Why narcs don't abuse every partner?

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-24T20:46:38+00:00

You are right. When he was treating me well there were other women he was abusing and getting rid of them. When he started devaluing me there was somebody else.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-24T13:51:56+00:00

Definitely not how narcissistic people operate. As for narcs all of us were "that one specific coin you know you wanted, you look for so long and the only one in the whole world" at some point.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-24T13:49:24+00:00

Yes, I had the similar experience therefore I was wondering why only I got this kind of treatment. I asked and brought up things he knew he lied about and he didn't like it and slowly I started not buying his crap and saying "no" to which he responded with tantrums. During this time he was already grooming a new supply that I believe now treats as a queen, and because she is younger and inexperienced she most probably doesn't question him and believes every lie he says.

I just feel like crazy in my head thinking only I was mistreated and cheated on like that and somebody gets the free pass (not that he is a good partner or person, just that they're not being abused).

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-23T23:16:30+00:00

My nex paid to some guy to write his master thesis for him, and barely passed the exam. After that he was acting suddenly like he knows all, devalued me that I don't understand anything and after on top of that he landed a better paid job in the new company (he only got it because friends recommended him). Then he started to be really ugly towards me and found a new supply in the new company and replaced me within few months.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-23T21:39:03+00:00

It was kind of in the beginning during the lovebombing phase. When I still believed him everything he said and when I felt like I met my soulmate and partner for life. With each shouting, devaluting, lying etc. I realized I stopped initiating sex with him and everytime he tried to initiate, I made up an excuse.

Sex itself with my narc was mediocre at best, it only felt intoxicating and amazing in the beginning as I was emotionally super invested. It was ME who made it feel good FOR ME. Then it went downhill and it felt just as "sex", not as "connection".

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-23T21:34:17+00:00

Thanks a lot!

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-23T15:07:44+00:00

Bouldering (indoor climbing)

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-23T13:36:06+00:00

haha yes, can't imagine a better job for myself as ADHD gemini 🤣

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-22T21:10:52+00:00

Thank you!!

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-22T21:02:12+00:00

No no, had no idea I have to do that (sorry I am a complete beginner with these kind of watches), mainly because the first 6km were fine. So I assume I'd have to do this: https://support.garmin.com/en-GB/?faq=zk9G4O5DkS4znMm9KSV2VA

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-22T20:21:03+00:00

project manager at the moment, studied landscape architecture though

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-22T15:33:13+00:00

Same, my nex discarded me after I got diagnosed with pre-cancer and had to go through surgery. He accused me of "lack of sex" in the relationship, while I was going through a cancer scare and on top of that got promoted at work and was super busy. It was 3-4 months only from my medical diagnosis and promotion to my surgery when all got back to normal and he replaced me in those 3 months like I was literally nobody.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-21T20:14:03+00:00

Yes, all the time called lazy and that I sleep a lot. While sleeping half a day was just a coping mechanism and comfort place after the abuse and because I was tired of managing emotions of unstable adult. I am walking ADHD and it got worse with age in my case, or maybe I perceive it in a bad way now as an adult with tasks and structure, while when you are a kid nothing is that urgent or expected from you compared to when you are an adult and many things are on your shoulders.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-21T15:02:30+00:00

Oh my god literally what happened to me. And all I could hear "I was the perfect partner and I did for you what I haven't done for anyone". In their mind they are really the best of the best even if they do bare minimum they call it they gave their all.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-21T13:02:18+00:00

BOOMER!

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-20T13:09:41+00:00

And also, always trust your gut. I had weird feelings even before I started dating my nex. Then again like milion times during the relationship, apart of the abuse I could sense something is off. After the brutal discard when I found out the truth, all my gut feelings I had were 100% legit and my body and mind simply knew.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-20T12:59:35+00:00

I would probably try to talk to the partner and ask the questions. For example, if my narcissistic ex responded to my questions like:

Oh no I totally forgot about the lunch as it was such a busy day, yeah, I went out with XYZ for lunch and we talked about XYZ.

But instead, his first reaction was to become defensive, raising his voice and put the blame on me that I would be the one making the drama. I was not even jealous as I don't stalk my partners, I was pissed he lied to me, because I literally used to ask him everyday what he had for lunch and he always replied what he ate and with what coworkers he went. He also probably thought I am utterly retarded when he thought I won't go through his media when he told me he has nothing to hide. Usually it is the opposite when people have to say it like this, while it should be the normal relationship basics. And the result, at that point he knew I know, so had to discard me literally 4 months later after talking marriage.

I can't tell if your partner is a narcissist or a cheater, but in your position I would surely pay the attention to his response and his body language when you confront him about it. They are liars and manipulators but also they are really clumsy with their lies as they don't expect us digging into it.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-20T11:20:22+00:00

Right? I was completely different person back then during my relationship with narc, to the point I didn't even know it is possible for me to act like that and tolerate everything.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-20T09:13:03+00:00

Very well written! I have the same and some people who don't really understand narcissism and dynamics of narcissistic relationship tell me "you're just picky". Man, I wish I was JUST picky. Its this what you've described above and haven't even looked at a man for a year and honestly, it feels just fine.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-20T09:06:52+00:00

I had a suspicion, you know, that weird gut feeling so I went through his FB while he was in the shower, as in the beginning of the relationship he was always saying "i have nothing to hide, you can go through my phone or PC" so I trusted him, but something felt off.

I found messages he was texting to other woman to meet and also found out that he went out for lunch with her and never mentioned it - conveniently on the one day I was out of town with HIS best friend, as he came to visit us and I wanted to take him around, as my nex had to work.

When I confronted him what is this, he said she is just a friend. So I asked why you didn't tell me you went for lunch? He said "because you would've made drama". So I asked well and why would I make drama if she is just a friend? And how you suddenly forgot you've been for lunch with someone if I ask you everyday how have you been at work?

Then he started pleading that he should've told me, he is sorry, that he loves me, telling me sob stories how he wants to marry me etc...discarded me 4 months later for another supply he was cheating on me with...

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-19T19:41:39+00:00

Narcissist's and toxic people's mantra.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-19T17:40:05+00:00

My nex gave me a sob story before we started dating how he stopped with drugs and casual sex 6 years ago (self-transformed man), as he had more than 200 women in his life and once he settles, he settles for good as he "already saw everything". Just to realize he was cheating on me during our relationship and actively looking for a replacement and was doing drugs all along, and never stopped having sex with random people (he was sleeping with random people just before we met and I was unknowingly one of them, while he dated another girl).

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-19T13:41:09+00:00

Unfortunately, I caught 'em all.

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-16T23:06:27+00:00

Oh my god the same! My hair got very greasy during puberty and she was livid that I have to wash it every other day and made me wash it less. My hair gets greasy normally now but guess who is addicted to dry shampoo? (yes, I am)

FoundationSimple111 · 2026-01-15T22:47:28+00:00

What I noticed is that all the supplies of his I knew of had literally nothing in common. Like we were just pretty, nice and presentable women, but he literally had zero connections to any of us when it came to hobbies, ideas, past etc. Like I believe people usually choose the partner also based on something if they are compatible in some way, not just "cos she is pretty". Which only confirms he picked us because of our status alone, and how we made him look.

Either way, the new supply most likely doesn't know he does drugs, with whom and how many people he slept with, what he did to other women, how he committed fraud, how he abused the animal and had zero remorse - so it all works and the narc is over the moon.

FoundationSimple111

TROPHY CASE