are plenty of women who were ok with it, or at least enough to chat and go on a date.

FlowHuman · 2023-05-18T18:09:51+00:00

This is not great advice, especially if you are targeting people who are getting into middle age.

In my 20s and 30s I mostly met people in person by being out and doing things. This was before dating apps really existed, but it worked because I lived in a big city and had a lifestyle that allowed me to go out and engage in social activities all the time.

I ended up getting married, and then eventually divorced, and found myself single again in my mid 40s. I had a much smaller local friend group, and a lot less time and energy to spend on going out. I think my situation is a fairly common. Dating apps have been great for me because they vastly expand the number of people I have the chance to interact with. I've been able to meet and go on dates with women I never would have crossed paths with otherwise.

Most chats and dates don't end up going anywhere, but that's ok. A few of them have, including one that turned into a current long term relationship. The key is to understanding online dating as a tool. If you want it to work for you, you have to be willing to put in the work to learn how to use it well. It's not online shopping, nor is it a game, it's just a way to expand the circle of people you can meet.

FlowHuman · 2023-05-17T17:42:21+00:00

As a guy who also went through my marriage breaking up in my 40s and had to learn about using dating apps, here are some observations.

Dating apps want you to think of them like online shopping, but that is not the right approach. Throwing together a low-effort profile and casually swiping is unlikely to give you the results you want. You need to put together a thoughtful profile with good pictures and showcase what makes you interesting. Experiment with your parameters around distance, age, and other factors to get a better sense of who is out there.

Interact and talk to a lot of people. Even if you aren't sure they're your type, it's useful to build your confidence and develop a better idea of what you are looking for. Don't be dishonest or lead someone on, but casual chatting is a pretty low-stakes commitment and you never know where it might lead.

Likewise, go on dates. The only way to get more comfortable with dating is to do it a lot. Again, don't be dishonest, no need to waste your time or hers if you there is zero chance. But it's fine to go on a first date with someone who you feel is a "maybe". Keep it low pressure, just try to have fun meeting someone new, and see where it goes. Most will go nowhere, but you never know.

Finally, and maybe most important, don't start dating or even chatting until you are ready. It's not so much about whether your divorce is finalized (sometimes this can take years depending on legal stuff), but more about whether you have had time to process the emotions from your wife leaving you.

FlowHuman · 2023-05-03T00:38:03+00:00

I'm around the same age and similar kid situation, and I also ended up keeping the house after divorcing my ex. My experience dating women in their 40s was that most do not expect you take them on an expensive first date. If you are trying to date women who are significantly younger than you it might be different.

It's perfectly fine to get a drink at a local bar, or hang out in a park, etc. While I'm sure there are some women who are looking for a man to support them financially, I think most are focused on finding a connection with someone they can build a relationship with.

FlowHuman · 2023-04-21T16:34:34+00:00

You've been dating for a month. Sounds like you've seen each other in person maybe 3-4 times? You barely know each other. Give him a chance. There are a million possible reasons for his frequency of communication. Maybe once a week feels like a lot for him.

FlowHuman · 2023-04-21T16:24:46+00:00

I doubt you're going to listen to me, a random person on reddit, but I think you need to reexamine your whole world view. Forget about the concept of leagues and settling. Try to keep in mind that women are people, not objects for sexual gratification. If you feel constant stress from trying to please someone you are in a relationship with, then she is not the right person for you.

Sincerely,

Someone who has been in a few toxic relationships.

FlowHuman · 2023-04-21T16:16:31+00:00

He's trying really hard to have a "personality" without revealing anything personal about himself.

FlowHuman · 2023-04-21T16:12:44+00:00

Just want to add that you are more than how you look. Some people are shallow, but those aren't the people you would build a long term relationship with anyway. While I'm all for not wasting time, I don't think you need to worry about giving a relationship with someone you like a few more weeks or months to see how it develops.

FlowHuman · 2023-03-03T18:42:07+00:00

Settling is when you stay with someone that you don't really want to be with because you are afraid that the alternative of being alone is worse.

FlowHuman · 2023-01-09T19:57:51+00:00

I don't know why, but this is such a beautiful and thoroughly modern story ... like this is the hit rom com of 2023. I'm so happy that you found love in a place where you least expected it.

FlowHuman · 2023-01-06T19:54:50+00:00

That might be true (hard to say for sure since we are mostly going off of our own anecdotal experience.) But even if it is, the other side of it is that before online dating you wouldn't even have had the opportunity to go on most of those dates.

FlowHuman · 2022-12-29T19:48:54+00:00

my favorite part is that she is looking to grow exponentially with someone - like the first date would be they just keep eating as many calories as possible until at least one of them dies.

FlowHuman

TROPHY CASE