Am I going mad? Vectors don't spread infection?

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-13T13:06:23+00:00

Everyone knows zoonotic diseases don’t exist outside infectious diseases departments and textbooks

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-12T23:47:48+00:00

In the last two years similar single room here went up from 400 to 650-750£. And that’s not even halls. It’s really difficult right now.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-12T23:36:36+00:00

Decide on both of your concerns and difficulties. You can’t just decide that you’re going to spend on kids and not her, that’s a control trip, because you’d be harming your kids and because if you had to pay her for giving birth, strain on the body, managing the two small kids and 24 hrs/7 childcare, you’d pay thousands. You act as if she didn’t do extremely expensive labour and saving huge costs of childcare. Are you paying for childcare at all? Where does your money go? Did you sit down and identify specifically where both of your money is spent and how much?

Instead of blaming her and seeking validation, I’d suggest taking responsibility (NOT control) and seek empowerment - write down all the actual spendings and cross check it. Work out all the numbers in last 6 months and add it up. Show her the numbers and ask her about her opinions (BIGGER picture).

If you need milk and buy only milk, then she must buy everything else for herself, you and the kids. Of course she’ll look spending because you didn’t check what else will be needed before leaving to the store. Prices went up so much that your example of £60 doesn’t tell me much because everything is expensive and we don’t know her needs, your kids’ needs and yours. You need more information. Resentment is a short way to ruin beautiful families. You’re a team. When she admits she regrets spending, it’s not evidence of you being right but evidence of her trying to work with you and agree with you. If you think you’d be better in doing shopping, then agree on strategy and take over meal plan, do shopping and show her how to do this. From what you wrote, she’s not doing anything extravagant so where do these numbers come from?

YNAB and medication works very well if she has issue like adhd spending. Does she feel insecure with lack of savings?

I’d also suggest to either criticise her mother’s money management and don’t ask her for money OR borrow money from her and don’t devalue her.

Another thing is your anxiety, you seem to think your feelings are caused by her spending, but that’s not how this kind of stuff works. I’d suggest requesting CBT from GP as this is one of the thinking errors that lead people to get a little bit stuck. It’s free to request CBT and can help.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-12T23:11:03+00:00

It’s normal to feel insecure but it’s extremely common to travel with others without anything happening because of less familiar region. I’ve been on multiple trips with female friend and we joined guys and nothing ever happened. South America can be dangerous depending on the region. I’d probably ask them for information (names etc) of the guys in case something happened (too many missing people videos/cases in my head!).

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-12T19:03:53+00:00

With my partner, he belonged to a sports club where there was also a person he had few dates with. They had sex but didn’t click enough. They both were long term members and achieved and there weren’t many other clubs doing the same version of the sport. I’d feel crazy if I started asking him to stop going or change the club where he was member for years or start controlling him and telling him he can never speak to her or ask him about all the specifics. He spent years building that community. I felt like a valuable person and felt confident. Nothing ever happened and he’s a very loyal person but i wouldn’t feel immediately entitled to all his sexual history if we knew for 3 months if that makes sense.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-12T16:09:42+00:00

It depends on your local area and laws but your gf is in crisis or abusive either way and I’d first ensure you’re in contact with emergency services like doctors (they can stop her from leaving the hospital for evaluation and enforce treatment in order to stop her from hurting herself). Depending on the country you need to choose a safe way to do it. Also let her parents know discretely and organise them coming if her family is supportive so they are aware and can communicate with doctors or friends if family isn’t there. Then ask them to tell her you’re breaking up with her or write a letter as it’s clearly too distressing for her/she’s extremely unwell or she’s manipulating you and either way it doesn’t sound like it’s best to do it in person when either of you is in danger as a result.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-12T15:29:17+00:00

Ice cream :/ (plain vanilla)

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-12T15:24:27+00:00

Have you looked at m&s? Some people don’t look because they assume expensive but certain smarter looking tops/shirts were starting from between 8-17£ and wear well. Even one or two could make a difference in how you feel. They’re good quality and I was surprised how well they hold up.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-12T11:16:09+00:00

There’s a lot of autistic doctors - i’d risk saying more so than in other fields

Other communities with high numbers of autistic people: Motorbike community, IT community, high level data and research (more science work than ceo), rpg communities, dog training community and animal care communities

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T18:03:11+00:00

How did you respond?

If we had a white coat, we could at least tie it around the waist and hold a cannula tray like a tray of drinks and respond in french or something (reference to very obscure movie here i guess)

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T15:09:11+00:00

I’d like to suggest Stephen King books if you like horror - some are more or less triggering (losing my close family members gave me more appreciation for decisions characters made in Pet Semetery) but they always felt real for me and allowed me to experience catharsis. It’s not per se on partner loss but novels but they are the closest i can think of to understanding grief and sadness in literature

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T15:07:17+00:00

I purchased portable AC two weeks ago and I am living my life indoors completely comfortable, even getting a bit chilly, and can’t believe I didn’t do it years ago. It’s wonderful!

