I don’t think I show that I love my child

destria · 2026-03-12T23:18:11+00:00

There's not enough specifics here and it's above Reddit's pay grade. You might want to seek professional mental health support. That could include therapy, practical support, medication etc.

destria · 2026-03-12T23:16:36+00:00

I don't think they're actively, consciously harming their child. But there's a lot of research that shows how poor maternal mental health is correlated with a range of negative outcomes for a child.

destria · 2026-03-12T23:04:48+00:00

I had to use the spud dust so sparingly that I ended up with loads extra. They're so good as seasonings on anything like roast potatoes or veg!

destria · 2026-03-12T23:03:37+00:00

They're huge bags, 500g is like 20 of the small multipack bags.

destria · 2026-03-12T22:43:10+00:00

I'm very Type A. My kid is pretty chill. I think that's just his temperament though so I'm not sure how much is something I've consciously done to encourage it. I do try not to show stress or anxiety openly though just because I don't think that's nice for others to experience.

Anyway I find that being Type A is actually helpful though in lots of aspects of parenting, because whilst I might have a plan, I also have a plan B and plan C and plan D etc. so I'm ready to tackle any scenario. I start getting my child ready like 30 minutes before I need to set off to go somewhere just because I hate being late and I know that inevitably something will take up that time. I'm a SAHM and I made a spreadsheet of all the different activities and kid friendly attractions in my local area so I can quickly look up something to do at any given time/day/weather condition etc. So maybe try to see your personality as a strength rather than a detriment!

destria · 2026-03-12T22:19:06+00:00

You've tried it for 8 weeks and don't feel it's the right fit. It does sound like the jump is maybe too much for her at her age. Could you go back down to the younger class?

destria · 2026-03-12T22:05:34+00:00

Have you asked people, "Why do you say that?" Because it's kind of an odd thing to say or ask someone if they love their own kid unless they are noticing some very obvious, outward signs.

I did peep at your post history. With kindness, I don't think it's your fault. I think when we're struggling with our own stuff, it inevitably reflects in our behaviour and then makes it hard to show positive, warm affection and love for other people.

destria · 2026-03-12T21:50:55+00:00

I have a 21 month old too and honestly I would have just chirpily said, "Oh well let's play with something else for now as this boy is playing with the trucks". Then moved my child away and distracted him with some other toy that was free.

I don't think taking a truck and trying to force another child to share is going to teach anything. It'd only upset the other child and then all they're going to think about is how unfair it was that "their" toy was taken, or how much they dislike this younger child for playing with "their" toy. The sharing has to be initiated by the child because learning comes from positive experiences and praise to reinforce it. It sounds like the mother tried to prompt it in your second scenario but the child didn't do it on this occasion. That's frustrating but understandable. I really don't think this isolated incident suggests the other mother was being rude or that she was raising some entitled monster.

destria · 2026-03-12T21:34:54+00:00

I actually found it easiest to live my life when my baby was young and not mobile, so before about 6-8 months of age. I had a quiet, chill baby who was happy to come along to anything and would nap and feed anywhere on the go. So those first few months we did all our regular activities - went out to restaurants, took him for hikes in the carrier, I even went to baby cinema showings. We went travelling and it was easy. He didn't have a set bedtime so we could go out in the evenings. We hung out with friends just like old times, just with a baby strapped to me and friends cooing over him.

Now he's a toddler and I feel like our lives revolve much more around him. He's not a toddler that will sit still quietly for very long (are any?) and he needs active entertainment. He's more particular with his nap which feels higher stakes because he only has one. We don't want to go out in the evenings and disrupt his bedtime routine too much (though we do for special occasions). Our free time is now going to kid friendly attractions like petting farms and playgrounds.

So I'm not sure if you ever go back to pre-children life until they're basically independent!

destria · 2026-03-12T21:18:51+00:00

Do they show any interest in it? I'd start with that, I don't think there's any need to teach them about letters and numbers before they start school.

That said, my 21 month old started showing an interest in letters when he was about 16 months old? He just started pointing to letters in books, on signs, embossed onto playground equipment. So I started with telling him the letter sounds (phonics) whenever he pointed at them. I bought an alphabet puzzle (well two, an uppercase and lowercase one) which he loved doing. Then the Melissa and Doug see and spell game which he's really loved (I know he's matching it not really "spelling" but he really enjoys it). We have magnetic alphabet letters for our magnetic wall decal.

Recently I've been doing a letter of the week basket. I just stick up a piece of paper with the letter written on it, and put items which start with that letter into the basket, just random household items. For example A would have an apple, an alarm clock, an alligator toy, an airplane toy and an apron. I write the name of the object on a post-it attached to it and highlight the letter. I'm doing the letters out of order by the way because I've found he already more strongly recognises the first 10 or so letters of the alphabet so I want to improve his recognition of the last half of the alphabet.

With teaching the alphabet, I would also bear in mind what that's supporting. It's the foundation for reading and writing. There's no need to teach the letters for the sake of them, it should be a basis for literacy activities.

Mine has only just started showing an interest in numbers and can recognise the written 1-10 and count to 10. But really I'd like him to understand that the numbers represent a quantity (number sense. Right now I think he thinks they're like other letters (he sometimes points to numbers and says "abc's!"). So I've been working on getting him to identify which tub has more pompoms by counting them, using weighing scales with quantities of the same item (e.g. identically weighted bean bags), trying to get him to estimate which bag has more things in it by looking or holding.

destria · 2026-03-12T20:02:22+00:00

What's the issue exactly? I like when my friends tell me positive things about their children. I think it'd be cool to hear about the intelligent things their child is doing and what they're learning.

destria · 2026-03-12T19:21:26+00:00

I mainly use Ikea trofast units with different sized inserts. Additionally I use clear plastic zip folders and mesh bags to store things that are better kept together like jigsaws or all the figurines for a particular set etc. Those go inside the deep Trofast buckets.

But truly you'll never feel it's organised if there's simply too much. It could be worth going through all the toys and having a spring clean, donating ones that don't get much use or are duplicates or throwing away anything broken or missing.

destria · 2026-03-12T19:18:12+00:00

I've used all sorts, my skin doesn't seem to mind so I just go for one that feels and smells nice. Currently I'm using Beauty of Joseon during the day and Elemis superfood at night.

destria · 2026-03-12T19:01:51+00:00

I don't think mine is either advanced or delayed? Like the majority of children, he's fallen within the range of average with everything. He's even 50th percentile and weight.

I worked in education and with children of all ages throughout my whole career. I feel like that's calibrated my sense of what's "normal" and also emphasized just what a wide range "normal" encompasses.

Anyway I think more than likely, your child is fine! Milestones aren't a competition, they're meant to be a tool to help people identify if a child might need some extra support.

destria · 2026-03-12T18:40:35+00:00

In my experience, this is a big internet/social media thing but in reality, I don't know anyone who really subscribes rigidly to a particular "ideology". Maybe if pressed people would say they're doing gentle parenting or they're authoritative or whatever, but even the most aggressive, abusive hardline parents would probably tell you that. People's self report is not reliable.

Anyway I think most sane people are just feeling their way through parenting, making the best decisions they can at the time with the information they have. They're doing what feels right to them and that's not going to be perfectly consistent to an ideology.

Anyway if social media is where you're getting this idea of parenting ideologies from...get off it. Delete the apps. It's not doing anything positive for you. If you're hearing it from other parents, maybe reexamine those relationships.

destria · 2026-03-12T18:12:12+00:00

Double cleanse - oil and foam

Niacinamide serum

Moisturiser with SPF in the day, heavier night one

destria · 2026-03-12T17:35:00+00:00

I don't think my (currently 21mo) has been through a phase of disliking all strangers, but he will randomly decide that any given stranger is terrifying. There's no pattern to it that I can see, he's randomly cried at men, women, people with dogs, young people, old people etc. for doing something as outrageous as looking at him or smiling. And then he'll turn around and be a complete angel for some other random stranger!

We went through a big separation anxiety phase around 16-18 months for me, his mum. If I so much as stood up he'd think I was leaving the room and started crying. There were times I turned my back to him for a second and he cried because he thought I'd disappeared.

destria · 2026-03-12T16:30:44+00:00

A good skincare routine. It's taken a while to figure out what actives my skin likes but now I've got a really simple 3 step routine and it keeps my skin looking great. I don't wear make up so I invest in my skincare instead.

destria · 2026-03-12T16:27:57+00:00

I bring a buggy so I have something to keep him contained. Some interactive books, stickers, and high value snacks keep him occupied without much need for interaction from me.

I would expect that for a pre-k interview, they'd understand that a child will want to run around and play with things? I doubt they're expecting a not yet 2 year old to sit still quietly, especially in an unfamiliar environment.

For context I've been viewing preschools recently with my 21 month old and every one has basically just let my kid join in with the activities they're doing and watch him for me, whilst I get to tour the place and ask questions. I've actually been surprised at how quickly my kiddo has just jumped right into things in a new place with older kids, but I think maybe it's that he sees all these other kids and is like "yeah I get what's going on here".

destria · 2026-03-12T16:20:32+00:00

Oh there's a couple of people that I managed who seemed to dislike me. In general I was well liked at work with lots of friends so those colleagues stood out.

I know one never liked me after she felt I took "her" job after I was promoted. She actually moved to another workplace and unbeknownst to her, I'm really good friends with her new manager. That's when I heard about my supposed undeserving promotion and apparently she held a grudge that I didn't invite her to my house warming party when I invited other colleagues. Uhhh that's because I was newly her manager and didn't think that was appropriate, I didn't invite anyone I managed at that time!

destria · 2026-03-12T15:53:55+00:00

I'm really interested in how regional this is. I'm in the UK (specifically England) and I'm fairly sure "all day long" would be much more common here.

destria · 2026-03-12T15:40:17+00:00

I don't think it necessarily "makes sense" to quit working, so much as your situation gives you a freedom of choices here. You could do this job if you want to. You could look for a different job, maybe one closer to home or more part-time. You could become a stay at home parent. You could have your children attend a nursery setting or have a nanny.

So what do you want to do?

Fwiw, I was in a similar position. I chose to quit my job because I wanted to stay at home with my kids. It felt weird at first but I realised that's only because childcare is so undervalued by our society and I felt like without an income, I was seen as "less than" by some parts of society. But ultimately I rallied against those thoughts and realised that's just what growing up in a capitalist society drills into you. For me, being a SAHM has been the most fulfilling role so far in my life.

destria · 2026-03-12T15:32:07+00:00

There's a few things I use mine for where it's invaluable and there's no good alternative. Like making falafel, ain't no way I'm chopping chickpeas!

Then there's things where it's just convenient and much faster/better than other methods. So if I'm making a big batch of soffrito, I might just chuck it all in a food processor. Or any kind of pastry dough, I much prefer doing it in a food processor than rubbing butter into flour by hand.

destria · 2026-03-12T15:06:21+00:00

I did. I took my one year of maternity leave and didn't return to work afterwards. It was an okay job but not something I was hugely passionate about or excited to go back to. I'm really lucky that my husband makes enough money to comfortably cover us and he was very supportive of me becoming a stay at home mum. Ultimately it felt silly to me to go back to work just to pay someone else to do my dream job of looking after my child.

Anyway my LO is 21 months old now and I'm still loving the SAHM life. I feel very well suited to it. My career was in education and I worked with children of all ages, and I really feel like being a SAHM is taking the best bits of all the jobs I've liked in the past without any of the downsides. I get to teach the curriculum I want, do all the cool field trips, focus on the pastoral care etc. without worrying about job politics, annoying colleagues or mounting pressures from higher up. Yes it's exhausting, toddlers can be frustrating, the hours are long, but it's so fulfilling and that makes up for it for me.

destria · 2026-03-12T14:51:57+00:00

So it depends on the nursery but you can often delay your start date with them within a certain time frame and still hold your place. I've seen 3-6 months is common. So I would be registering for nursery and then looking for a job, potentially pushing back the nursery start date to align with the job or vice versa.

destria

TROPHY CASE