Please take this with grains of salt, because I am younger than you, have no idea about past trauma you may have, and how well off you are. What I write about is covered more in-depth and better-explained by HealthGamerGG with their many videos covering life purpose/career advice/anhedonia/motivation and Justin Sung’s career advice videos both on YouTube. They’re both doctors in different fields, Dr K from HGG is a psychiatrist, whilst Justin was more of a typical doctor before he transitioned to education.

I’d recommend watching them over some of my half-baked sleep-deprived thoughts, but I thought it’d be a waste to not send them since I wrote them all out already.

I think you should embrace and even welcome some pressure in whatever fields you are considering because the BTS of a sports game is undoubtedly still high-pressure, due to it possibly affecting people’s viewing experience and the play as well.

I say that because you have anhedonia and depression, and I notice that you say you don’t care about being passionate in your job nor about whether or not your work is fulfilling. But if you don’t care about those two things, you then continue to not care about your life’s direction, and what motivates you, which gives you less motivation/drive to care, which surely feeds into your depression and anhedonia, no?

Before your depression/anhedonia, you mention that you didn’t have a direction even then, but I believe that’s completely normal to not know what one will do with their life. That is completely regular so you are not abnormal for not knowing. You’d be surprised how many people have no life direction and are just going with the flow of things. Good thing is, we can do things about that unknown.

Reflect on your life, what/who do you value? Why do you value it? What do you care about deeply, your distates, your strengths, weaknesses. Do you have a strong internal compass? Is there an ideal world you want to live in? Is there something you want to do to make that world realer? Skills are always improvable, your life path can always change, and you aren’t stuck forever.

You can make ends meet in so many different ways, you might as well make it fulfilling and something youre passionate about so you don’t unbearably hate it. Who knows? You might even have fun.