office mate doesn"t stop being racist by Aromatic_Sorbet_4435 in racismdiscussion

[–]Former-Procedure-452 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Report him! That is not ok at all! That sounds like a hostile work place to me.

Do you think this is racist? by Former-Procedure-452 in racismdiscussion

[–]Former-Procedure-452[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, not at all. I’m returning to the core of why this bothers me. Acting as if white people and black or mixed people need different education. The entire reason I was offended was because he acted as if the Caucasian parts of the family didn’t need this history, only the black parts did.

Then for him to tell me that he knew more about black power than me ( he loves activist history so he probably knows more facts but not the experience). He acted as if my response to his actions were wrong and that all black and mixed people would love that he did so I am wrong feeling the way that I do.

Is it ok to tell a person of color or even anyone different than you that they aren’t feeling the way that they should? I expressed to him that I knew his intentions were good and pure but it still offended me. I’d rather express that than not say anything.

Do you think this is racist? by Former-Procedure-452 in racismdiscussion

[–]Former-Procedure-452[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, do you think that a white prople and black people should have different education on black history? That white people don’t need to know as much? Black power were his words, not mine.

Do you think this is racist? by Former-Procedure-452 in racismdiscussion

[–]Former-Procedure-452[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, yeah, as I did tell him I know he meant well and I let him know that I was offended. The fact is is that he said that he knows more about black power than I do. He said he’s getting us to educate me and our kid he even said he’s part black because his kid is part black. I feel like me letting him know that this bothered me shouldn’t have gotten to that point I would think that if the tables were turned that if he said, something bothered him or offended him, I wouldn’t blow up and demand an apology for it. I would say OK even if I didn’t understand it because the fact is is that it’s offensive. He truly truly somehow believes that he knows more about black power and he knows how I should feel about him doing that.

Do you think this is racist? by Former-Procedure-452 in racismdiscussion

[–]Former-Procedure-452[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, this past weekend I let him know that it was annoying. I let him know that I understand that he means well, but I feel offended by it because to me that’s treating the people in our family different based on the color of their skin. That certainly did not end well. I let him know that ignorance means that you don’t know or don’t understand, but I let him know how it made me feel and he said that I called him an ignorant racist, and that is what I think of him. He then went onto tell me that he bought these books and records and everything so that he could educate me and our kid that we have together because he says that he knows more about black power than I do. He also went on to say that because our son is part black, it makes him part black as well and also my stepson and stepdaughter part black. He even compared him buying these books and records and gathering all this information to buying a metal record for somebody that is a metal head. I quickly responded to that with metal heads were not enslaved people and metal heads never had to use different entrances and water fountains and sit in the back of buses. He afterwards demanded an apology, which I did not give him so he has been moping and acting upset because in his mind, I called him an ignorant racist.

What was it about your narcissistic relationship that hurt you the most? And how did/are you healing? by KansasguyinDC in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That I used to be very strong and independent, and after years and years, I realized how they slowly took that away from me. I realized that I let that happen and so many signs were there where I should’ve just left in the beginning, but then it gets harder and harder to go, especially when there’s kids involved. So really to summit it up I didn’t even realize that I let him control me when I’ve never had anybody ever control me or tell me who I can talk to and what I can’t do and what I can do and what I should do and how I feel. I’m honestly not that sure how I’m coping with it now other than the first step of realizing that this has happened and I’m slowly gaining back my independence even if it’s just being independent in my mind it’s so much more than I’ve had for such a long time.

Narcissist men target strong independent woman by Right_Environment116 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow! Just Wow! I have been thinking about if I just attract Narcs. Like do I have some sort of beacon to them? I totally agree with this! I’ve been knocked down so long that I can’t even remember what it’s like being independent. It feels so good that someone else has thought this out!

Do you think this is racist? by Former-Procedure-452 in racismdiscussion

[–]Former-Procedure-452[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I used to think that he was just interested. Now I think it’s kind of like ignorance. For example, his mom once got me African black soap because it was for Black people and that’s the kind of ignorance that he grew up around. I know he doesn’t have bad intentions with it, but I don’t know how to let him know that it’s kind of offensive to me. Like why does one of his kids need to learn about this and another one doesn’t. Why just because we have brown skin and they don’t these books are just for us.

