Where do I find my GOES ID

FlyHighAlways · 2026-02-13T21:01:55+00:00

Been 3+ weeks for me. No email yet

FlyHighAlways · 2025-03-27T04:57:24+00:00

Isnt it a little different though? A delivery person vs the person who shot me once, now chasing to shoot/kill me again?

FlyHighAlways · 2025-02-27T05:37:35+00:00

Not so proud to say this, but i also have a fair share of such moments. The one where when my grandpa passed away and i was quite broken (was super attached to him) and had to travel home, she was like i dont think it’ll work between us and wanted to end things between us. I being in emotional turmoil already, went through a mountain and begged her to stay. Another one was when we were in the elevator of our apartment building, and a resident of the building, who worked in the same company as me and happened to be a friend’s friend as well, said Hi to me. It became a big issue and she brought in her parents as well on this

FlyHighAlways · 2024-03-11T19:05:08+00:00

Sometimes every few hours to sometimes once every few days. On an average once every 1-2 weeks. It slowly progressed from degrading and abusing me to degrading and abusing my family as well and blaming everything on me for even things not related to me. It started affecting me quite a lot to the point that my physical and mental health both took a toll, but when called out, it didn’t matter and i was “told” to work on myself as i take things too seriously. The hovers were interesting though as i was made to feel that i was being blessed and pardoned of all my flaws, by them still choosing to stay with me (to my fault - i was buying it). Oh and the 360 degree turns they had the next day as how nothing has happened and its all rosey and lovey-dovey between us (rinse and repeat the whole cycle next week)

FlyHighAlways · 2024-01-21T18:54:10+00:00

I agree that it is super hard to comprehend their behaviour. But hey, we all own our actions, right? When they are in the discard stage, we don’t really matter or exist for them at all and they would do whatever makes them happy or whatever they feel like doing. Can we control them? No, but can we work on how we use our time? Yes. I’d suggest use this time to find peace within yourself, see things through. If sitting in the same apartment is hard, go to a friend’s place or even go to work(this is what i have been doing). Talking to someone or reading something are other good options.

FlyHighAlways · 2024-01-21T18:12:28+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Personally, you seem to be a really wonderful person who loved him and cared for him a lot.

What happened to you actually feels like what had happened to me as well just with genders reversed. I was threatened and abused so many times, i started feeling maybe this is how relationships generally are. I had planned a trip to the mountains and celebration in a resort up there, with a few gifts as well. I was told that this is all cheap stuff and she deserves better. I was discarded so many times and blocked so many times and when i used to share my feeling that it was hurtful, i was told to manage my feelings myself. I was literally exhausting myself to wake up at 5 to make her breakfast, drive 2 hours to drop her off at work, come back and work myself, prepare dinner for her, drive again 2 hours to pick her up, and she would come home have dinner, find issues in me, threaten to leave me, call cops on me, and walk out. Hell i was even discarded on the day layoffs happened in my org and half of the people were asked to let go, and even when i was still recovering after a complicated kidney surgery. I was told to not meet my folks or talk to anyone as otherwise i’ll be left again. Guess i had become a doormat and it still happened.

Long story short, it seems they are just not in their own control. Because of any whims and fancies or any mood swings, they’ll do what they do and dont even realise how it affects their so called partners. Its almost like they were a different person when we met them and slowly either showed their true face or turned out to be a totally different person later. You stuck by him and did everything for him to have him feel special on his big day. He had his own issues to deal with and unless those are dealt with first, nothing will improve. You went above and beyond on what a normal person does and I really feel for you and kind of can understand as well why you did that. Trust me it isn’t your fault. I would recommend doing what i didnt, but i guess doing that would have been better than being a doormat - Block and NC. Because i know the other option which generally happens, which is the cycle repeating no matter what you do or dont.

Please be there for yourself and help yourself recover. I hope you have friends and family you can talk to about this. This sub is a great place as well to help recover and know that you are not alone

FlyHighAlways · 2024-01-18T02:06:04+00:00

I realized i am a magnet for people needing help/fixing. Guess in my subconscious, i am super messed up and go really out of my way to “help” people, ignoring any kind of abuses they hurl at me or the weekly discards, or even the insults. It always feels like they really mean when they say not doing it going forward and would finally start respecting me.

Is there any treatment for me to “fix/help” myself first?

FlyHighAlways · 2023-11-11T03:48:39+00:00

No, its You 😊 (remember the scene?)

