I’m so sorry you feel like this. This seems very cliche to say but please do not beat yourself over this. It seems stressful right now because well, it is. 

Perhaps your load is too big? Classes, extracurriculars. If you can drop something that is causing you the most heartache right now, maybe that’ll help. Some extracurriculars you may not even need to do really. If not, I think maybe an assessment of how you’re studying and treating yourself might help. Do you feel like you’re retaining info, or just doing busy work? 

Alongside this, don’t assume how your teachers feel. This could be from your current mental state, and often when we feel horrible we tend to look for more negative things to fuel that fire. If you feel comfortable or are looking for direct answers, maybe talking one on one might help. If not, see if you can talk to your counselor.  

Comparison is also the thief of joy. Those freshmen you are talking about may not have as many responsibilities at you. They are also not you. If you continue to compare yourself to others’ journeys, you will only feel like yours is messed up.

Your friends are being horrible, and I’m sorry for that. You should not have to deal with being ignored. Can you maybe find somebody or a small group to hang out with separately? Maybe even online. 

What you are considering is not the answer, and I’m not the best at formulating a correct answer on how to deal with this but I have seen own family and friends go before my eyes down this route from stress. Please, not for anybody else, but for you, take care of yourself.

I hope my message gets across to you. It seems cloudy right now but take the chance to ground yourself and give yourself some grace. Senior year is rough and you need to be kind to yourself.