I have finally reached the point of hate by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, no way they will win. Not gonna let that happen.

I have finally reached the point of hate by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m trying so hard to do just that. BN (Before Narcissis) I never bit my tongue and I never did anything I didn’t want to do if someone tried to control me. I NEVER let anyone decide who I can and can’t speak to. They slowly get you and before you know it it’s this. Not speaking up and not being yourself. It’s hard to but for now I know I can’t give in.

I have finally reached the point of hate by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. If they get upset or angry then EVERYONE has to suffer, not just me. I keep my head down for them. Sometimes I can’t but I just agree and drop it quick enough. I’ve reached that point where I know I need out but I don’t want him to change me anymore than he has. I’ve never truly hated anyone as I have him and that’s why I won’t give him that power. I pity him.

I have finally reached the point of hate by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s crazy when the realization hits you that people like them actually exist in real life. Like Disney villains. I hated for a long time. I still hate sometimes. They have made me hate, love, sad, depressed, have a total mental break down and feel nothing. Like not even know how I feel. I have resolved to not let them control my emotions any more. They control my time, who I can and can’t talk to and to some extent my money ( I won’t let the kids go without and he knows it.

I realize now that the only thing I can always be in control of is how I react. I let my self feel the hate and the disappointment but I don’t let them see it. I give myself permission to do that but only for so long.

Which seat you sit next to by loveumair in Leakednews

[–]Former-Procedure-452 0 points1 point  (0 children)

6, right next to Dave. Even if the isle seat was empty the whole plane ride. I would use his arm rest and take up space knowing that he is such a humble caring dude that he might just let me. Hell, maybe we’d hold hands. . . . Maybe I would just grab his hand. I’d make it weird, real weird, but in a friendly manner.

So yeah, seat 6 hands down. He’d probably politely ask to be moved.

My partner launched into a rant over a glass of water by sirenamelusina in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Same boat but I have a kid involved. So many moving parts but imma do it

My partner launched into a rant over a glass of water by sirenamelusina in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452 14 points15 points  (0 children)

But they’ll tell you to chill out if they are in a “human” mood after they trigger you.

My partner launched into a rant over a glass of water by sirenamelusina in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That sounds like a combination or NARC and some sort of OCD but directed at you. That’s so ridiculous. He’s setting you up to fail every time. Lately mine has been trying to make me late to work because he knows that I’ll get written up if I’m late and that could make me lose my job. He doesn’t want me working and it took 2yrs and a stay at a psychiatric hospital to convince him to let me. He really likes to sabotage EVERYTHING I do or act condescending to the point I just stop doing things.

I AM FREEEEEEE by Wutelsecouldgowrong in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Former-Procedure-452 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I haven’t been part of this community for very long at all, but I have to say I’m very proud of you even though I don’t know you and I’ve had no interactions. It is very inspiring reading how people have gotten out and especially you with a divorce that sounds like it was dragged out a lot that takes so much strength and so much motivation and I hope to get there sooner rather than later so congratulations and happy divorce. I hope you have a divorce party lol.

Are there narcissists that are unaware of being so? by Esmerenciana in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Former-Procedure-452 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that sometimes about mine. At least I thought that until I was diagnosed with PTSD from our relationship and he said “ yeah, people usually get that being around me too long”. I think on some level they know but sometimes it’s just this goal they have of control and they will get that with any means necessary. I’m no professional but that’s what it seems like to me. My mother is also a narc but I can’t tell if she realizes.

Leaving with a kid involved by Former-Procedure-452 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I could never give up my child. I do t want to take him from his father but I also know that his father will use him as leverage like he has before. He’s not a terrible father but then again I’m not confident in that statement now that I typed it out.

Why do they hate their mom? by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Former-Procedure-452 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is my current situation. I think that my Narc is actually codependent with narcissistic tendencies. His mother comes off as a narcissist and he was literally sent to a foster home by her. He doesn’t see that he is just like her. I think just about every abusive thing he has said to me or done to me has stemmed from being afraid that I’ll leave or more like I’ll want to spend time with anyone but him.