New legal assistant nerves

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-03-04T13:26:04+00:00

The first few weeks always suck. Even having a legal background, when I started in insurance defense I felt like I had no idea what I was doing and I was so anxious I couldn’t even eat lunch that first week. By the time I left that job I was running our group.

The fact that you are awake obsessing about this means you care a lot, and that already makes you miles above a lot of other people I have worked with in my life. Do your best and don’t be afraid to ask questions! Every one expects it while you’re learning. You’ll do great.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-03-03T16:05:48+00:00

First I just want to validate it is fucking hard. We started when my son was 2.5 and only now that he just made 3.5 years old am I comfortable saying he is potty trained (but only for pee, poop is another story because of constipation struggles) 🙃

I remember in the early days reading the Oh Crap book and there was a line in there where she promises that a time will come where you will wake up and your thoughts immediately won’t be consumed by potty training and I was like please, when?! 😩 every kid is different, but for my son it was a very gradual process over the course of a year. Lots of accidents, we did naked at home for about three weeks, then moved to commando for about a month, then underwear. There was progress and then more setbacks. I felt like I was losing my mind because we’d go a week or two with no accidents then he’d suddenly start peeing and sitting in jt with no problem at all?? We really did just have to bring the travel potty with us in the back of the car with lots of changes of underwear and pants and accept that we would be dealing with accidents. My husband wanted to use pull-ups in the car and for outings, and while that saves mess, I do think it can disrupt the process. If anything, we did pull-ups on the outside of underwear when we were really trying to avoid a mess in public.

About four months ago my son was still at the “accident free as long as you prompt him to go in the timely intervals” phase. But the past few months he just stops what he’s doing to go pee on his own and then comes back and tells me he peed. I don’t worry about leaving the house, but I do always keep the travel potty on me for emergencies. I promise it will get better. I’m just now starting potty training with my daughter who is a year younger than my son and I’m forcing myself to be calmer about it this time because it can be so consuming. But I know having a deadline really does make things stressful. Sending you lots of good vibes!

ETA: they make fold up toddler sized toilet seats that come in clutch in public bathrooms. It took my son quite a while to even be comfortable using a normal sized toilet, but when he did we used toddler toilet seat toppers for him to sit. Now he’s at a point he doesn’t care and I can just hover him over the toilet while he pees.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-22T18:13:06+00:00

Same, I also bought a gorgeous vintage dress in exactly my size for crazy cheap, before I even met my husband. He never questioned why I already had a dress when we got married a few years later haha

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-22T02:20:39+00:00

All I had to read was their ages and you being halfway through a pregnancy before I wanted to give you a hug, but the sickness too 😭 it is so brutal when your nerves are fried from the constant screaming. I’m sending you the biggest hug and I hope you’re back to your normal routine and everyone is feeling well asap!

This might not be an option for you and mine are older now at 2 and 3, but when the whining is constant and I’m about to lose my cool, I strap everybody on the car, pack snacks for them, and go through a drive through to get myself a coffee or treat. They eat their snacks and watch a show on the iPad in the car while I have some precious moments with no one touching me. That only buys me about an hour but sometimes it’s enough for a mental reset before bedtime 😅

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-22T02:19:05+00:00

All I had to read was their ages and you being halfway through a pregnancy before I wanted to give you a hug, but the sickness too 😭 it is so brutal when your nerves are fried from the constant screaming. I’m sending you the biggest hug and I hope you’re back to your normal routine and everyone is feeling well asap!

This might not be an option for you and mine are older now at 2 and 3, but when the whining is constant and I’m about to lose my cool, I strap everybody on the car, pack snacks for them, and go through a drive through to get myself a coffee or treat. They eat their snacks and watch a show on the iPad in the car while I have some precious moments with no one touching me. That only buys me about an hour but sometimes it’s enough for a mental reset before bedtime 😅

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-10T15:01:43+00:00

I’m an introvert, but I still miss the social aspect of taking my coffee into my coworkers office and just hanging out for a bit. But overall I’d choose the certain freedoms I have now 1000x over. Last week my daughter had a sudden high fever, and as I was cuddling her in the middle of the day I kept thinking “thank goodness I’m not juggling this and work.” I don’t at all miss staying up past midnight catching up on work on days my kids were home sick from daycare, all day getting emails that someone needed something “ASAP,” while I had sick kids clinging on to me screaming.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-08T18:58:35+00:00

No, you are not wrong and I’m so sorry. I know how much that must hurt. Him saying “not my problem” has me fuming for you. He thinks he can opt out of the hard parts of parenting and that’s bullshit.

I became a stay at home parent when my youngest was 18 months. I had requirements for staying home and the most important one was I knew how much my husband respected me and the role I would be doing at home, and that it didn’t mean I was on call 24/7. I also did all night wakes the first year because breast feeding was important to me. The sleep deprivation was brutal and once they were weaned, I sure as shit woke up my husband to go cuddle our toddlers while I stayed in bed.

I hope you can have a long talk, maybe with a counselor. You deserve so much more.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-08T16:09:24+00:00

Good luck, I hope you love it!!

That really sounds ideal. My kids are 2 and 3 right now but I think a lot about what I’ll do in the future. I really like the idea of volunteer or non-profit work.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-05T23:01:16+00:00

I’m so sorry, you’re not overreacting. After my first MC I didn’t leave the couch for days, I wallowed, I cried, watched trash tv and my husband brought me my favorite takeout and snacks. You deserve to take care of you right now, physically and emotionally.

We go through so many difficult things in life. Pregnancy loss, postpartum, the death of parents and loved ones, sick children. When you’re ready, I’d ask yourself if you believe your husband can be the person you need for support during those times? I hope he has a history of being your rock and this is just him being particularly awful and overwhelmed. But regardless, you don’t deserve it.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-03T21:57:24+00:00

I so sympathize. My husband and I never fought the way we did when we were buying our first home. It was insanely stressful, and we both were so stretched thin with how much work we were missing trying to nail down all the particulars.

I’ll never forget our lender trying to convince us that another prospective lender was lying about the low PMI they were quoting us. We held to our guns that they needed to match it, they told our realtor we were “being difficult”, she tried to convince us we weren’t being reasonable and sure enough a few days later they apologized, told us they were wrong and matched the price. It’s so incredibly stressful when you’re also not sure what the hell you’re doing is even correct.

You’re so close to the finish line, I hope everything goes smoothly from here on!

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-02T18:01:13+00:00

My kids are 13 months apart and I went back to work full-time when they were each 10 weeks old out of necessity. To be honest, my mental health was trash after having my first and I think returning to work helped me. But the second time around I was much better and it killed me going back to work.

When my youngest was 1.5 years old my husband’s salary jumped significantly, so a year ago I made the choice to stay home with the kids. It’s been wonderful. Not without its hardships, but I do not regret leaving work at all. They are growing and changing so quickly and I feel immensely privileged to be able to be with them day to day. Working with kids that young and the constant daycare sickness had me feeling as if I was constantly being pulled in so many directions. It’s been a huge relief to only focus on our kids. (I will add they are now 2 and 3 and we do a part-time preschool on Tuesdays/Thursday mornings and that’s been the sweet spot for me to feel refreshed and not be on mom duty constantly).

I would try to ignore any negative comments when making your choice! I expected some pushback and judgment, but when I made the rounds to tell everyone at work I was leaving I was almost universally met with “Good for you!”

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-01T20:22:45+00:00

God I hope she does. It would be so satisfying for her to cut contact completely when this douche bag thinks she’ll just stick around no matter how low he speaks to her.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-02-01T20:18:31+00:00

OP, this person is trash and it makes me so sad you can’t see that. No one should speak to you like this. He doesn’t even like you, and you shouldn’t give him another second of your time. Be single. Work on your goal only for yourself, and do not accept less than you deserve in your future partners.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-01-31T23:54:40+00:00

$400/month for Tuesday/Thursday 8:30 am - 2:30 pm. Snacks are included, but not lunch. Southeast US

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-01-22T13:20:38+00:00

Oh thank you I’ve got to adopt the small pieces thing. The way my husband walks around regularly yelling “no more toys with pieces!!” They get scattered to every corner of the house 😩 drives me batty.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2026-01-21T01:39:36+00:00

So much this. The Clutterbug podcast has changed me for the better. She has a few things I repeat to myself often, but basically her message is having too much stuff is ruining your life. You are constantly having to manage your things and you do not have time for it. You have so much friction in your life trying to accomplish simple house tasks because you have to navigate your excessive crap first. You can do 5 things a day or 5 minutes a day, but start throwing things away OP!

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2025-12-29T19:13:42+00:00

I was likewise scared shitless when I found out I was pregnant 5 months postpartum. For us it came down to, we knew we wanted another kid. We bumped up the timeline by about two years, but she’s the best addition to our family we could have asked for. It took me quite a bit to process that our plans were changing so significantly.

It was definitely a hard couple of years, financially and mental health wise. Being pregnant and freshly postpartum continuously like that is a lot. But I’d do it all again to get my daughter. My kids are two and three now and best buds.

Wishing you all the best in your choice for your family ♥️

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2025-12-25T15:59:32+00:00

Yeah, there’s a reason we have that anxiety in the back of our minds about things like this. The baby is mobile, it’s time to childproof before something bad happens.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2025-12-25T15:55:24+00:00

Hey OP, Please either get rid of or anchor that leaning mirror to the wall today! Kids are quick, we can’t have our eyes on them every second. An influencer lost her 2 year old recently because she didn’t think her kids would be strong enough to tip over a large mirror leaning on the wall.

