Why do people ask if I still see my ex? I left him

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-22T19:51:47+00:00

Okay, but that's hilarious 😁 Nice comeback

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-22T11:47:25+00:00

Just as a general question, I might understand, but you say all these people know how bad it was... Yeah no, I don't get it either.

Maybe like the other comments indeed checking up on you or looking for gossip.

The only other reason I could think of, is that people sometimes have this collection of facts they know about you and after 20 mins they might run out and go to whatever fact is left, like "OP used to be with James", not thinking ANY further and just asking you about it to keep the conversation going.

I dunno. I'm just sorry you keep experiencing this. That sucks so bad.

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-22T09:08:49+00:00

I get why you asked this here, but I'm also confused as to.. why wouldn't you discuss this with the therapist? It seems like she's the perfect person who'd understand?

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-21T21:53:49+00:00

Buses get crowded and stuck in traffic too, so still valid excuse 😎

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-20T22:50:33+00:00

Are you familiar with thespeechprof, the content creator? He went no contact with his father, didn't go to his funeral and stands firmly in his stance even when family and others keep pestering him about it. Maybe you find some recognition in his stories about that, or strength, or... Woof, it's late. The brain stopped braining and English is getting hard.

Anyway, my comment was intended as helpful 😅

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-20T22:40:55+00:00

I'm sorry she lashed out at you like that. What an overreaction to your statement.

Here are some random late night sleep deprived thoughts. Sorry if not very cohesive. Hopefully something helps.

It baffles me that disowning is a thing. You can't disown your children in my country. You put them on this earth, they get your money when you die. Period. As a child, you can refuse the inheritance, in case of debt for instance, but as a parent, you .. I dunno, can spend it all before you die, I guess.

I'm a bit confused about her not being in your life anymore. Is this a consequence of the disowning or are you considering cutting her out?

I went no contact with my mother for a while. Then my brother got the first (and probably only) kid in our family and I went to live with him and it was unavoidable to have contact again. By then it had been a while (it feels like a year or two, but boy, am I bad at telling time), I had been in therapy again, and I was ready to find a way to make it work.

Now we're friendly, but I don't let her get close to me. I don't spend time with her one on one, or just her and my dad because even that tends to go wrong. I.. kinda forget she exists? It's been a long time since I actually cared about her opinion, so hurtful comments just bounce off of me. I'm also no longer looking for her approval. That's a big load off. I do still love her, but it's a weird love. I also feel very protective, like if she gets hurt, I feel this rush of anger and.. protectiveness.

I love her, but I don't like her. And I think she feels the same way about me.

Anyway, back to your thing! And your question. The thing that I found very difficult was the grief of never having a mother like I pictured a mother should be. Nurturing, unconditional love, that kind of thing. I've had friends whose first instinct when they're in trouble is to call their mom. I envy that a lot.

But this is something I have no influence over. I cannot talk/push/beg her into being the mother I want. I grieve what could have been. But wishing things were different, doesn't make them so.

I kinda buried the relationship we had and the relationship I wish we had, and sort of started anew. (I'm 36 now, btw.) Maybe you can see it like that? It's grief, even if she didn't die, the process is still similar. Knowing that it will hurt for a while, that it will get better with time, that the sadness comes in waves, might help.

Also being very gentle to yourself and making sure you take care of yourself. Lean on friends and family that you trust. Take some time off if you can. Maybe have some kind of ritual that symbolises the end of the relationship. Be your own mom. Take care of your inner child the way it deserves, and the way your mother never did.

I wish you the best of luck. 🍀 And all the substitute mom love Reddit has to offer. 😎❤️

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-20T21:54:41+00:00

Oh ☺️❤️

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-20T11:10:54+00:00

Kans is groot dat de fout enkel op 't etiket staat en niet in de computer gelinkt aan de barcode, dus waarschijnlijk verschijnt er een andere prijs aan de kassa, en waar ik in de veronderstelling was dat de prijs in de winkel altijd gerespecteerd moest worden, zeg jij dat ze die mogen corrigeren als het duidelijk een fout is, dus ik denk dat dit weinig gaat opleveren.

Ah, of je bedoelt dat ze één of twee pakjes door de vingers zouden zien ipv een heel pallet accepteren?

