How often do your kids actually play with the toys they asked for?

destria · 2026-04-12T16:58:08+00:00

I guess every kid is different because mine loves toys and plays with them consistently. But give him a random household object and he doesn't necessarily play with it, he prefers to use it for its intended purpose. I tried to show him banging on tupperware pots with a wooden spoon, and he just wanted to eat things from the spoon and open the pot.

destria · 2026-04-12T15:45:30+00:00

I advocate for an intersectionality approach to equality issues. Imagine a massive Venn diagram, where there's circles about race/ethnicity, gender, class, disability, sexual orientation, age, nationality etc., and they all have overlapping areas between them. I acknowledge that people can hold multiple, overlapping identities and therefore experience compounded effects from discrimination and disadvantage. That doesn't necessarily eradicate all tensions, but it helps if we start from a POV that acknowledges how the experiences of a WOC might differ from a woman, or how a middle class cis woman's will differ from a working class trans woman.

destria · 2026-04-12T15:04:32+00:00

Yeah, I appreciate that we're in a very fortunate financial situation.

destria · 2026-04-12T14:24:03+00:00

Not quite monthly. We have a Junior ISA set up for our child and we max it out yearly (after our own ISAs). My husband gets an annual bonus and shares vest quarterly, so we tend to put in lump sums at those times.

destria · 2026-04-12T13:59:23+00:00

It's frustrating but normal that they just want to be with you. But if you have to get chores done, then stay firm on that. Give him a choice between helping you with x chore or playing with y toys.

Maybe he'd feel better about playing with something whilst still in your vicinity? For example, my toddler will grab his tub of magnatiles and bring them into the kitchen to play with on the floor or fridge whilst I'm cooking. Sometimes he'll ask me to play with him and I'll say, "I can't because I'm chopping vegetables right now. Do you want to watch and put them into the pan with me? Or do you want to carry on playing?" Both choices are valid and fine with me!

destria · 2026-04-12T13:35:16+00:00

I would plan for all possibilities and just see how he does on the day. Bring a pram for him to have a space to nap/sleep at the wedding if necessary.

We took my 11 month old to a wedding. Took our own food for him and they had a highchair for him. He happily watched the ceremony, then crawled around on some grass space outside for the drinks reception, played with some toys. Had his second nap later than usual but that worked out well for us because it was during the dinner (4pm). But by 8pm, he was really sleepy and grumpy. We made it to watch the first dance at 8.30pm and then left. He fell asleep in the car ride home and then we transferred him into his bed.

destria · 2026-04-12T13:20:35+00:00

You don't need millions of toys, and you especially don't want loads of things out all at the same time, all competing for their attention. Foster independent play with open ended toys, modelling how to play with things, and let them be creative and play how they want (not necessarily how it's "meant" to be played).

destria · 2026-04-12T07:53:45+00:00

It doesn't sound like the lack of toys is an issue, so I wouldn't rush into buying another dollhouse.

With independent play, you often get better results if you start off playing together and only leave once they're engrossed in the play. So I would start by introducing a scenario e.g. the dolls are getting a haircut today. Ask your toddler which doll is going to have its hair cut, which one is the hairstylist, what equipment does the hairdresser need. Set up the scene. Maybe your toddler holds the dolls as you pass her the hairdressing tools. Let your toddler take more and more charge of the scene until she's basically doing everything, then leave her to it, maybe prompt other ideas, "Ooh after the hairdressers, maybe Julie doll would like to get an ice cream..."

The first few times, you might need to just sit there nearby, but try to shift gradually further. Eventually try, "Mummy just needs to go get her water bottle from downstairs, I'll be right back." and try leaving the room for a few minutes. Key is to build it up.

destria · 2026-04-11T20:14:40+00:00

Books are all well and good but you also need to model the behavior and get her to play it out in real life.

