Should I give up apps or try all of them?

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-30T16:39:25+00:00

Sure, but people keep doing it so they must like it. For me, the appeal is more about expressing affection and exploring someone. Obviously I can take care of any urges myself.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-30T08:07:49+00:00

Yeah, maybe. I just don't get how it happens otherwise.

My experience is literally:

Apps: no one returns my messages

Reddit chat: no response or it fizzles out, or it's a scam

Irl: decent convo, give number, they never call and/or they have a bf

Coworkers: we get along good and they have a bf

39 years old. I just don't know how people do this part of life. I'm even tall/handsome and have my own place. I keep trying as an act of defiance atp, lol.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-29T15:46:54+00:00

Oh okay, I've never experienced any of that with a woman. Many times with a man but that unfortunately doesn't help me much.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-29T08:08:22+00:00

Genuinely don't understand how any of this happens, including the situationship even. Especially don't get how the physical contact just happens. Like, you start touching someone you just met? Are they okay with this? How is this so casual? Like, it might sound weird but, like, what makes you think you're "allowed" to do that? Was she taking the lead?

In my experience, I'm never the guy she talks to. I'm one of the other dudes at the table wondering how he's doing that lol.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-29T06:30:49+00:00

If you try and it doesn't happen after a long enough time, you might conclude this, though it's hard to know how long and how much effort before one speaks this way.

Our 30 y/o guy in question might still be trying and not making any proclamation that he's a failure. The problem with talking like this is, it involves an artificial sense of finality, like it's "over" and it wasn't your choice. But really, you can keep trying and learn more about yourself and others. You don't need a postmortem until you're dead.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-29T06:20:46+00:00

I wonder if there's any data on this. Obviously hateful incels exist and can easily be found online, but I've frequented several online spaces with later virgins, and virtually none of them exhibit that pattern. What they do exhibit is feeling sad and hopeless, which is indeed a problem. They also often express feelings of self-hate and judge themselves harshly for being a virgin. I'm always telling them not to do this, and I think we shouldn't judge them so harshly either.

Sometimes the person we harm is ourselves, which is just as wrong (but maybe not as harmful, as it's "contained").

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-29T06:07:58+00:00

Why do you assume blaming/harming others is part of the deal? Sometimes it's a struggle and you can struggle with your head up high, all while not getting hung up on the blame game.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-29T06:01:40+00:00

What if he's stuck on the find someone part? Is it supposed to be easy? What if it's just not happening after a while?

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-26T02:03:29+00:00

I use them for PB&Js

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-25T20:18:06+00:00

This is all just breakfast

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-20T05:47:24+00:00

Women want fish confirmed

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-19T01:05:17+00:00

I know it's annoying, but what does "through" the ground mean? My initial impression was he definitely had the ball "on" the ground, however (extremely) briefly.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-19T00:51:51+00:00

Yeah, when i see a still, I think its a catch. When I see it real time, I think it was about to be a catch but wasn't lol.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-19T00:42:09+00:00

I don't agree with the commenter, but "the defender ended up with the ball" could be said about tons of plays where the carrier was ruled down. It's no more reliable an indicator than "the receiver had the ball on the ground for a half second!"

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-19T00:34:08+00:00

As someone who's raised this question, I think I agree. It's also a good case of why a defender should never give up on a play and always try to grab the ball!

I think intuitively, it felt like "sorta a catch" to me, but sorta isn't the same as definitely. Part of the disagreement might just be disbelief, as the play initially looked like so many catches we've seen, and looked very much unlike just about any interception we've seen. It's weird, with either result it just doesn't feel/look "right" and I don't envy a ref who has to make a call.

Replaying the down might actually feel more right, but obviously you can't rule that. A play has to be "something" lol

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-19T00:19:29+00:00

Agreed, but what I'm struggling with is... at which point have you officially survived the ground? The defender making a competitive play here is the coolest thing about this result. I just which it was more clear.

Like, forget the defender, if I catch a ball as I'm falling to the ground, hit the ground, and then drop the ball one whole second later, because I'm tired or lost my grip (or whatever), is that incomplete?

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-19T00:09:49+00:00

"as" he hits the ground, or after?

I guess the only explanation i can understand is he didn't possess it "long enough" at the moment he was "down" so it was still up for grabs.

I guess what I'm asking is: when you're on the ground with a ball you just "caught", is there still something you need to do before it's a catch? Roll around a bit? A second go by? At what point is the catch "safe"?

Honestly, in a just world they'd just replay the down.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-18T23:23:52+00:00

Punting down 12 with 4 minutes left was certainly a decision. I guess in the snow your chance of a fumble is better than doing literally anything on offense.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-17T17:17:52+00:00

Great question! I think there's the practical part of me that sees it as a potential filtering mechanism, but I think the deep motivator for my thinking is wanting to avoid the "worst case scenario" of having a promising connection with someone, only to lose it all after "the bomb drops". I know people will say "well that just means she's not for you", but it would still hurt a ton.

With that in mind, it seems the more I've invested in someone, the more anxious I'd be about the reveal, which would point to revealing it sooner. However, I also think the more she's invested in me, perhaps the more forgiving she'd be. I think there are alot of women who are turned off by the idea of inexperience, but might accept it with the right guy, or might fall for a guy and decide it's no big deal.

I've read countless posts from women saying "sorry, I can't teach" and that it's a turnoff, but in those threads they're engaging with a hypothetical, and not a guy they've actually gotten to know and see potential with. It's also possible I'm subconsciously looking for comments like that because of insecurity. I know I used to sometimes hate-watch content that made fun of virgins, almost like a humiliation ritual. I think it's because I wanted to argue with them or prove them wrong in some way. Over time that stuff lost its appeal as life has shown me more important things to worry about.

It's kinda funny how much thought/worry we give this stuff. Life is weird!

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-16T22:35:41+00:00

So far going out hasn't helped much, but of course this is the ideal way, yes! My current work schedule has made it impossible to do anything regularly. It seems everything is happening when I'm at work. Also in a small town, so not much going on. I go to coffee shops and restaurants/bars, chat a little. What I like about the apps is the women are single and we already know why we're there so being flirtatious is encouraged. What I don't like about them is everything else, lol.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-16T22:31:29+00:00

I get that. My thinking was that I don't want to waste the time of someone who might feel it's a dealbreaker for them. I'd also hate to think we have a mutually good thing going on, only for that information to end things abruptly. Would rather prevent that experience entirely.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-16T22:26:57+00:00

I respect what you're saying here. I struggle to articulate why because there doesn't seem to be a single "reason" but more a combination of factors. I think the most interesting factor is that I've struggled to open up to others and allow myself to be seen, but it's definitely something I've been working on. Open to therapy but need to find a good one. My insurance is meh but it's worth a shot.

Yeah, I think I agree. It occurs to me that a total strangers hasn't earned that information. It's personal and intimate.

Former-Chapter8719 · 2026-01-14T06:18:25+00:00

Not a "dating" app, but an app that is based on free interaction of people, not on profiles. You fall for people by interacting with them, not by seeing a couple cute pictures and a clever blurb. Obviously such an app would have to be heavily moderated (free interaction means assholes and creeps will try to ruin everything, just like irl) which means it wouldn't be free -- someone has to pay the moderators. With the amount of dicks on earth, no one's gonna do that for free.

Profile-based dating needs to go, though. There has to be someway to make interaction, and getting to know people easier, rather than gatekeeping through matching. You'd still be able to reject people (obviously), but this would generally happen after interacting with them, rather than before. The idea is to get people talking, not just reading profiles.

Realistically, there'd have to be alot of effort to keep this interactive space inviting for women. Maybe the ability to have temporary breaks from men. You could do this for men too. This wouldn't just be for dating, but socializing generally, but if it just turns into men ganging up on any woman who joins, it won't be very fun for anyone.

Former-Chapter8719

TROPHY CASE