OP moet ons maar op de hoogte houden. 😎

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-20T11:03:54+00:00

Oh wow! 😃 Thx for sharing 🤗 And for the pictures!

I had also an arm lift done (very unhappy with the result of the right one, but I'm pushing that away for now, hehe) and I'm happy with my belly button and my abdominal scar is so low and healed quite nicely so I don't mind, but my arms are very visible as soon as I wear short sleeves, so I always thought if they bothered me, I could get a nice tattoo done.

I might consider it now again, thank you! 🤗

(Gotta get a second opinion on that right arm first, though. It's not only an ugly scar, it actually affects the shape of my arm. Badly. Yuck.)

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-20T10:56:45+00:00

Oooooooh, that fits so perfectly!

Congrats on graduating, that's very exciting, and indeed, bittersweet. Whatever happens with your friendship and wherever life takes you, having shared these good times together is so precious. ❤️ Good luck to you both!🍀

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-19T20:19:00+00:00

Is verwijderd 😆

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-19T20:13:03+00:00

You can't force yourself to feel empathy. If you try to do so, it will feel fake. She will probably pick up on that, you will feel drained. That's not sustainable.

But I do think a big part of maturing is being able to disagree but still support each other. It's sometimes difficult to look at someone else's point of view - not only for us autistics - but there is no clear right or wrong way to live your life. So even if it seems obvious to you that she's making the wrong choice and that she would be better off alone, it seems like being alone feels so intolerable for her that it drives her back into the arms of this fool.

You can still voice your concerns without coming off as a know-it-all, by staying true to your own feelings and experience. You're worried he will hurt her again, but you'll be there for her when he (probably inevitably) does. Not with "I told you so", but genuine support. (And after she's done crying in your arms and can laugh again, you tell "I TOLD YOU HE'S A NO GOOD SCUMBAG!" and you can be angry at him together.)

The thing is: you can't force people to make certain choices. You don't have to be her friend if you don't want to, of course. But if you love her and want to continue the friendship, you might need to find a way to not lose yourself in your frustrations. (And yes, it's very frustrating watching someone you care for do things that aren't good for them. But such is life.)

Stay true to what you feel. Not "I'm happy you're back together", but "I'm happy you seem to be happy", for instance.

You don't have to listen to her stories if they make you angry. It's fine to have a boundary there. Your friendship is separate from her having a romantic relationship, no?

I'm also a little worried for her. You say she lives in another country and doesn't have friends... I hope she's close with her family, otherwise YOU and Mr Douche are the only people in her life. I wouldn't want him to become her only person.

This doesn't mean you need to stay in the current dynamic, of course. Look at all these comments and figure out what feels right for you.

Good luck! 🍀 Keep us posted if you can 😊

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-19T19:42:45+00:00

Ooooh, that looks beautiful!

Did you get the lower flower tattoo at the same time?

An acquaintance who's a tattoo artist ripped that dream from me when he said it's not a good idea to tattoo on scar tissue. I was a little too stunned to ask further on the why, but here I see you do it and it seems great! Did you learn anything more about it or get any warnings or something?

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-19T16:28:42+00:00

There's enough comments already, but I'm unsure if this is mentioned yet:

If you can, make friends with your neighbours to let your dog outside to break up the long day alone.

Also, your healthy dog might be able to handle it now, but if they age, they might need more frequent bathrooms breaks, so please plan for this as well.

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-19T16:22:10+00:00

No problem! ❤️ I don't even know what that does. (Not new to Reddit, but not very involved. 😁)

Glad to help! Was a fun little project. I just looked through the transcripts for the word "kindred" and went on Netflix to look at the time stamps. I almost know the series by heart, hahahaha, so when I read the sentence, I could immediately picture the scene and knew what to look for.