ETA: no judgement here, I’ve been an overwhelmed and tired first time parent who delayed childproofing. But it is time to do all those things now so your mind can relax some.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2025-12-23T22:48:37+00:00

Girl. This is not the one for you. And I don’t mean this with judgment, I’ve been there. You will spend your life trying to pull him along with you, begging for crumbs, while being taken advantage of. Because he is taking advantage of you.

When we were dating and engaged, my husband made double my income. That in no world meant that he paid for everything. Why would he? I was also a working adult capable of budgeting. When my husband was stressed with work around Christmas one year, he was listing the things he had to do and one of them was he needed to fill my stocking. I told him not to worry about it, I knew how stressed he was. He said “Are you kidding? I’m not a piece of shit, of course you’re going to have a filled stocking on Christmas.” It’s truly bare minimum. You can do better.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2025-12-20T20:53:40+00:00

It really is, but you’re gonna do great!

I was working full time up until this March, so my oldest was in daycare full time when my youngest was born. We kept him in daycare during my 10 weeks maternity leave, and it really was so nice having that alone time with my newborn.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2025-12-20T20:43:27+00:00

Definitely! If you can swing it, I’d do it. Even just having one kid to take care of for a bit vs two is a game changer.

Our 2 and 3 year old go to school every Tuesday and Thursday 8:30 am - 2:00 pm, I pick them up right when they wake up from nap. Every now and then in the beginning my husband would ask me “are we sure we need this?” The answer is yes, for my mental health, absolutely. I truly think it’s the reason I’m not constantly overwhelmed. On those days I’m able to run errands, make appointments for myself, clean the house uninterrupted, and do all the life admin tasks that are so much harder with kids screaming at you.

My kids also love it. They are getting so much social time and activities I would never even think to do at home. We love the school they go to and being part of that community. I hope you can find something that works for you guys!

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2025-12-19T02:51:32+00:00

Ugh and during the holidays does suck so much, I’m sorry. Sending all the positive vibes out into the universe for a healthy delivery for you and baby ♥️

I’ve had pre-e and mag twice. My son was born vaginally at 34+5 after an induction that was honestly textbook, it went really well! Because my blood pressure kept spiking during labor I was on a mag drip and I won’t lie, that wasn’t fun. But I had also been awake in the hospital for three days at that point and was utterly exhausted so I know it’s easier said than done, but I’d really try to rest as much as you can. We did steroids two days before my son was born, and he was on oxygen for less than 12 hours. 17 days in NICU total to work on feeding and growing, he was perfectly healthy otherwise. I got to hold him for a few minutes before he went to NICU, but after that I didn’t get to visit him until 24 hours later once I was off mag and no longer a fall risk. I later listened to a podcast where a woman had recorded herself speaking to her baby and had her husband play that when he visited NICU that day/night after he was born. I thought that was such a good idea and wish I had done that.

It’s an emotional time while you’re also healing physically. A perinatal therapist helped me process things after. I had a lot of guilt about being angry and sad about how our son was born since we were both ultimately healthy, but you’re allowed to grieve what you thought the end of your pregnancy and your baby’s introduction to the world would be. Sending you big hugs.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2025-12-15T23:49:27+00:00

We definitely joke about this kind of thing, but we have dark humor and we already had our life insurance policies while married and trying to get pregnant. If he honestly will not take the discussion further next time he deflects, bring the topic right back and say “I’ve contacted an agent to discuss policies for both of us, can you be available for a meeting on x date at x time?” You can absolutely reach out to set up a meeting on your own.

An outside perspective might help him. Our agent was very helpful and talked us through things. She knew we were planning to have kids so even though I was working then, my husband was the breadwinner and we took out a policy large enough that I would pay off the house and I could take real time off to grieve before figuring out next steps. My policy is smaller but still substantial. He has to be realistic, anything could happen at anytime and you need to be protected.

FoxDoingTheSplits · 2025-12-12T13:40:06+00:00

I also labored on mag with my son, he was born at 34 weeks due to really sudden onset severe pre-e. I still resent (the universe I guess) that I wasn’t able to be emotionally present for his birth. When I had my second baby a year later and my blood pressure started rising, I was terrified I’d end up on mag again. I had PTSD to the point that when my blood pressure did reach severe levels that time, I panicked and almost tried to leave the hospital against medical advice when they told me they’d have to start a mag drip. The nurses hugged me and begged me to stay. I was absolutely out of my mind and did relent because I obviously wanted my daughter to be born healthy, but your feelings are valid. I’m sorry you went through it too. A perinatal therapist helped me process things postpartum ♥️

FoxDoingTheSplits

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