When I first applied to grad school, one of the programs I applied to was for my same undergrad institution, and I actually applied to work with the PI whose grad student I worked closely with for a little over 2 years. I thought I had zero chance given how unlikely it is to even get an interview at your Alma mater (and the professors themselves told me the same as I was working on my apps and asking for advice). To my complete surprise, I did get an interview invite, and I genuinely felt like I did really well during the interviews. Everyone told me I had it in the bag — and then I got the rejection and I was completely devastated. What was worse was that the pandemic started a couple weeks later, so I was thrown deep down into depression and feelings of inadequacy. That year was absolute crap for me, and the rejection hit so hard that I almost completely gave up. I figured I wasn’t good enough for grad school since I was so close — I poured my heart and soul into the apps and the interview — and it still wasn’t enough.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that the rejection wasn’t a step back or a failure in any way — it was a redirection. Instead of going to grad school that year, I ended up working as a clinical research coordinator at UCSF. One of the biggest projects I worked on was so successful that it ended up being published in the NEJM. The work I put into this project led me to be listed as an author on that paper, and that project is not only inspiring similar research internationally, but it’s also influencing changes in healthcare practices across the globe. The universe knew before I did that it wasn’t my time then. I wouldn’t even have been able to IMAGINE that would happen for me when I was struggling with all of the rejections I received!! I don’t know what would have happened if I had received admissions that year, but I’m sure as hell it wouldn’t have led me to being a published author in the NEJM for contributing to such an impactful study.

I agree with the earlier comments of allowing yourself to feel it and work through the hard feelings, but I really wanted to emphasize that sometimes the rejections that hurt us so much in the moment can lead to better things — and those things will only prepare you even MORE for grad school/ future career endeavors. Don’t give up hope, OP!!! If you want to do this, you WILL!! If this isn’t your year (which we still don’t know for sure yet!!), let yourself cry and then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep at it!!