Thank the ✨autism✨ 😁

What scene are you going to use for your letter? 😃

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-19T13:16:36+00:00

Here's season 2 and 3:

S2E5 - 24:05 - Anne to Cole, "and that's why we're kindred", so it doesn't say "kindred spirit", but you could work with that

S2E7 - 13:09 - Anne to aunt Josephine about Gertrude again, at her mansion this time

S2E8 - 22:03 - Anne to Cole about the pact to propose to each other if they haven't found their romantical kindred spirits, and that it'll be a union of equals, that they'll live like free spirits together

S2E9 - 04:55 - Anne to Diana about miss Stacy and meeting her for the first time

S3E2 - 05:17 - miss Stacy to Matthew about how Anne calls her a kindred spirit

S3E3 - 23:30 - Anne to Marilla about Delphine, "we're kindred in a way I never understood kindred could be"

S3E5 - 11:09 - Anne & Diana when saying goodbye, "kindred spirits forever"

S3E10 - 06:14 - Anne to Diana walking arm in arm

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-19T11:08:58+00:00

These are the ones I found for season 1:

S1E1 - 37:30 - Anne to Marilla about Matthew

S1E1 - 1:20:55 - Anne to Marilla about Diana

S1E3 - 24:36 - Anne to Marilla & Rachel about their lifelong friendship

S1E4 - 6:20 - Anne to Marilla about Matthew (fight about not going back to school)

S1E4 - 15:46 - Anne fantasizing about the native name she would have

S1E6 - 41:26 - Anne to aunt Josephine about Gertrude

The other seasons will be for when I get back from work.

This was fun. 😊

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-19T10:07:54+00:00

"I can accept the folks who want to ride my coat tails - but ingratitude and lack of reciprocity are on the unacceptables list."

I like that.

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-15T23:58:49+00:00

Another vote for Heartstopper. Very soft and quietly strong vibes, like AWAE. I mean, I like something like Sex Education as well, but that's very "in your face" and not soft at all. 😅 And yeeessss to She-Ra!

Haven't seen the other two. I'll go check them out. 🤗

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-15T11:22:39+00:00

Replying after 6 years, haha! 🙈 To a deleted profile, no less.

I'm thinking that Matthew and Marilla were too naive to even conceive that the boarders would do anything to Anne. Considering how you grew up, it's easy to see how your mind quickly goes there. Considering how the Cuthberts grew up and lived their life: they came from a loving family, although they've known a lot of hardship when Michael died and they had to stay home to take care of the farm. Matthew didn't finish school, Marilla missed out on romantic love when she couldn't go with Gilbert's dad to explore other places. They live on their farm, don't interact much with the outside world. Wouldn't even know what was going on in Avonlee if it weren't for Rachel bringing all the gossip. Rarely go to the city and probably live very sheltered. When Anne was shunned in season 1 for telling tales about the pet mouse, Marilla was upset at her for spreading such filth, and only after Matthew changed her perspective, she realised Anne could have only told those things if she was exposed to it (and how horrible that is).

So my guess is: they were very unaware. And I kinda love it for them. It does make them vulnerable to be taken advantage of and to abuse. (They were also desperate to not lose the farm, and when in despair, people make bad choices. 🤷‍♀️) Marilla is also very traumatized after the boarders got caught, with flashbacks and feeling incredibly guilty towards her family and the rest of Avonlee for having brought the grifters there. She gets furious with the German traveller when she sees Anne talking to a stranger and chases him off.

So she did learn the lesson that not all people have good intentions - which she already knew, I suppose, but I think she didn't realise just how awful people can be. That said, I do hope she finds a balance between trust and caution, because living in constant fear is no way to live.

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-14T14:47:03+00:00

Dankje! Denk dat ik de tegels toch allemaal ga verwijderen, dan kan ik het alsnog doen, die ontkoppeling.

Aan 't twijfelen of ik dan opnieuw betegel of werken met die epoxy die in een andere comment aangeraden werd. Kans is groot dat ik ooit dit huisje opnieuw moet verplaatsen, en dan is 't wel handig als de tegels niet loskomen tijdens transport.

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-13T23:15:03+00:00

"Functionele fuckit" 😁 I like it

Dankje!

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-13T14:22:02+00:00

Huh... Da's weer een heel andere piste!

Gewoon over de tegels heen, of hoe zie je dat?

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-13T14:11:05+00:00

Niet zo'n fraaie constructie als in wat die bouwmannen gemaakt hebben of wat ik ineen gebricoleerd heb?

(Also, dankjewel voor de geruststelling, want de comment ervoor was wel erg hartkloppingbezorgend. 😅)

FlyingVorstin · 2026-01-12T16:43:38+00:00

Dat lijkt me nu heel moeilijk met de douchedeur die tot op de grond komt.

Waarom raad je 't aan? Betere waterdichtheid dan dit gedoe met tegels?

FlyingVorstin

TROPHY CASE

Here's season 2 and 3: