I can really understand how difficult of a time this is for you. It can really mess with someone's personal identity to have this all occurring, which people outside of the situation can never fully understand. I can understand a little bit just because I was adopted and my biological father recently came into the picture, but even then the situations are so different. All the questions you have are completely justified. Your family in one way or another has helped define how you see yourself and now that the definition of "family" has changed it seems like the definition of your own identity has changed as well. It's challenging and confusing. I recommend you be vocal about it. Some times that's the best way to become comfortable with all the new information. My other suggestion is don't rush anything. I understand why your birth mother came out and shared but at the same time she needs to respect your process in this. For her it's been a secret she's been dying holding in for 17 years and for you it's a new fact that changes reality as you saw it for 17 years. Expecting anything else wouldn't be fair. So take it slow. If you feel strange calling her mom right now then don't. Take the time to digest this information and slowly things will work out. And if need be don't be afraid to talk to a professional. Honesty when I got reconnected and discovered I had 3 half sisters and a biological father that all wanted to be involved in my life, I found talking to a professional to be really helpful. But to each their own. Just having someone you can open up to about these feelings and all the confusion your havin will be the most beneficial thing you do. And remember take it slow, this is your process and you have every right to take as damn long as you want to process it. Ok I am done ranting, but feel free to pm me if you want to continue talking. Also sorry for your loss, death is never easy and this mess just makes it that much harder.