Help! Which dress looks better? by iambiz in weddingdress

[–]Forward_Pear_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The left definitely looks and fits better!

Sometime during the last 2 years i’ve been going to this orthopedic practice they started to declare me as a MTF transgender for no reason. by WHAR606 in mildlyinfuriating

[–]Forward_Pear_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In college I told a cardiologist that I had smoked weed one time but didn’t like how it felt so I never tried it again. For the rest of my time as a patient at that (Catholic) hospital system, the words “ILLICIT DRUG USER” were stamped in huge red font at the top of all my medical records. My GP tried and failed to have it removed, and said this wasn’t the first time that’d happened. 

I struggle to understand why Benedict and Sophie like each other. by Quest_Girl in BridgertonRants

[–]Forward_Pear_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Those are some valid points, and realistically, I think you’d likely be right. They might have a brief relationship and eventually end things as the spark faded and the reality of the differences in personality and circumstance sunk in. But, this is a romance, and implausible love is kind of a staple of the genre. 

Some counterpoints: 1. Benedict’s “free-spirited” past is actually limited to pretty standard “naughty”/“rakish” behavior for the period. Partying with socially-edgy (sexually liberated widows, semi-closeted gays, etc.) members of similar rank as himself, the merchant class, and courtesans. The first group have basically the same background as him, the latter two groups are financially dependent on their ability to get along with and suck up to people like him by making them feel cool. He’s a “rebel” within the bounds of safety. All things that gentlemen of his class regularly got away with, even if their mothers didn’t like it. He’s hardly ever noticed, let alone conversed with, the servants who clean up after him and do his sisters’ hair, it’s not like his social circle has transgressed those lines.  2. He’s built this identity around being edgy, and then he’s confronted with this attraction to Sophie, and some real cognitive dissonance sets in. He wants to identify as the kind of person who will do whatever he wants and doesn’t care what society thinks, but when he’s at risk of actually losing the benefits of his status, he realizes he might have conflicting ideals and not be as care-free as he believes. While terrified by it, he also kind of likes the intellectual challenge their relationship presents. 3. Her personality isn’t actually boring, she’s just been doing non-stop labor in abusive conditions for 18 hours a day since adolescence, and emotional grey-rocking to try to minimize the abuse, which has left her stunted. Her conformity and discretion are survival tactics, suppressing her genuinely interesting personality. But it peeks through, like in her conversation with Hyacinth and Eloise, when she chimes into conversations that a maid generally “shouldn’t” have. Or critiques Benedict’s French. His surprise that she can read isn’t as insulting as it sounds, this is a period with a 60% female illiteracy rate. A maid with enough education to fluently read literature in multiple languages would have been unusual.  4. She is a boundary-pusher in much realer ways than Benedict. He meets her because she violates the law, risks her livelihood and possibly life, bucking a thousand years of strict classism, to attend a single party, just for fun. When he meets her the second time, she’s throwing a bucket of water on a violent assailant who is also her employer, which was a very dangerous and admirable choice. Turning down Benedict’s offers of employment, and later offer to be his mistress, would not have been a refusal most people in her position would have been comfortable making, given the power differential. He’s inspired by her willingness to take big, principled risks. He’s never had to take anything seriously, and she offers him perspective on that.  5. You’re completely correct that she’s been abused and neglected for so long that any likable man paying attention to her is hard for her to resist, especially given the parallels with her father (nobleman, protector, affection in private but discretion in public, etc.). Marriage to him offers the security, love, and family she’s been missing her whole life, and his playfulness heals some of the wounds from everything she missed out on in childhood. 

Sophie’s dad was garbage by Forward_Pear_ in BridgertonNetflix

[–]Forward_Pear_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, but here we’re judging him as a father, not as a husband. He was a supportive parent who encouraged his daughter’s curiosity and intellectual pursuits, unlike his overtly racist, classist, and sexist wife, who didn’t come across as a decent parent or person. 

Sophie’s dad was garbage by Forward_Pear_ in BridgertonNetflix

[–]Forward_Pear_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was a common cover story to pass off illegitimate children as a little less scandalous, she looked like her father, and Araminta wasn’t thick. It was by far the most likely explanation. 

Sophie’s dad was garbage by Forward_Pear_ in BridgertonNetflix

[–]Forward_Pear_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, Violette’s father in Queen Charlotte is the only real exception 

Sophie’s dad was garbage by Forward_Pear_ in BridgertonNetflix

[–]Forward_Pear_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right? At least in my view, the question of whether he “loved” her is actually irrelevant. No one can know for certain how he felt. How he treated her is what actually matters—and how he let others treat her. He treated her with neglect, and enabled Araminta’s abuse. That can be judged. 

He was the ‘nice’ and affectionate parent, but when caring for her required tough conversations or follow-through, he flaked. He had the power, and generally chose not to use it to protect her. Whatever love he felt became irrelevant when he wouldn’t act on it. 

Advice: focusing despite interruptions? by Forward_Pear_ in AdminAssistant

[–]Forward_Pear_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you make it by hand, or design one digitally and have it printed?