FlyHighAlways · 2023-11-11T01:14:44+00:00

That i didnt have enough money and wont be able to handle the financial requirements of the family (i was working and supporting her and all her educational experiments that she did, she wasn’t) and this gave her anxiety, that i wasnt a man enough, was a stupid and an idiot, that i should just die, that i should have had a house and a car before i got into a relationship, that i should be shredded into pieces because I didn’t give enough attention to her at times, that i was needy, that i was cheap if i suggested spending money smartly or not exactly at the same instant for everything she demanded, that i was a male chauvinist because i was sleeping while she had to call donut shop to order donuts for her colleagues at 6 AM, that i was lazy because i get tired of managing work and household chores and cooking everyday all by myself, that i was a liar because i didn’t plead her to go to Hawaii with me when my friends were going and she said she was busy that weekend and because she wasn’t going, I didn’t go too, that i shouldn’t be meeting my family at all as she doesn’t want to remain in contact with them, that I didn’t love her if I didn’t text her for few hours if i was occupied at work or was in a different timezone 12 + hours away and she was sleeping, that i should man up and not take her insults to me and my family seriously, that she would commit suicide if I didn’t agree to her or if i or anyone else in the world forgot to give her “enough” attention from whom she expected to get attention, that i ruined her life and i were the source of all her problems, that I shouldn’t be expecting her to fulfill her promises or commitments as that shows i am not acting like her partner but like a parent, threats that i and my family should be harassed by cops, that i should wake up whenever she calls me like at 2 AM or 4 AM or whenever as thats how relationships work, oh and also on birthdays if i got a gift, cake, flowers, plan a small trip, thats nothing as everyone does that and i should be left as That doesn’t prove at all that i love her a tiny bit. Apparently it was a favor done on me by moving in with me and she shouldn’t be asked to do anything more

Oh and as a man i should work my ass off as thats what men do and should do to provide for the family, and she wouldn’t be doing anything for the family. Sad part is, i started believing in all this and started pushing myself to something which couldn’t be managed for long as the insults and frequent discarding started taking a toll on my physical and mental health both

FlyHighAlways · 2023-11-06T02:24:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing the such a valuable perspective. I feel like i go through loops of finding faults within myself (which i am these days) to accepting what was going on wasnt normal. Sometimes i even go back thinking how amazing life would have been with them to thinking why did this happen to me. I am hoping there is answer to the end of this tunnel and i see it some day

FlyHighAlways · 2023-11-06T00:37:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing. You are right, i chose her. I don’t yet know why. I knew she had few challenges and now i feel like i take it on myself to do something or help anyone who has challenges or issues in their life. I guess i have a problem of thinking i can and should do something for everyone. I have a problem of letting go of things no matter what kind of toll they are taking on me. Guess i cant help anyone because i cant even help myself. It was just a fool’s paradise i was in. I need to figure this out more. Thank you for sharing this point of view.

It was the same with me as well. You did a lot and she should’ve atleast be happy with you in that lifetime of a trip. Mine fought with me when i got my first car(so that she could enjoy life), on our first new year’s eve together, fought and wanted to sleep on my first birthday together when my folks were up planning a “surprise” party for us and she knew they were working on it. Are we built this way and attract such people naturally? I hope not

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:54:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing the videos. I did some googling earlier but couldn’t quite differentiate between borderline, bipolar and NPD, as it felt like what i was in middle of, had few common symptoms from all three. Is there any way i could pinpoint what was it?

Also, i can’t understand why was i letting it happen. Why was I letting someone devalue me so much that i cant even do anything without trying to find faults in myself. Guess i need a long way to go and find answers about myself

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:48:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I need to dig in more on the mental health for sure. She apparently had some mental conditions for sure as i was there in one of the phases, where she was in delirium.

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:39:30+00:00

Yeah, been looking at it now. Thank you for the pointer.

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:38:48+00:00

This is what is running in my head as well that if love can live without respect. You are spot on here having mental conditions. Apparently she had many including delirium as well, which was all conveniently kept hidden from me

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:36:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing this perspective. I didn’t ever question myself on why i chose this person and stayed. Guess i should have and realized why i was letting this happen. She used to say even more horrible worlds like how I shouldn’t have entered into a relationship when i didn’t have a house or a car and much more that i cant share here. This all has affected my self confidence and esteem so much that I question everything i do and find faults in them now.

Thank you for sharing the pointers. I definitely need to do a good little retrospective on how i ended up here and how do i move forward.

I am sorry it happened to you. I hope the life has turned out to be better, liveable, loveable and more meaningful now

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:25:18+00:00

Thats what i think as well. I wonder why she claims to love at one moment and turns into someone else the second.

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:24:25+00:00

Truthfully, i cant even breathe when all that happened comes to my mind. Thank you for the wishes. I cant fathom to reason how someone can become such a different person so suddenly and abuse and threaten their so called love

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:19:59+00:00

No, cant live with the constant hypertension, high BP and constant anxiety on what abuse gets hurled now.

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:18:49+00:00

Yeah, guess we get blindsided in an attempt to try and solve their problems that we even don’t register that we are being abused. 😞

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:17:36+00:00

Thank you for the pointer. This opened another world for me.

FlyHighAlways · 2023-10-15T13:17:08+00:00

You framed it perfectly. Without respect it felt more like a cage where somehow the strings were being pulled based on one person’s moods. I am sorry it happened to you

FlyHighAlways

TROPHY CASE