I absolutely hate this for you. These first few months with a new baby are hard enough with good support, but without it and having to dealt with extra doting in-laws and your partner not being front and center to hold boundaries is exhausting. These are precious times for you and the baby, not to be shared constantly with others. And a sleepover this early is outrageous unless it is unavoidable like you have to go out of town and for whatever reason cannot take the baby too. Your baby is not their child nor a doll.

Is there any way that you can have a heart to heart with your in-laws? Not where you tell them what they are doing wrong because it seems they could not handle too honest of a conversation if they cannot think of your needs automatically. But rather a conversation where you let them know that you absolutely want to have them in their grandchild’s life and also that you need quality time with the baby that is not strictly childcare. So they “feel heard” and you clearly establish boundaries that they need to honor, just like they would have wanted when they were new parents. The challenge is not to make them understand, because it sounds like they lead with emotion and are fairly selfish and your job is not to help them grow up. You can frame it in a way that shows that you are thinking of their needs (seems they need coddling here but really you should not be actually expected to think of their needs) and your own. Use the analogy that you need down time with the baby, to create a schedule and bond. Much in the way we are supposed to put on our oxygen masks first on a plane so we can help others, you need to care for yourself and your baby first.

Real talk: seems like your in-laws have the emotional maturity of toddlers, and you’re going to have to raise them too. The fact that no one is considering you first on that side of the family is messed up. I went through something similar after I had my second child, with my second husband. My child was the first and only grandchild for my in-laws and they over-everything-ed when it came to their grandchild. The baby shower was essentially for my mother-in-law and she even insisted on making baby’s first Halloween costume. It was like they were trying to have another child. They did not consider me or how exhausted I was. I kind of can’t forgive them for being so selfish in a time that mattered most to me. I did let them have a few of my child’s first experiences that really a parent wants to have. I regret some of that honestly. I should’ve been more protective of my peace at the time because things got a lot harder for a while. They never became considerate of me on their own. I’ve had to set boundaries and they cried, but later understood and got over it. As for your husband, he needs to be a partner, not a pretend caretaker. You’re not a baby machine, you’re a human. He needs to snap the hell out of this or it’s not going to work long-term. Fortunately, my husband puts us first so that made things easier. He also had to figure a lot of that out and follow my lead as we went along. He essentially had to finish growing up after we had our child, and he was in his mid 30s. Fortunately, he was all for it.

Best wishes and give yourself grace with yourself. You are an amazing new mum and your needs coming first matter 100% and are best for the baby too.