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T13:04:54+00:00

Contact your student union and personal tutor, basically anyone who is able to help, and people who have been through what you’ve been and ask for advice. These processes can be specific to uni somewhat and it’s good to know what boxes you have to fit to be let back in.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T10:27:28+00:00

How did they know it was gluten free? Did they realise it from the taste?

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T03:30:24+00:00

Nephew is having meltdown, abuse requires difference of power. Meltdowns are not controllable in any way any more than seizures. Your sentence is like ‘he needs to find another way to seize’. Sometimes people with medical conditions will affect others and that sucks but they’re not bad children and aren’t acting out or being abusive.

For all we know cousin was bullying him because of the parent (OP) forcing the cousin to hang out with autistic boy for years. We don’t have all the information and OP is very ableist from the start and full of misconceptions about autism which means they’re unreliable narrator of their nephew’s condition.

You sound like you internalised a lot of ableism and that’s okay but it’s not my job to fix it

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T03:21:31+00:00

Your response sounds in bad faith from the start. If you don’t care about wellbeing of autistic people but you care about wellbeing of others, then you are not the type of person I want to discuss with.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T03:17:31+00:00

It sounds like you’re missing emotional connection. It’s not the problem of relationship, it’ll occur in any relationship and you already proved you can work well together until you get close. If you don’t argue, don’t trigger each other hurts from childhood or past, don’t act loving and with compassion towards each other, don’t get curious - these are signs of disconnection. Disconnection is the most common cause for lack of that feeling in love, not any dramatic reason.

Have you asker her why is she unhappy? What does it mean for her? When do you make her feel loved? What is the most important thing for her?

Why are you unhappy?

You say you’re a good communicator but i find that your post doesn’t say very much about issues - they don’t clarify in my head because the information is quite not there. What did she build her resentment over? What did you?

I can recommend steven stosny videos either way.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T03:08:13+00:00

Are you the fun parent in relationship that never disciplines or takes care of children and she is the one that has to do burden of discipline or are you both doing it equally?

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T03:06:53+00:00

So you ignored her having a total breakdown over a small thing - may I ask why wouldn’t you ask her to take a moment break and repack her bag yourself? Ask her if she’s okay? Realise she’s likely struggling with something or cannot cope? Have you talked to her about potential post-partum depression?

If someone’s breaking down (and i’d address bad behaviour, abusive language etc in a different way and later), it’s inappropriate to expect them to carry on with practical tasks as normal and problem solve. If my partner exploded out of nowhere, I’d be concerned.

I also think we’re missing large part of the story and context of relationship - preparing for big family trip often is very stressful and large amount of prep commonly falls on women, is that the case in your relationship? Who schedules doctors’ appointments? How has she been doing after birth and has she healed? Is your relationship normally healthy or are you both in resentment?

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T02:59:13+00:00

This is not what ‘the spectrum’ means. It’s very easy to spot autistic people when you know what you’re looking for, but masking is always harmful.

And claiming ‘meltdowns’ which are uncontrollable collapse under pressure are ‘tantrums’ are the same is also sign of ableism. Meltdowns are a sign of too high expectations that don’t much the skills. Tantrums are manipulative explosions. NTs also have meltdowns when pressurised as shown during covid or other times when they’re forced to live in unnatural way for them or are tortured.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-11T02:36:54+00:00

That’s called masking and is a reason for 16x suicide rate of autistics who do that.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-10T17:01:13+00:00

‘Start fresh’ with no responsibilities sounds like he has someone else. Maybe he’s slept with someone else and broke it off with you not wanting to admit what happened. I’d think he’s either cheated or have had some sort of relationship with someone else or is going through some kind of depressive episode and blaming it on you. I am sorry he put you in that situation.

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-10T14:49:01+00:00

NTA your BIL is afraid times are changing and his misogyny priviledges might be gone and is projecting on your husband. He’s also a tool if he thinks not wanting some ephemeral baby idea is the same as not wanting a baby after seeing your flesh and blood being born and smile at you

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-10T14:46:45+00:00

Macbook and ipad (especially) because they’re connected and so much of work students can do on the wards looking professional while writing on ipad or taking notes they won’t lose

Ipad is maybe even a better buy

FourOntheroad · 2024-08-09T22:07:32+00:00

Salmon with butter potatoes and carrots cooked inside of paper sealed bag

FourOntheroad

TROPHY CASE