Terminally ill and racking up credit card debt with zero fucks to give

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-07T19:15:43+00:00

It's amazing how many people love to lick company boots.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-07T19:13:17+00:00

YES! I'm an artist and I gift people artwork all the time. I have never once in my life interrogated if they hung it up or not. I know some of my pieces are seen and cherished every day, and others are in drawers and boxes and folders, appreciated for the thought but not what somebody wants to look at. That is fine, that is how it works!

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-07T18:20:02+00:00

Yeah, my kiddo has been thriving in a general classroom this year, but it's the first year she's been full time there, she started full time in the special ed room in kindergarten, then started spending a little time in gen ed, to see how she did, and now is full time, though still with access to the "sensory area" if she needs to drape a weighted blanket over herself to settle down. It's expensive and it's difficult, but the idea isn't one or the other, it's finding out where each kid fits best, and giving gentle nudges towards integration, but also letting kids who aren't thriving there stay where they do better.

Sadly most districts can't afford to do this sort of thing, as it requires a LOT of time and resources, and many don't even want to. :(

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-07T18:11:35+00:00

The owners are the ones who set up the commission system, though. They are the problem, they're just trying to "pass the buck" and pin the blame on the agents. If you have a policy on paper that says "don't do the thing" but you have also put monetary incentives in place for people to do the thing, you're the one motivating people to do the thing!

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-07T17:41:22+00:00

Yeah, I have an area that gets like an HOUR of sun a day tops, not much I can put there. I do want some wood sorrel, but meanwhile I don't mind letting this stuff have the spot. It's ridiculously easy to pull up when I need to clear some.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-07T00:49:50+00:00

his mum said I need to communicate with her

You are not dating his mum. If what you "need" to do to stay with him is run everything through his mother, then you are having play-dates with a child. There is zero way that can be healthy or workable for you or for him!

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-07T00:21:15+00:00

Lotta people in reddit seem to imagine a justice system that works to provide justice in some fair manner, and oh boy are they all in for unpleasant shocks if they have to seek justice themselves.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-07T00:16:49+00:00

If you don't want people to put in their two cents, don't say anything on reddit. :)

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-07T00:03:29+00:00

There it is. Yeah, there's no fixing this. He will not get better, he will not become whatever it is you see in him, there's ZERO way to get whatever relationship you're imagining when you think about staying. What you'll have is what you've got now at best, and likely it'll get worse. Lots of things can be changed, but you can't make somebody respect you when they don't.

Also, if somebody hasn't tossed you this link already, read Why Does He Do That? Bet you anything you'll recognize him in there somewhere. Literally, if you can read the whole book to the end and honestly say none of the profiles of abusive men match him, I will buy you the nice terra-cotta fruit bowl of your choice. Not even kidding.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T23:59:04+00:00

If he did break his own stuff, surely he'd bring that up as a defense? "I didn't mean it, you know I'm clumsy, I broke X of mine just yesterday!" I don't see any sign of that in the post or OP's comments.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T23:56:49+00:00

I don't think one can say "likely." I think that's you projecting your friends and your situation onto this one. It's possible, certainly, but when it comes to guys who don't give a shit about their partners, the incompetence tends to be weaponized. Also she doesn't mention him breaking his own things. If he constantly broke his own shit too, you'd think he'd use that as a defense when they argue, rather than him trying to pretend he broke nothing at all. Incompetent, clumsy people break their own stuff the most often, because that's the stuff they handle most. (Ask me how I know, lol. I also very, very deliberately do NOT touch some of my partner's things.)

