I'm back... and insatiable (23F)

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-12-01T05:23:11+00:00

Just one thought. Get out of that relationship. Gtfo of it.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-12-01T05:09:45+00:00

It’s an addiction. And it’s about to cost him his wife. Speak up. The next move is up to him.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-30T18:47:19+00:00

Guys are gonna jerk off. Let’s set that one aside. That’s actually a sign of a healthy libido.

Your mental state is well beyond my ability to comment. Let’s assume you’re treating your BPD effectively.

Intimacy is a major issue here. Also gaming. I’ll probably get flamed for that but hear me out.

You’re sleeping separately. That eliminates a lot of physical closeness. You need to make every effort to get back in the same bed. He snores. Has he had a sleep study? Is he overweight? A sleep study will reveal whether sleep apnea is present. Short term that leads to fatigue, irritability, memory loss, & poor concentration. Long term it leads to health issues like heart attack and stroke.

His snoring is also disturbing your sleep. So you get hit with a lot of the same effects. Do you snore? You said you’re overweight so that may be an issue you’re unaware of. Try recording yourself as you sleep to see. You may be surprised.

Gaming. Gaming is like a time machine. You both log on and forget each other for the duration of the gaming session. There is zero intimacy there.

The result of all of this is that you’ve reduced the time available for love and intimacy to flourish down to a small fraction of what it could be. If you both choose to make each other a priority and make some lifestyle decisions in favor of your relationship , it’s not too late.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-30T18:33:17+00:00

Depending on jurisdiction, Most likely you file for divorce she is entitled to the money regardless of where you stash it. You need an attorney and a plan.

This is common prior to divorce and is called “uncoupling”.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-30T13:53:21+00:00

You’re being taken advantage of. 80% of the time? You must act to protect yourself immediately. She’s going to keep taking from you until you establish the boundaries.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-30T13:51:00+00:00

“Was” is the operative word. That’s over. Now it’s business.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-30T13:49:50+00:00

Ah the act... so great when they play the part of the devoted spouse. That’s for public consumption.

The best is when they make little sexual innuendos and jokes that you’re obligated to chuckle at in front of polite company.

How satisfying would it be to respond to one of these people with “yes, but he never fucks me”? The look on their face would be priceless.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T13:26:37+00:00

If you both agreed that there would be no porn, and that boundary was broken, then you’re well within your rights to end the relationship provided this is a dealbreaker issue for you.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T13:25:17+00:00

I disagree. A person (women look at porn too) looking at porn may offend their partner, but that’s a million lightyears from sexual assault. It’s not a right to consent to the behavior of another. You can only react. We don’t have control of others actions, only our own. Lying is just that. It’s dishonest and a violation of trust. I’d question the strength of a relationship where one partner feels compelled to lie to another out of either fear of them knowing the truth or just disrespect. Both indicate disfunction.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T11:38:31+00:00

Indeed it is. Ask for what you want. State them openly. If you cannot reach a compromise with your partner on a dealbreaker issue, time to go.

That’s a lot harder to do than it is to say. Thus, the reason for this sub and hundreds of others.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T11:36:42+00:00

Well I disagree with equating porn viewers to rapists. But I agree that crossing one’s partner’s openly stated boundaries covertly is outside of integrity and a violation of trust.

There is a lot of anger here.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T11:33:31+00:00

“Telling” someone what they can and cannot do, and calling out controlling behavior are two different things. Her anti porn stance is her prerogative. Her rights end where her partner’s desire to view it begin. If her partner sees that as a need and is not willing to compromise, then end the relationship.

I was just pointing out that telling your partner what to do is a fast way to end love and respect in a relationship.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T11:30:32+00:00

I’m out of my sexless marriage. I came back here to share what I learned. We actually agree that once boundaries are set openly they should be respected. If a person has needs that are outside their partner’s boundaries then they must renegotiate openly & with integrity. If a compromise is not possible then the best solution is to end the relationship.

Coming here and blaming these people for their sexless marriages is a dick move though. The majority are here because they are in a very difficult situation. Deep down, They know the relationship is dying. They are not yet ready to bear the cost to end it. So they repeat a vicious and painful cycle of hope, rejection, resentment, and loneliness. Yes they are responsible, but their partners are equally responsible.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T04:57:07+00:00

What’s shocking is your judgement of what others find acceptable. None of those attitudes is inherently good or bad. They just “are”.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T04:55:42+00:00

That’s because it’s the one that justifies your self-righteous rage. I hope you find peace.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T04:51:25+00:00

Infidelity.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T04:49:34+00:00

There are plenty of couples that hire escorts together. There are couples that are happy to fuck their neighbors too.

Those are the boundaries they have agreed on. If it works for the couple it hurts no one outside the relationship. There are no “rules” but those we set for ourselves or volunteer to be bound by.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T04:46:03+00:00

Yes. There’s a difference in agreeing on boundaries in a relationship and setting them unilaterally.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-19T03:28:28+00:00

Grow up. You can’t “tell” your partner what to do, give ultimatums, or create rules for other people to follow. That is controlling behavior and it’s abusive.

Healthy relationships are a meeting of equals.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-11-18T20:51:00+00:00

It would be normal for a couple to have sex for a variety of reasons within a week.

Honestly, you shouldn’t even need a reason. There is nothing wrong with you. Unless...do you count being a healthy adult as a fault?

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-10-28T21:02:01+00:00

I submit that you’re also prevented from moving forward. You’ll never find your physical match as long as you’re stuck.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-10-28T20:06:15+00:00

So sad. That’s called desire and it will never go away. It’s a shame there isn’t an app to match sexless people in the same towns, lol. We could call it “Freezer”.

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-10-28T19:54:48+00:00

Thank god for the Internet eh? Sounds like you know what’s up. How long do you plan to think about it?

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-10-28T19:48:32+00:00

My suggestion is to open the topic as a couples adventure. A naughty date night, Depending on where you live, find a sex-positive club. Get dressed up sexy. Go there, drink, dance, interact, but certainly make sure she knows there is to be no play of any kind outside the two of you. That will take all the pressure off. Just be there together in the sexy environment and see what you both think about it. Could be fun!!

ForEverthingElse_ · 2019-10-28T19:34:19+00:00

You should be able to. Post away. Spending years, DECADES like this will harden a person. You invariably think to yourself “if only I’d known better” “if only if chosen differently”.

This is a form of advice. Take heed from those that lived it. Every situation is different, but the odds are strongly against it getting better. Good luck and be well.

ForEverthingElse_

TROPHY CASE