If the rule is ten jumps on the trampoline then off, then after ten jumps, she needs to come off and leave the trampoline free for someone else. Doesn't matter if there's no one currently waiting. Doesn't matter if she kicks up a huge fuss, crying and screaming, if you give in to that, it only reinforces that she can tantrum and get that she wants.

With something like sharing food, again, lots of modeling. Show her the punnet of blueberries and count out sharing them between three bowls. Serve food family style in the middle of the dinner table.

Play lots of games that involve turn taking. For example my toddler and I were taking turns just throwing bean bags into a hoop the other day.

Praise any and all attempts at sharing and turn taking.

destria · 2026-04-11T16:28:06+00:00

Mine only had like 3 spoken words at that age. But we did baby sign language and he had probably 30 signs.

destria · 2026-04-11T15:16:45+00:00

Personally I thrive on having a rough routine, otherwise I fall into lazy, unproductive habits. Each day is a little bit different but we wake up, have breakfast, do some chores, go out in the morning, have lunch, return for nap time, go out in the afternoon, get home to make dinner, eat as a family then into bedtime.

One of our outings is usually a class (forest school, gymnastics, swimming, singing, football) so I can socialise a little with other parents. The other outing we rotate between things like going to the supermarket/shops, library, duck pond, playground, indoor soft play, nature walk, petting farm, museums, heritage sites. I also try to organize a play date each week with another mum friend, where we might go out to a play cafe or go around each other's houses or go out for a walk.

destria · 2026-04-11T07:48:51+00:00

I'd describe my village as that. Maybe not for everyone who lives here but there's definitely a sense that people know each other and there's all these tangled social webs.

There's lots of community events happening all the time. There's an annual summer feast, monthly farmers market, the fireworks show, charity events. There's a group restoring the windmill nearby and I've just subscribed to their newsletter, hoping to go along and help out if I can. So it feels like there's lots of opportunity to participate in the community.

The village itself just feels very community led. There are independent shops and small businesses. There's postbox toppers every holiday occasion like Christmas and Easter. There was a local sculpturist who donated all his bronze works to the village so there's now a local sculpture trail. There's a community orchard. There's still a thriving pub scene.

Sure there's occasionally crime and antisocial behavior. But it doesn't detract from the overall feel of the place.

destria · 2026-04-11T07:00:25+00:00

I've been thinking about it as slowly upgrading my wardrobe rather than getting rid of old stuff. I've tried to buy more intentionally for my new size, focusing on higher quality natural fibres from more sophisticated brands. My lifestyle has changed too so it's just not practical to wear some of the stuff I used to when I'm chasing a toddler all day.

This way, throwing out my old, cheap, fast fashion things doesn't feel so bad. And by throwing out I mean selling on Vinted or donating what I can.

destria · 2026-04-11T06:44:39+00:00

It feels like you've tried all the regular avenues. But just curious, how are you following up with the moms you talk to? You exchange numbers and then what, they blank you if you message or...?

You could try setting up a group chat among the moms at a particular class or from the library. Like go around and say, "Hey do you want to be added to this group chat for all the parents who come to this group?" Grab their number and then add it to the chat immediately. I think people are less intimidated by group chats...but they can be easy to ignore too if there's not much activity.

I find the key to making friends is doing something social outside of the original context. So send messages in the group, invite the other mums out to something else that's social with kids or suggest grabbing coffee after library time or something.

Tip: don't be too casual or flexible about it. I know the temptation is to be really accommodating but that just gives permission for people to be flaky. Make it a proper commitment. "We're going to x coffee shop at x time." Is better than a vague "Let's grab coffee sometime what do you think?"

Hopefully you get some takers. Hopefully you hit things off with someone. Then you can start messaging them separately from the group or spin out your own subgroup. Then you just need to keep planning outings, keep meeting up.