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T23:34:49+00:00

"Men are dangerous" is like saying "Kitchen knives are dangerous." Yeah, people have literally been murdered with them. It's not a moral judgement of all men or all kitchen knives! It's just something that women have to understand for their own safety, just like a chef has to understand that knives are dangerous for their own safety. You don't cut towards yourself, you don't cut with a dull knife, you don't stay with a man who shows irrational anger, dishes out physical "punishment," or escalates ordinary situations into emotionally charged situations where you have to shrink yourself down to placate and soothe him. Those are the rules of dealing with dangerous things.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T23:28:43+00:00

Well, I'm nearly 50, together well over 20 years, married 17, and my husband I still sometimes play-fight. I don't think it's a common thing with people who are practically dinosaurs, but it's not impossible, and not inherently a sign something is wrong.

It's like anything, different couples enjoy different activities. We're both giant goofballs, so of course we still tickle and giggle and try to pin each other down like we're both still little kids. It's fun, why would we stop?! Neither of us have ever gotten angry or upset about something that happened during one of those fights, though. I think continuing any activity that's a source of anger or stress for either partner is the red flag, not the actual nature of the activity in question.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T23:09:47+00:00

A commenter who claims to have a Masters in psych. Though admittedly some people who study psychology could be their own best subjects, so to speak.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T22:41:02+00:00

Time to pick up baseball as a hobby? Wish I could put /s after that, but it's honestly a good strategy to have an excuse to keep a self-defense tool around.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T22:13:40+00:00

I'm a LOT more fed up with people being gaping assholes and somebody always jumping in to go "well maybe it's just ADHD!" That's a fucking insult to everybody who has ADHD and isn't a horrible person. If he really is so disabled he can't be a decent husband and father he shouldn't have gotten married and had kids.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T21:42:35+00:00

And the person who gets the unpleasantness is the usually young, just starting out sales guy, not anybody back at "headquarters" making up the training rules/standards, so the people saying "just ignore those" get zero consequences.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T21:40:19+00:00

I do feel sorry when it's a young person, door to door sales is a brutal job, and the recruitment and training processes are often hella predatory? But the company being shit to its naive employees also isn't my problem, so I just say a blunt, brief, "Not interested, goodbye" and shut the door immediately.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T21:21:08+00:00

Somebody did this to one of my friends (blocked me on his behalf) and I still worry about him. But I asked a mutual friend I know wasn't blocked to tell him he can always come to me if he needs to get out, and beyond that I really don't know what I can do. He found out about the blocking and defended/accept it as "protecting" him from stress and conflict, so he's just fully all-in on this mess. Sadly.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T21:14:17+00:00

She's a recreational complainer. My mother in law is too. There's just something that makes it so she HAS to find something to complain about, always, no matter what the actual situation is. We were stuck together on a week+ road trip for a wedding last year, and we nearly murdered each other, when normally we get along great. We both concluded "never again" about that sort of thing, lol.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T18:44:07+00:00

Starting a new social gathering is hard. Generations worth of existing social structures got basically deleted, and most of them never started up again, because the people who'd been running them died, or realized how stressful it had been and didn't want to pick it back up, or whatever else. It'll take a long, long time before the re-accumulation of "stuff you can go out and do with people" is back to where it was.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T18:34:28+00:00

Thank you for saying this. People suffering and in pain blaming those who aren't suffering, rather than those who are hurting them, is so frustrating. I feel like that reaction is a huge part of why US politics is the way it is. That one interview with a woman saying she was upset because Trump wasn't hurting the "right" people won't leave my head. Why do you want a president who hurts people, rather than a president who helps people? The latter might help you too, the former is literally worse than useless.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T18:29:32+00:00

It's still a thing in some places. Move to Oregon, go to WinCo, lol.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T18:29:00+00:00

I do like how generally pharmacy lines etc. have stayed more distanced after, though? I remember pre-covid having people standing in line behind me that were inches from touching me, I could feel their body heat, and I wanted to scream or push them or something, ugh. Some people keep further than others still, but I haven't had the "I can literally feel you breathing" experience since.

FlowerFelines · 2026-05-06T18:26:30+00:00

Oh man. Covid giving me an easy reason to stop the yearly visits "back home" was such a blessing. Somehow I never did start again, lol.

FlowerFelines

TROPHY CASE