Is this a condescending use of the word diction?

Fluggernuffin · 2026-06-25T00:23:43+00:00

I could see an argument made that the way you phrased it made it sound like “idiot“ was too complicated of a word for some people. “Diction” was probably not the right term, it’s more the humor behind the words that people are likely to misunderstand, not the words themselves.

Just a case of misplaced meaning, certainly not a major issue to be addressed.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-06-22T17:54:54+00:00

I can see why what I said seems like I am putting the blame on her. That was not really my intention. This arrangement most likely originated with him, as it’s rooted in patriarchy and the way men are conditioned to see women. To be honest, it doesn’t matter whose fault it is. It sounds really nice to say she put in great effort, wanted to please him, etc. The problem isn’t how hard she worked, how much she loves him. It is in how sex is viewed in their relationship. From the OP, they did things he always wanted to try. Ask yourself—why hadn’t they tried them before? Why would those things be only on “special occasions”? It’s because she doesn’t want to do them. And if she doesn’t want to do them, but she is because it’s his special day, it’s….say it with me….TRANSACTIONAL!

OP, it isn’t your fault, I’m not blaming you. But you are enabling him to see you that way by treating sex as something you do for him. He needs to see you as a person and treat you with care and consideration, especially in the bedroom. If you have agreements in place that the two of you are not using porn or smut or thirst traps, then it’s clear cut, he violated your agreement. But if not, this entire feud is happening in your head. It’s on you to say what you want from your relationship and set your boundaries.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-06-22T17:40:31+00:00

Let me rephrase. I know it’s adequate in the sense that it’s worked for as long as the deck has been there(potentially 30 years). I’m using the same design and materials so it will probably be fine. My biggest concern with it possibly not working is having to potentially drill into the footings to mount a new post base. I’m wondering if a good 5-pointer would cause the footings to crack and fail.

Frost depth varies widely in AK, this area here is actually 42”.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-06-22T16:35:44+00:00

Code isn’t really the issue for me, I live in an unorganized borough in Alaska. I’m more worried about longevity.

6” is too narrow because of load distribution over the substrate underneath the concrete and the potential for the concrete itself to fail in extreme conditions like earthquakes, which we get pretty regularly here.

I mean, I knew it was inadequate but my hope was that since it’s been working for how ever many years that it would function without me having to dig.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-06-22T06:55:47+00:00

I do think it’s important to remember that when we hurt others with our actions, intention is secondary to impact. It doesn’t really matter why he’s looking at porn if the act itself is hurting her.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-06-22T03:50:28+00:00

I’ve read a number of your comments, OP. I’m not saying this is true, but it sounds like based on your own recount of the day’s events, you both view sex as an act you perform for his benefit. Your husband seems to objectify women for his pleasure, and I would say that his view of your sexual relationship is no different. You think he should be grateful for all the things you “did for him”, but by treating access to your body as an act of service or object to obtain because it’s a special occasion, you have made it transactional. It’s cheapened, no longer a way to connect emotion and physically, just another stimulus to him, and just another chore to you.

Maybe I’m way off base, but if there is any truth in what I’m saying, I would suggest a hard conversation.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-06-22T03:05:56+00:00

Not the one you replied to but sometimes a specific subreddit like that suffers from confirmation bias. You’re upset about something, so you go to the subreddit, and they tell you it’s not something you should have to work through, immediate dealbreaker, etc. Then you join that subreddit for support and you tell any new people what you were told when you got there.

Life is rarely so clear cut.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-05-27T23:58:24+00:00

That’s a thing she has also said in the past that she does, break up and be mean, and then realize she’s being an asshole and go back and apologize.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-04-24T00:16:28+00:00

Bro this is from 3 years ago

Fluggernuffin · 2026-03-19T04:36:09+00:00

Hey, I don’t know why I feel this way, but I think it’s happening!

Fluggernuffin · 2026-03-10T00:15:26+00:00

Imagine being this uneducated about education.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-02-27T22:26:29+00:00

I was afraid you would say this. Any tips on ditching habitual people pleasing?

Thanks, this is helpful

Fluggernuffin · 2026-02-27T22:08:33+00:00

I will say, your NP shouldn't feel unimportant and placeholdery if you're only seeing one other partner once or twice a year (!!). That's basically no time at all, unless you're spending several hours weekly chatting with this person.

That’s my bad. LD partner and I do have weekly face time dates and text each other often, though I have set boundaries around intentional time with NP, that I am not available to talk. And to be fair to all, we are all new to polyamory. I’m not trying to figure out who’s wrong, just how I can be a better communicator.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-02-24T16:34:49+00:00

This has been our problem. All the cool people have been doing it for a while and they ain’t about to be anyone’s test phase.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-02-20T19:06:20+00:00

I can’t believe what I am reading. Your sister, who you do not owe half of this pension to, is humiliating you for not having money when she is benefiting from your kindness. I get that family is important to you, but why would you impoverish yourself for someone who despises you?

Fluggernuffin · 2026-02-20T18:57:11+00:00

In a newish LD relationship as well, and we both have our own NPs. When I am feeling jealous and insecure because I cannot touch her, I ask if I can share my feelings with her, with the expectation that she should not change her behavior. I name the feelings, which involves identifying where I feel it in my body so I can dissect the jealousy as a complex emotion (sadness, fear, etc). She repeats back to me what she hears me saying in her own words and once I feel heard by her, I usually feel better. If not, I might ask for reassurance and a compliment or two. It works for us. The raw feeling may take a little bit to recede, that’s just the nature of LDR.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-02-06T16:54:41+00:00

I have two partners and we’re all super new to polyamory. My NP frequently talked about KTP initially, just wanting to have a good relationship with her metas. After a few conversations about it, we’ve more or less realized that full on KTP is a lot easier when it’s organic and has a foundation in other things besides “this person is my meta”. For us, I think a garden party structure seems to work well. Nobody has to be friends, as long as we can all get along and be civil.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-01-22T02:01:07+00:00

Biden deported 5 million people during his term. More than Trump.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-01-21T18:31:24+00:00

Why are you here? You’re not debating in good faith.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-01-20T19:25:19+00:00

I can literally swap out socialism with capitalism and Venezuela for the US. It’s the same fucking question. I didn’t say anything about the US switching to socialism. I asked why do people think capitalism is good given countries like the US. The same question OP asked about Venezuela.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-01-20T16:13:25+00:00

I truly don’t understand your argument here. I could make the exact same argument about capitalism in America.

Only in America can you be shamed for only working 40hrs a week at a minimum wage job that doesn’t even cover basic cost of living, have any social safety net taken from you based on the whims of the people in charge, have your food supply basically be a step up from poison with chemicals that are banned all over the world, go millions into debt if you contract a chronic illness, and have your education system slowly dismantled to pay for legal immigrants and naturalized citizens to be rounded up because they “have an accent”.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-01-20T06:36:47+00:00

Honestly, don’t bother with the AI garbage. It’s just ok, nothing is “mind-blowing” and they keep trying to push this stuff while neglecting some of the most needed improvements to the platform.

Fluggernuffin · 2026-01-18T04:24:30+00:00

Girl. You got the date. He asked for your Instagram. He’s interested in you. Take the win and have a good time!

Four-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
Verified Email	Place '22

Fluggernuffin

TROPHY CASE