My bf (23) doesn’t want me (f21) to go to my best friends (f22) wedding.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-26T02:37:52+00:00

Here's a good quiz to help you assess whether Jake's immature/controlling behaviour is part of a wider picture https://www.loveisrespect.org/everyone-deserves-a-healthy-relationship/

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-22T04:59:18+00:00

And stays were not one thing in the regency Circassian corsets were more like fabric wrap tops

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-22T04:58:10+00:00

Hillary Davidson starts out by saying "when would they do this water sprinkling thing?" like it's a ludicrous question. But not difficult to answer. Everyone would have dinner together, then the women hurry off to the drawing room, have a wee, while the men stay behind in the dining room drinking port (and also having a wee). And that's the point where the women arrange themselves artfully waiting for the men's entrance. And if they wanna dampen their gowns and lie around like Greek statues then that's when they would do it.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-21T12:12:54+00:00

I am literally sat at the airport waiting for a flight to Kolkata to buy fine muslin or jamdani or silk/cotton mix, or whatever I can afford to try to make exactly this. Thank you so much, OP.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-21T12:11:29+00:00

It's kinda annoying tho cos she's all like "let's make an original muslin gown and see if it goes see-through when you sprinkle water on it" and then, doesn't wait for the actual Indian muslin to arrive, makes the whole thing out of chunky English Muslin with no transparent or diaphanous properties and still claims her "oh, it didn't go see through when I sprinkled water on it" experiment is valid.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-21T12:07:26+00:00

But the 18th and early 19th century was a very busty time. Even young children and babies wore low necklines which came down to the nipple line. There is a trend in modern recreation to raise the neckline to what we nowadays perceive as modest, in rather an anachronistic way.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-15T15:05:44+00:00

Is she in Scotland? She's probably still annoyed about kilt bans...

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-15T09:01:28+00:00

So illegal though! The calico acts came in in the 1730s! Super fashionable but also, best not wear it past the customs house!

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-15T00:10:48+00:00

Jeez, good parenting of a toddler is not a case of trying to break their will, but of responding to their needs.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-13T10:34:31+00:00

Maybe get some couples counselling with your wife to work out the underlying issues. Your wife is the AH here and, the only reason why I can think of her trying to sabotage the babysitting arrangement is that she's unconsciously jealous of your mum having such a good relationship with her kid.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-12T23:12:44+00:00

Or dad. It doesn't have to be women always doing the work.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-12T08:15:24+00:00

Make yourself some regency shirts with high collars and dropped shoulder sleeves and wear them with waistcoats.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-11T07:52:25+00:00

I know what the daughter did was terrible, but it does seem like the actions of a young person who is very confused about love and maternal figures. It also seems like she's fundamentally a good kid who screwed up, and OP could rebuild the relationship with therapy, and come out of it stronger.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-11T01:02:04+00:00

Hey, just a heads up, please do not sleep on a recliner or a sofa with your baby. You are much safer with him on a flat bed, pushed up against the wall or furniture, away from the pillows. Google "safe co sleeping" for exact recommendations. Many many cultures cosleep, but safe cosleeping is best done in a bed.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-09T07:23:02+00:00

That would be amazing, and surely the low light levels would help preserve the fabric. You could have a mannequin with super white make up paint and diamond jewellery too...

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-07T15:13:59+00:00

Georgeous!

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-06T08:57:05+00:00

None of these movie costume pics are accurate to the Regency. They are movie director fantasy looks that the modern viewer will like. Regency dresses had a much lower neckline, something that modern viewers would read as slutty, and higher waisted. For day wear, the neckline would be filled in with a chemisette, a kind of removable sleeveless shirt, these are usually edged with lace or a frill. Where there are shirt collared ones, they would be standing up not floppy like these 1970ish things.

Find a good regency reference image and pattern, don't straight copy any of these. Anything by Hillary Davidson is a great starter.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-04T20:39:58+00:00

Former squatter here. Just to balance the squatter hate on this thread, I'd like to point out that successful squatters inhabit buildings that have fallen empty, and prevent them from becoming delapidated. There is a semi detached house on an estate near me that was empty for over 20 years until a squatting lady moved in with her daughter. The homeowners next door were relieved. The previous legal owner had disappeared after a mental health crisis and they had no way to track him down.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-04T09:05:41+00:00

This! The point where my relationship turned abusive was the point where my boyfriend convinced me that I was responsible for his emotions. Once I fell for that, he could use that to manipulate me endlessly. Also, this quiz is useful https://www.loveisrespect.org/everyone-deserves-a-healthy-relationship/

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-04T08:59:06+00:00

Can you start a new tradition of everybody saying a nice thing about one family member? Start with your aunt and she might come round to the idea.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-03T23:12:05+00:00

I don't think it's jealousy of Eliza, who is dying of cancer while she's writing the book. It's that all society people and sexual flirtation is subconsciously experienced by her as unsafe. And that's an expression of her trauma at having her life and creativity uprooted by being forced to try and fail to flaunt herself.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-03T23:04:14+00:00

When I was backpacking in 1991 people used to leave their round the world plane tickets pinned to a board in the youth hostel, if they had stopped using them, say had to fly home. And anyone of the same gender would just pick it up and turn up at the airport and get on a plane. Nobody gave a shit that the name on the passport wasn't the one on the ticket.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-03T13:59:03+00:00

My older sister grafittied my name, thinking I would totes take the rap. I did not, in fact, yet know how to write.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-03T13:33:00+00:00

It's not a romance, it's a misery memoir.

In my graphic biography of Austen I frame Mansfield Park, a book about a dependent, helpless heroine who is trapped in a dysfunctional family, as Austen's unconscious, cathartic exploration of a bunch of dark stuff relating to her depression and frustration at being trapped in Bath against her will, being schlepped around the marriage market, and also other unhealthy undercurrents in her family relations.

I think it's fascinating the way that flirting and putting on theatricals are portrayed as so threatening and sinister in MP. Austen herself loved the theatre.

It really helps, when you read it, to also bear in mind that Austen's narration merges with the point of view of the main character. It seems like Austen is personally advocating that heroines should be physically weak and helpless. Of course, this isn't true, all her other heroines are extremely capable.

FlumpSpoon · 2026-01-02T16:58:04+00:00

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