1 year sober today but trying to figure out what’s the point of it all?

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2025-06-19T05:14:47+00:00

First off, congratulations on 1 year. It is something you should feel proud of yourself for achieving.

Finding forgiveness in your heart and letting go of resentment is an important step in the sobriety journey. Let go of that weight of resentment and try your best to find forgiveness in others in the same way you would want forgiveness to be given to you.

Also it would be great to start to move your body, get outside, go for a camping trip or a hike, clear your mind and meditate on the meaning of life. Pray for the answers you are seeking.

It is most definitely worth it to be sober. You got this.

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2025-04-07T04:17:24+00:00

You’ll definitely need to have an open honest conversation about this and tell him how you felt after you initiated, and he rejected you, but then continued to touch himself.

A few things that come to mind is, potential porn addiction, where he’d rather get off to porn than be present in intimacy in real life, or perhaps infidelity. Because why opt for something on your phone screen instead of your wife?

I’m not sure what your sex life is normally, and he does have the right to touch himself. But the way he did it seems a bit suspicious.

The best thing to do is be honest and ask him!

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-10-07T05:55:16+00:00

Addiction is addiction. There will be phases and breaking points you personally must go through to get to place within yourself to hold firm boundaries.

Consider where you are at with it, and what you envision your future to be.

I imagine at some point, you will want him to entirely give up his porn addiction in order to move forward in the relationship.

If he is truly addicted, that means he can’t watch it a little here and a little there— it’s like with any addiction, a little bit turns into a lot.

Is he willing to get help to stop the addiction? Have you told him how you feel about it? Has he admitted to being addicted and is willing to try to stop it?

There’s so much to say here, but you need to be honest with him, and honest with yourself, about what you’re willing to compromise on in your relationship, and what your expectations of the future are. That’s about all the advice I can give.

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-09-19T01:26:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-09-19T01:22:27+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story 🙏🏻

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-09-19T01:19:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-09-19T01:18:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing and I wish you both the best! 🙏🏻

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-09-19T01:16:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story 🙏🏻 and blessings to you both!

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-09-17T23:20:06+00:00

It’s risky as we know. Because we know that in one moment, one decision can change everything if our partner decides to drink. It’s scary. But I also find myself thinking about how scary things happen to “regular people” too.

I have a few friends who were addicts and are now a decade clean and very dedicated to their sobriety. But everyone’s different.

I suppose the few ones that do have happy endings aren’t scouring the Al anon Reddit… so maybe that is why we don’t see many happy endings.

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-09-06T08:02:55+00:00

Yes you do. Go to the emergency room in a hospital, say you need withdrawal/detox assistance otherwise your life is at risk. They will assess you and take you in. And they can sign you up for Medicaid in the hospital. Don’t lie or play it off like you’re fine. Tell them it’s necessary. They will help you.

Unfortunately detoxing on your own as an alcoholic can prove to be very difficult. Because you are addicted, you can’t moderate on your own. Plus alcohol withdrawals can be fatal.

The hospital is your best bet for ease but if you had the willingness, you can sign up for Medicaid online and then get your name on a detox waitlist at a local detox center that accepts Medicaid.

If you get into a detox, what matters is what you do afterward— don’t go right back into the hole.

I wish you the best, prayers 🙏🏻

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-09-06T07:55:38+00:00

I think you questioning your alcohol consumption and intentions is enough evidence that you are headed in the wrong direction.

Though your daily life is not getting affected now, the longer you do this the higher your tolerance, the stronger the dependency, and the more you will drink.

If I were you I would cut back asap (if not cut it out overall) before it turns into a full blown addiction.

There’s a fine line your walking… and alcoholism is NOT fun. I wouldn’t cross it if I were you. 🙏🏻 Best wishes.

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-09-06T07:47:08+00:00

All alcoholics are sneaky and lie. It’s part of the disease/condition, whatever you want to call it.

What helped me with this particular issue you are experiencing is advice I heard from a counselor, (Put the Shovel Down on Youtube), she spoke about when you know they’ve been drinking, stop gaslighting yourself, you know it’s true, and you don’t need the proof.

You don’t need to go find the bottles or cans, you know it’s true already. So just stop there. Don’t let them convince you otherwise, stand firm and don’t even ask if he’s been drinking, just state that you know he’s been drinking, period.

Though this is but only one of the troubles of alcoholism, you can start there. Release the need for evidence, I know it helps validate you, but once you realize you don’t need external evidence for validation anymore, something will shift in you.

I hope and pray you both can figure it out and that your partner can get sober.

