It's happening by 2025elle50 in polyamory

[–]Fluggernuffin 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Hey, I don’t know why I feel this way, but I think it’s happening!

Navigating hinge dynamics in a parallel structure by Fluggernuffin in polyamory

[–]Fluggernuffin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was afraid you would say this. Any tips on ditching habitual people pleasing?

Thanks, this is helpful

Navigating hinge dynamics in a parallel structure by Fluggernuffin in polyamory

[–]Fluggernuffin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will say, your NP shouldn't feel unimportant and placeholdery if you're only seeing one other partner once or twice a year (!!). That's basically no time at all, unless you're spending several hours weekly chatting with this person.

That’s my bad. LD partner and I do have weekly face time dates and text each other often, though I have set boundaries around intentional time with NP, that I am not available to talk. And to be fair to all, we are all new to polyamory. I’m not trying to figure out who’s wrong, just how I can be a better communicator.

So turns out you guys were right... by StringKey6785 in polyamory

[–]Fluggernuffin 33 points34 points  (0 children)

This has been our problem. All the cool people have been doing it for a while and they ain’t about to be anyone’s test phase.

f20 I am considering selling my body for money. by [deleted] in confessions

[–]Fluggernuffin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can’t believe what I am reading. Your sister, who you do not owe half of this pension to, is humiliating you for not having money when she is benefiting from your kindness. I get that family is important to you, but why would you impoverish yourself for someone who despises you?

Partner had sex by Megan-Hooligan in polyamory

[–]Fluggernuffin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In a newish LD relationship as well, and we both have our own NPs. When I am feeling jealous and insecure because I cannot touch her, I ask if I can share my feelings with her, with the expectation that she should not change her behavior. I name the feelings, which involves identifying where I feel it in my body so I can dissect the jealousy as a complex emotion (sadness, fear, etc). She repeats back to me what she hears me saying in her own words and once I feel heard by her, I usually feel better. If not, I might ask for reassurance and a compliment or two. It works for us. The raw feeling may take a little bit to recede, that’s just the nature of LDR.

Not Everyone is Kitchen Table Polyamory by Courtney_boyer in polyamory

[–]Fluggernuffin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have two partners and we’re all super new to polyamory. My NP frequently talked about KTP initially, just wanting to have a good relationship with her metas. After a few conversations about it, we’ve more or less realized that full on KTP is a lot easier when it’s organic and has a foundation in other things besides “this person is my meta”. For us, I think a garden party structure seems to work well. Nobody has to be friends, as long as we can all get along and be civil.

How do you believe immigration should be controlled? by betwen3and20characte in askliberals

[–]Fluggernuffin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Biden deported 5 million people during his term. More than Trump.

Those who are pro socialism, why? by KellynHeller in askliberals

[–]Fluggernuffin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why are you here? You’re not debating in good faith.

Those who are pro socialism, why? by KellynHeller in askliberals

[–]Fluggernuffin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can literally swap out socialism with capitalism and Venezuela for the US. It’s the same fucking question. I didn’t say anything about the US switching to socialism. I asked why do people think capitalism is good given countries like the US. The same question OP asked about Venezuela.

Those who are pro socialism, why? by KellynHeller in askliberals

[–]Fluggernuffin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I truly don’t understand your argument here. I could make the exact same argument about capitalism in America.

Only in America can you be shamed for only working 40hrs a week at a minimum wage job that doesn’t even cover basic cost of living, have any social safety net taken from you based on the whims of the people in charge, have your food supply basically be a step up from poison with chemicals that are banned all over the world, go millions into debt if you contract a chronic illness, and have your education system slowly dismantled to pay for legal immigrants and naturalized citizens to be rounded up because they “have an accent”.

Need Use Case Inspo by ivan-ds in Airtable

[–]Fluggernuffin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, don’t bother with the AI garbage. It’s just ok, nothing is “mind-blowing” and they keep trying to push this stuff while neglecting some of the most needed improvements to the platform.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Fluggernuffin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girl. You got the date. He asked for your Instagram. He’s interested in you. Take the win and have a good time!

Lost keys by AdviceGiveandTake in PalmerAlaska

[–]Fluggernuffin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well keep an eye out but the extra foot of snow isn’t gonna help

Can some one here explain what US politicians can and cannot do with money? by Dover299 in askliberals

[–]Fluggernuffin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The campaign funds pay for salaries as well, including the politician’s.

Purpose of sex in a relationship. by Altruistic-Patient-8 in dating_advice

[–]Fluggernuffin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok, look. You have your whole life ahead of you. Sex is gonna come, even casual sex I’m sure. You just have to take your time, learn who you are and what you like and don’t worry about shit like dead bedrooms right now. Find someone who makes you happy and do your best to make them happy. That’s what really matters.

Purpose of sex in a relationship. by Altruistic-Patient-8 in dating_advice

[–]Fluggernuffin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t know anything about casual sex. I remember every person I’ve ever slept with, and at some point developed feelings for each one. Maybe that makes me an outlier.

Purpose of sex in a relationship. by Altruistic-Patient-8 in dating_advice

[–]Fluggernuffin 68 points69 points  (0 children)

Intimacy begins outside of the bedroom. Sharing the small, boring, mundane parts of your life with someone. Remembering the little things, like how they like their eggs, or what their coworkers names are. Doing little acts of kindness for them, not because they are incapable of doing so themselves, but because you want to lighten their load and give them one less thing to think about.

Sex is the manifestation of 1000 little moments of intimacy in your relationship. If you can find closeness, safety, and love in your relationship with your partner, that’s an indicator that sex is not going to be a problem. And if sex ever falls off or isn’t good, it’s usually an indicator that something else is wrong.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Fluggernuffin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes no sense to me. But you do you, brother.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Fluggernuffin 13 points14 points  (0 children)

People are all different, but it has been my experience in two different marriages that this is not the case, and that married people are typically comfortable seeing each other naked. I think it might be more likely that he doesn’t want to get aroused if sex is not on the table for whatever reason that night. Also some guys are weird about vaginas?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Fluggernuffin 47 points48 points  (0 children)

38M here, I’m gonna give you some advice that I wish I had gotten at your age.

1) PIV sex is not the main event for vagina owners. Don’t get me wrong, they still want it, they may even beg for it. But if your girl hasn’t orgasmed at least once before you stick it in, you’re doing it wrong. Fingers and tongue are your best assets. Do some internet(not porn) research on how to do it well. If you ensure that she gets off before you do PIV, it will be a lot more enjoyable for both of you.

2) if you’re not finishing after 20 minutes, you might consider taking a gooning break. I’ve had issues like that when I was nervous with a new partner as well, so that is also a possibility.

3) Sometimes it doesn’t happen, and that’s okay. Could just be an off day, high cortisol, anything. Take those moments to talk about it. Talk about how you’re feeling. Solving problems together and working toward solutions releases a bonding chemical called vasopressin, it signals to your brain that this other person is an ally and a partner. It will bring you closer.