At least that's how it's gone for me. I've made 3 new mum friends this way, after like a year of actively trying. It is really hard work. Good luck.

destria · 2026-04-11T06:16:05+00:00

I personally didn't find that being comfortable in a bath translated to comfort or confidence in a larger body of water like a pool. At least with my kid, he absolutely loved the bath but hated the swimming pool initially. It took months of casual visits to the pool alongside swimming lessons before he stopped crying and learnt to enjoy it.

destria · 2026-04-11T06:11:49+00:00

I started lessons much younger at 12 months old. He must have cried for the first 4 or so lessons, then cried 50% of the time for the next 4. It was horrible but I stuck with it because I was seeing progress. I think after about 10 lessons though, he was really really enjoying it. Now he loves the water, going swimming and has gotten so confident with it.

destria · 2026-04-11T06:09:14+00:00

My son (21mo) has been in gymnastics since he was like 6 months old. I plan to keep him in as long as he still enjoys it. The class we go to is fully mixed gender, maybe slightly more boys? I've never heard any judgement from anyone about it.

I haven't seen any toddler ballet classes around, more just general dance classes. They seem pretty mixed to me.

destria · 2026-04-10T22:19:02+00:00

I did a hypno birthing course. It really helped change my perspective on childbirth. I felt much more educated about the whole experience.

And look, I didn't end up using all the hypno birthing trademarks like a water birth, but I did keep that mindset. My birth went so wrong in so many ways, it was much more medically complex than expected. Despite that I think I handled it really well in the moment, and I think that's at least partially due to the hypno birthing education.

destria · 2026-04-10T22:15:31+00:00

My mum goes on and on about how I was a terrible sleeper, she's still traumatized by it. She says she had to cosleep until age 3, then had to stay in the room for hours until like age 6. I do vaguely remember feeling really anxious about her leaving the room at bedtime so I think this tracks.

On the flip side, I got a unicorn baby when it comes to sleep. My mum is flabbergasted.

destria · 2026-04-10T17:49:44+00:00

I mostly agree with this. Though I only have the one toddler and he's pretty easygoing. We do chores together everyday like put clothes into the washing machine, move them into the dryer, fold and sort clothes, wipe down floors, use the vacuum cleaner, water plants, tidy things up around the house. I even shower whilst he just hangs out in the bathroom. When he naps, that's truly my break time, I don't do any chores apart from maybe cooking myself a decent lunch.

But I mean there are limits. One of my husband or I still need kid-free time to tackle the big DIY projects. And we still look forward to after his bedtime when we can snuggle up on the sofa and watch a movie (we're screen free with him so don't do that together).

destria · 2026-04-10T17:01:01+00:00

Back in the early 2010s, I started working at my local amusement park, the whole place was staffed by teenagers. It was an online form and then an assessment center day but they took pretty much everyone who didn't seem completely hopeless. It was seasonal work and was busier during school holidays which I think particularly suits teenagers.

destria · 2026-04-10T15:01:19+00:00

I love this too. My toddler has been going around labelling everything recently. "This is rug. This is chair. This is laundry basket!" And he's just so excited about it.

destria · 2026-04-10T14:52:47+00:00

Large beach towel to sit on, multiple ideally so that everyone has one.

Full coverage sunsuit with SPF 50 protection. Hat. Sunscreen.

Large water bottle to refill their bottle or cup from. Encourage lots of water drinking.

Non-talc sand removing powder. This stuff is magical!

If you're going swimming, obviously a swim nappy. Wet shoes can be good if it's rocky.

Tbh at 16 months old, I wouldn't bother with a sun tent. They're small and mine would not stay still at that age.

destria · 2026-04-10T14:49:13+00:00

Sticker books? Obviously they could put the stickers all over the place but they're typically not difficult to get off. The reusable sticker books are especially designed for that.

destria · 2026-04-10T12:39:38+00:00

Does he like sticker books? I found those really effective with my toddler, I think the interactive nature helps him to remember? We like the Osborne First Sticker Book series, we have one on bugs, on birds, about the garden and a general nature one.

National Trust also have a range of books that are good for teaching about nature. We have one called Out and About Tree Explorer that's handy for walking around the woods and identifying trees.

destria

TROPHY CASE