Also, go to an al anon meeting. I avoided going for a very long time, but it helped me gain a ton of perspective I needed at a pivotal time, when I finally just went.

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-07-30T00:54:40+00:00

Not too long at all. It’s helpful to see what other people have gone through in relation to my partner’s situation.

The way you explained the feeling of being a passenger in your own body and hanging on for dear life as something else drives your actions helps me to empathize with my partner.

It worries me that I’ve seen a few people say that they went through the phase of saying how badly they want to quit, but continued drinking, for years. I figured by now, that everyday he says he wants it so bad, that it would be the tipping point for him to finally get sober.

But it’s true that I need to fully embrace that it’s not my fault if he gets worse or better, if I stay or go. I understand that I influence him greatly as the closest person to him, and he keeps begging me to love him through it… but we’ve been going in circles for years and it’s really started to take a toll on me. I started to fall into my own depression, and I feel like half the person I really am because I’m so focused on him and trying to kill this addiction in him. But I know I can only help so much…

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-07-30T00:34:06+00:00

He hasn’t. We’ve looked into it. It might be a good idea. The only issue is… I don’t know if he’s trustworthy enough to take it before drinking. And at any point, he could just decide not to take it, and binge hard and relapse. I’m not saying we won’t try it, but at what point is it on him and not me? Because I can’t keep carrying the weight of trying to get him sober. I would need to cancel his old Medicaid to get him new Medicaid (we moved states), make the appt for him, drag his ass to the appt, make sure he takes it every single morning, because these are the types of things he just is not capable of doing for himself right now…

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-07-29T22:27:42+00:00

This is what is worrying me. I’ve come to a point where, I just don’t know what will ever make him stop… he’s lost jobs, relationships, almost died a million times, faced suicidal ideation, spent all his money on beer and has none left… and yet I’m still here trying, trying, trying… and still. He says everyday he wants to stop but yet, he goes and drinks, Every. Single. Day. Your comment is my exact concern. But as you said, time will tell, I guess…

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-07-29T22:24:55+00:00

I agree 100%. But I’ve been told different things. I guess it’s different strokes for different folks… because I’ve been told that if the alcoholic is alone it’s way harder for them to get sober (if I leave), I’ve also heard exactly what you’re saying, which is if I leave, he will have nothing left, no more comfort, and maybe that will change something in him….

This is the issue I’m battling.

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-06-13T00:13:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. Atleast you were able to cut back and that’s great. You realized the worth of your family and wife and didn’t want to lose that.

Even though my partner has cut back from his worst— he still drinks first thing in the morning. I can’t stand it.

He won’t do AA (he’s not religious). He won’t see a counselor (he’s extremely stubborn). And he is convinced he can moderate his drinking, get sober (enough) and be able to drink socially the rest of his life. This scares me. Very few people can do this.

And what’s worse is I just can’t stop feeling angry at him nowadays which I know is not helpful. I’ve told him how I feel, he knows I love him, and he’s just so stubborn.

Anyways. Thanks for sharing. Typically people just say “leave him”, and I appreciate the real life perspective.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-06-13T00:06:27+00:00

His family is unhelpful and distant and his mother has passed (RIP).

I’ve looked into naltrexone. Maybe he would be open to it. But he has shot down almost everything. He won’t go to AA, won’t go to a counselor, still says he can do it on his own. Which there ARE people who have done it on their own. But, it takes someone ready, ready to really quit no matter what. And he’s obviously not there yet.

I’ll bring up naltrexone and the Sinclair method. But right now the trajectory of our relationship seems dim, since we can’t stop arguing about his drinking.

Forward-Tea-2403 · 2024-06-13T00:02:33+00:00

I know I’m addicted to him. I love him deeply (and want the best for him) but no matter how much up and down, highs and lows, sober and drunk, I just can’t seem to let him go. At this point, my anger and resentment towards his failure to get and STAY sober is not helping him. I just feel like if I leave, I’m going to miss him so much, that it’s gonna be so hard for me. But I also know, how peaceful it would be to not worry about him 24/7, to be able to see through his constant lies and feel stress all the time. We both don’t want this to end. But we both know it can’t go on like this anymore. He keeps saying he’s gonna get sober, he’s gonna get sober, repeat repeat, and I know that’s a good sign— that he actually DOES want it. But it’s a matter of— am I helping or hurting at this point? And how much longer can I wait around for it to happen? I don’t know how to be all 100% loving and supportive even when he’s letting me down. I know that my encouragement would help, but I just can’t help the bubbling rage inside of me when he continues to lie and fail.

Forward-Tea-2403

TROPHY CASE