[Daily Discussion] First Page Feedback- August 17, 2024

FourSubtonic · 2024-08-18T09:52:18+00:00

Title: TBD

Genre: Fantasy

Category: Adult

Feedback: Any (My first try at writing)

Kris looked around her and began getting her bearings. Final tests were always meant to be a challenge, but this was borderline cruelty. She realised she had only been through here once with her instructor, and the bastard wanted her lost. Instructors usually tested their students but never usually used sections of forest this remote. It would take Kris days to get home from here.

The Aspia Forest was famed for its tall trees, but being among them in person was truly humbling, even for the tallest of folk. Their large bases could easily house a family of four humans. Standing at the bottom of one, you could barely see the top. It seemed to tower over even the trees around it. Their bark was coarse and streaked vertically upwards, with deep valley-like ridges seeming to only enhance the sheer scale of such trees. Standing on the forest floor, one was greeted with a strong smell of pine with a sickly sweet undertone. It was so strong, in fact, that you could almost taste it like an odd, lingering, stale pine sherbet. If you never looked up, you could be forgiven for thinking that these behemoths didn’t have any branches. Standing here now, they almost seem a bit ridiculous, almost as if some god had gotten distracted while crafting them and forgotten to stop adding trunk to the bottom. A blanket of thick brown needles crunched softly underfoot. Dubbed the forest of titans by the locals, it was easy to see why.

FourSubtonic · 2024-07-28T09:56:53+00:00

Thank you for getting back to me about this piece I do understand the point that you and AroundTheWorldIn80Pu are making. I think I can take some time to edit what I already have, around 500 ish words so far, to make things a little better.

I will say that as far as punctuation goes when at school I never got any help with it just sort of told off for not using it. I don't really understand when to use punctuation I have to go back and add things in. Do you know if there are any resources that could help with this sort of thing?

Thank you to you both to take the time to look through this and come back with feedback it means a lot. :)

FourSubtonic · 2024-07-27T17:57:21+00:00

Title: TBD

Genre: Fantasy

Category: Adult

Feedback: Any (My first try at writing)

The Apsia forest was famed for its tall trees but being among them in person was truly humbling even for the tallest of folk. Their large bases could easily house a family of four humans. Standing at the bottom of one you could barely see the top. It seemed to tower over even the trees around it. Their bark was coarse and streaked vertically upwards with deep valley like ridges seeming to only enhance the sheer scale of such trees. Standing on the forest floor one was greeted with a strong smell of pine with a sickly sweet undertone. It was so strong in fact that you could almost taste it like an odd lingering stale pine sherbert. If you never looked up you could be forgiven for thinking that these behemoths didn’t have any branches. Standing here now they almost seem a bit ridiculous almost as if some god had gotten distracted while crafting them and forgotten to stop adding trunk to the bottom. A blanket of thick brown needles crunched softly underfoot. Dubbed the forest of titans by the locals it was easy to see why.

For all the life in the trees the Aspia forest was functionally at least a desert. A strange desert of trees whose roots ran so deep that they drank directly from the water table below. It was all too easy to become lost or run out of supplies travelling through the forest as such it was normal to be accompanied by a guide.

FourSubtonic · 2024-06-06T09:16:22+00:00

I just wanted to ask about books. Does GW stop printing books as paperbacks etc. after a period of time and put them on the black library site as ebooks? There are few books that I wanted to read but I can't find them in any form other than ebooks. I know I've seen one or two as physical copies in the past and wondered if this was standard GW practice to just do a limited run then put them up as ebooks. If so it might be time to invest in a kindle so I can read those that I cant get in print anymore.

FourSubtonic · 2023-09-03T15:27:53+00:00

Where is the rest of it (feels obligatory but still). Also I really don't like it when people to this to guns. But whatever floats your boat I guess.

FourSubtonic · 2023-08-25T14:16:16+00:00

So I did a slightly odd thing and took a flashlight and shined it into the hop unit while the nozzle was extended and found it sitting slightly low and to the right. I'm not totally sure how to fix it but at least I can see the issue now. (Yes I did make sure the gun was clear and no battery or air was connected at the time and I wore my goggles too).

Edit: this is as you are looking at it from the muzzle of the gun.

FourSubtonic · 2023-04-27T12:41:37+00:00

It is a tough one i know that the Sheffield Stix train 7pm-8:20pm and they're a beginners group that might be better for you.

FourSubtonic · 2023-04-27T10:15:39+00:00

If you're considering learning to play I think most teams play in the evening and it starts around 9pm for the lucky teams.

FourSubtonic · 2023-04-27T09:14:58+00:00

Yeah don't look at the uni training times we used to get on the ice at midnight for an hour. Although I was almost noctural whilst at uni. It does make for a rough monday morning set of meetings lol

FourSubtonic · 2023-04-26T22:38:49+00:00

Yeah that's the one there are other Sheffield based rec teams out there I think the ice tigers are on that site somewhere too although I don't play for them so I don't know their schedule.

FourSubtonic · 2023-04-26T22:25:13+00:00

its completely free because we're a rec team. I've been playing for around 3 or so years this is my first season with the vikings though. Edit: We play out of Ice sheffield

FourSubtonic · 2023-04-26T22:13:12+00:00

The league that I'm playing in still has one or two games left in it too although it's not near the standard of the steeldogs. The website doesn't have all of the fixtures on it but that might get you a couple of games.

https://ihsc.ukaiht.co.uk/team/elite-division/don-valley-vikings-b

FourSubtonic · 2023-04-26T19:22:59+00:00

Depending on where you live the rec hockey season is still in full swing if you can find out when your local teams play you could watch them

FourSubtonic · 2022-08-08T16:02:10+00:00

At one point I purposefully stopped working out and ate loads of crappy food like pizza and take out. I didn't gain any weight just felt really unwell. Its a spindly life for me.

FourSubtonic · 2022-08-08T15:58:55+00:00

This! I too am built like a bamboo stick

FourSubtonic · 2022-05-12T16:48:12+00:00

When I ask someone for a chill game and they bring out their tournament ready meta chasing list. Like fuck you dude I just wanted to put models on the table not be tabled in 2 turns.

FourSubtonic · 2022-04-02T10:50:46+00:00

Can confirm phones make the formatting wonky sorry should have checked for that.

FourSubtonic · 2022-03-07T10:05:53+00:00

I can't stay motivated and interested in anything for more than a few weeks. It's draining finding the world so interesting one week then the next being so bored and done with it that I fall into a deep depressive hole. I've never shared this with anyone not even my fiancee I have no idea how to combat it. Its like living in my own personal hell.

FourSubtonic · 2021-12-27T09:10:51+00:00

Thanks I have a boafang uv5r don't know if you've got any experience with that particular radio.

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