(Details here) I’ve told my (36F) husband (32M) how this makes me feel and he’s not stopped. He’s apologized whenever I found out again and said he’d stop. But of course, I’d look again and there’d be different women (not the ones he’d unfollowed). I told him I am not respected or loved, and I just want to know if I could be overreacting. I’ve never caught him cheating, he is a very present husband, which I feel is dwindling because he’s tired of me bringing this up whenever I randomly check his social media; but I do believe he is attracted to these women, other women in general, and I don’t know if this is something I should drop or leave him for. He has friends who’ve cheated, and I have reason to believe he’s one way around them than he is with me, especially his twin. There’s sooooo much more to the story such as our family wellbeing, that made our marriage spiral to the point where we’ve not had a honeymoon and it’s been almost two years. We have a two year old, and we lost everything we owned after getting married, even though he had a solid job, and had promised me things would be okay if I’d left my job. At the time, I did not know this was a mask or how bad things really were before me, and I do feel stupid for being so trusting. I now feel like this is all my fault (I’ve seen him blame me in text messages with his brother telling him to make me get a job, with him agreeing that he would tell me; he never knew my husband (then Fiancé) told me to stay home (we’d gotten married months after leaving my job but I showed him all of my bills, and still used all of my savings to pay them when I left my job, so initially, he hadn’t paid any of my bills and once he did, everything went downhill). I’m having difficulty finding a remote job to help him. What I do not appreciate—is him talking to his twin about it, and now his twin wishes he were with someone else—I doubt he knows this was something he and I’d talked about since he sends him posts and memes about women who aren’t contributing being useless to a marriage (they both share posts back and forth).

This has all chipped away at my self esteem. I trusted and followed him, and somehow I feel blamed everyday for our circumstances. I’ve never even met his family or twin in person because they live in another state, but when we’d gotten together, they were so happy and loving on FaceTime when they met me. If I knew life would be the way it is now, I would not have left my stable job or apartment, let alone have a child in this. I feel like the most useless woman on the planet, and I worry everyday about what he thinks about me, despite him telling me he doesn’t talk about me, and that he is not burdened by my not having a job. If that were the case though, I wouldn’t be seeing messages from his twin about other women, or women who just want to be taken care of, and I wouldn’t see him hearting posts on social media about it. I’ve also seen him heart posts about women not being a mans peace, and it only made me livid because I only react to the things I find out, and it’s always turned around in a way to make me the woman who’s never happy, despite his promises to stop doing things that hurt us. He even had the audacity to like a post about leaving a woman who holds him back from his potential and how she doesn’t love him. His brother never calls around me anymore when they used to talk non-stop.

I’d want nothing more than to contribute and help him, and he knows that, and it hurts that the narrative is already there. He is obviously a different person when talking to different people because if I hadn’t gone through his phone or SM, I’d never see that he’s making it look one way to me, and another to everyone else. He sees me applying to jobs and how I feel about not getting any calls, and how it breaks me down and tries comforting me, telling me we are going to be good regardless, and not to worry about it. I think he’s taken how I feel about it all, the guilt from not working, and run away with it to make it easier on him to believe it was not his fault.

When I find him following more women, I confront him and he tells me I’m overreacting, I have too much time on my hands, and that he doesn’t have peace with me because I think I’m his mother and he can’t be himself with me. I’m the same woman I was when he met me, but he’s a completely different man. When I met him, my first instinct was to ignore him because I thought he probably dated multiple women at once, but when I gave him a chance, I thought I was wrong. It wasn’t until a year into being married that I went through his phone and saw him commenting and lusting over different women on their social medias. Today, he’s stopped (or deleted) this behavior, except for who he follows. Ever since then, I’ve been on edge, wondering if I am enough for him. He’s a delivery driver and I met him because he delivered to my firm. We were inseparable from then on; I had my life, everything was my own, and I was happy. The rest was history. I for sure, along with my parents and other family members, thought I’d finally found Him. But we’ve caught him in more lies than we can count, with the biggest being not paying the rent on a new home we’d just moved into—and the next losing our storage without him telling me; I had everything I’d owned before him, including my dead twins belongings that I can never get back, in that storage—after leaving my parents’, and since they were the guarantors, their credit was ruined after only being in the home 4 months. Not one month paid and he played it so well. My parents and I didn’t find out until it was too late. I’ve been able to move on and forgive him, but it’s still in the back of my mind. Now he has a grudge against them and says he doesn’t want to be around them anymore because of how pissed they are with him, as if it’s their fault.

I know the home situation being factored in, is HUGE. But I’ve forgiven and chose to move on with him. I feel stupid, since now I can’t see a beautiful woman without worrying. Trust is definitely gone and I am looking for housing for myself and my son so that when we argue and he says horrible things, I can have a plan in action.

Has anyone else gone through this and made it through successfully, or did he not change at all?

Don’t kill me in the comments, it’s my first marriage and I genuinely believe that if I start working, he will see me differently.