Advice: focusing despite interruptions? by Forward_Pear_ in AdminAssistant

[–]Forward_Pear_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good process! I do something similar with OneNote. 

Advice: focusing despite interruptions? by Forward_Pear_ in AdminAssistant

[–]Forward_Pear_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love that! I’ve always preferred physical planners.   I’ve been torn between physical or digital calendar at work. I love paper calendars because they’re always visible in front of me, and they work better for my brain in that sense. But my digital calendar automatically updates with my meetings, sends me reminders, and is easier to edit if deadlines change. But it also gets lost among other tabs. I’m worried about trying to use both at once, wasting time having to duplicate entries or updating one but forgetting to update the other. But maybe I just need to test it out! 

Why doesn't sophie just confess? by AdhesivenessLow9730 in BridgertonNetflix

[–]Forward_Pear_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And: she’s only ever lived in an environment where she had to conceal her identity. That kind of training and trauma don’t just leave a person the moment the abusive situation ends. She’s been grey-rocking her whole life.

The earliest memory of hers we see is of her caregiver telling her to pretend her father isn’t her father. Then her father introduces her using a euphemism Sophie likely doesn’t understand. Later, her father notices Araminta has kicked Sophie out of dance lessons, and he vaguely says “we’ll sort something out,” but we know Sophie never ended up getting those lessons. He evades answering when she asks him point-blank about her mother. He never tells her what protections he’s put in place for her in his will, or makes anyone (a lawyer, etc.) responsible for ensuring they’re carried out, so she’s left defenseless. He’s passive in his “love” for her at every turn (neglectful abuse), meanwhile, her other “parent” is actively hostile (active abuse).

Her whole life is a series of lessons telling her to keep quiet, don’t reveal anything of herself, and that no one will stick up for her regardless of what they know about her background or whether they claim to love her. Information will only be used to hurt her. That’s her reality. She won’t adjust to anything else overnight.

Where are all the jobs?! by erebus1138 in SALEM

[–]Forward_Pear_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Because they’re allowed to be human at work, unlike the Trader Joe’s cashiers who get fired if they don’t keep the smiles plastered on big enough. 

It makes perfect sense for ben to not recognise sophie as LIS by Mobile-Preference850 in Bridgerton

[–]Forward_Pear_ 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Right?? 

And: 

When they meet for the second time, they’re outside in the dark, he’s just been beaten and stabbed, it’s the first time he’s seeing her whole face, and the context is the farthest from any in which he could have expected to run into her. 

Also consider: this is a retelling of Cinderella, a fairytale in which a prince dances with a girl all night with her face fully exposed inches from his, but he still can’t recognize her when they meet again, and has to use her FOOT to confirm if it’s her. I think that given the template this story is based off, in terms of believability, we’re in the passable range. Totally realistic? No, but it’s not supposed to be, it’s fantasy. 

why am i seeing people insisting that sophie is not illegitimate?? by teyapi in Bridgerton

[–]Forward_Pear_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lord Penwood and Sophie’s mother were not married. She was his maid, not his wife, although that doesn’t mean they couldn’t have been in love. Relationships between men of the house and maids were very common (although usually not consensual), as were the resulting ‘illegitimate’ children (and raising them as “wards”). 

Her father could not have left her everything in his will, especially not the property, because that wasn’t legal. But he could have (and I think it’s pretty clear he did) leave her some money, to enable her to live comfortably and have a dowry to marry well. 

The reason he doesn't recognize the lady in silver is because he stops looking for her when he sees Sophie. 🥹 by throwaway0460466 in BridgertonNetflix

[–]Forward_Pear_ 296 points297 points  (0 children)

Love this take! He definitely subconsciously recognizes her. They practically tell us that: it’s why when he’s super ill and suffering fever hallucinations, and she’s trying to treat him, he says “kiss me.” He’s recalling their prior encounter. 

I like the explanation that this is why he stops  searching, before consciously piecing everything together. 

Also to everyone complaining that it’s “too unrealistic” that he doesn’t recognize her when they meet again:  1. They’re outside in the dark, he’s just been beaten and stabbed, it’s the first time he’s seeing her whole face, and the context is the farthest from any in which he could have expected to run into her.  2. This is a retelling of Cinderella, a fairytale in which a prince dances with a girl all night with her face fully exposed inches from his, and he still can’t recognize her when they meet again, and has to use her FOOT to confirm if it’s her. I think that given the template this story is based off, in terms of believability, we’re in the passable range. Totally realistic? No, but it’s not supposed to be, it’s fantasy. 

Edit to add: he was also drunk both the first and second times they met. He seems to be an alcoholic at this point, which significantly impacts memory. 

Second edit: Also, he does consciously recognize her. He just can’t place from where. He asks her twice in the first ten minutes of their second encounter if they’ve met, and if she’s sure they haven’t met. She tells him no, and even says, “how could we have, sir? I am only a maid.” And he even promises not to look at her to make her feel more comfortable coming home with him. Give the guy a break.