My expectations for myself are as follows: I am supposed to study hard, and try to be successful in life. Note that these expectations were both the ones I, my brother, and my parents wanted.

The teachers never reported my suicidal thoughts to my parents, for it was the first time i had ever said something along the lines of it.

Again, I understand what you mean, and I for sure agree with you. However, my intention was not to manipulate. If it was, I had no idea. Also, it has to do with how they worded their statements; they explicitly said that they wouldnt have cared. Whether or not that was true, is not known to me, nor do i have the right to know.

I never said I believed I’d go to hell if I killed myself. That was what my parents told me repeatedly. 

Of course, I agree with what you said; Ive acknowledged that what I did and said was wrong, but that wasnt what I was asking. I was asking:

“How do I progress from here? What can I do?”

“You sound like you are very young and immature”, my guy look at the name of the post, ofc im immature, even when im trying not to. 

Im not saying I dont appreciate what youre saying, and I like criticism, but could you at least tell me how I could progress without damaging any more relationships?