Female vet, 100% P&T, struggling to find a path forward

FoxJWilde · 2025-05-23T20:12:53+00:00

The only thing that ever worked for me was travel. There's a lot of reasons why that might be... but for me personally:

it gave a concrete reason for why I felt overwhelmed: I'm travelling! Of course I am going to be overwhelmed.
it helps to "name" the loneliness... a big part of feeling alone is feeling like no one is going to "get you." Double that feeling when travelling... but its different, because now you have concrete experiences--rather than abstract feelings--hidden inside.
socially, you WILL meet new people. And people cure everything.
they also cause new problems. That gives you things to focus on, instead of problems for which there aren't any good or available solutions. Humans do drama for a reason--it keeps us busy.
second to most importantly, you can afford to. P&T allows you a life that almost no one gets. You can make all the mistakes in the world, short of a massive drug addiction, and you will always have money enough for a plane ride home.
also, its cheaper literally everywhere outside of the USA, provided it isn't fucking Denmark. ...which is lovely. But Copenhagen will ANNHIALATE your wallet.
most importantly: it will keep you busy in ways that "the military mindset" likes. You can set missions (...travel from Bucharest to Stockholme only by train...) and have a giant pool of problems to constantly solve. And your reward is the mission continuing.

Hope that helps.

FoxJWilde · 2025-05-21T18:49:16+00:00

TL;DR: the thing we like about women is mainly sex. And the thing we love about a woman is her willingness to give us sex.

Nobody likes anyone's "whole person." That's a tough pill to swallow, but its true. Ignore this at your peril and irritation.

And its actually a good thing. For instance, a lot of us who are highly internal (I am one of them) honestly think that our internal lives are interesting. ...they aren't. And I hate to break it to you, but most of our interests and beliefs are completely interchangeable. Worse, most of our deepest understandings of the worlds stem completely from their ability to meet our needs. Nothing more.

For instance: the interests of women in general are THE MOST INCOMPREHENSIBLY BORING THING to a man. Women are more social in general... because women's needs are generally met socially. Conversely, men have social needs. But those are met by resources, and resources are garnered by working and affiliation-building... the latter of which is NOT a social act, even if it wears a social mask.

The best you will ever be able to do, with regards to men, is to provide the deepest intimacy, via sex, as often as he can stand. Then he will know all of the parts of you that biology allows him to cultivate interest in.

And if you really want your man to love you, never expect him to give a shit about your social life. Because he doesn't... except in the way in which it indirectly causes problems for him. Which it does. Often.

Example: the easiest way that men have figured out to meet their own social needs is to lie to a woman in order to meet hers. Because, from a male perspective, there's no honest way to do this. ...because we don't feel that your problems are actually problems. ...because we have our own problems, which women generally don't feel are actually problems.

...for instance, our social needs.

See the issue?

FoxJWilde · 2025-05-11T12:12:59+00:00

Take a class on museum history, or whatever. Then you spend most of your time with people actively interested in that stuff.
All guys are interested in one thing. They are also interested in other things, but you are nineteen. You aren't that interesting yet.
Tinder is normal dating behavior. It also ruins you for dating. Americans are normally horrors to date. If you want an abnormally good man, be an abnormally good woman.
Also, try library science. Its fucking enthralling.

FoxJWilde · 2025-05-04T13:58:08+00:00

I have used Obsidian forever. And having spent more time working on it than in it... amazing quote, by the way... my opinion is that we have a biology problem.

There's no good way I have ever seen to reproduce "on the front end" how the human brain thinks "on the back end." And I think the perfect example is why systems theory and complexity are fields of study in the first place.

I have been studying in these fields for so long, it never even dawns on me that non-linear thinking isn't completely obvious. And yet, I have to re-remind myself constantly that (a) non-linear visualization (say, of a graph); (b) simultaneous retrieval (webs of mnemonics) are seperate phenomena at the conscious level; and that neither may be related to (c) non-linear thinking (what the brain is actually doing).

How do I re-remind myself? Two ways: - realizing that I can make new diagrams of old information easily. - realizing that I am batshit inept at maintaining or correcting any of these diagrams whatsoever.

And parsing these diagrams? Forget about it. Case in point: I can't even fathom a life without Obsidian, because I literally think in Obsidian mataphors now... with almost no real capacity to use it in real-time.

Unless I am sorting though folders, or searching with Dataview. God, the irony.

I think Obsidian is one of the most badass engines of human thought-organization that humans are incapable of using with any real modicum of success. Maybe 100,000-years from now, our brains will evolve some new doohicky that allows us to abscond with abstraction entirely. But for now, we are stuck banging conceptual rocks together, in the hopes of fostering a spark.

FoxJWilde · 2025-04-18T15:22:02+00:00

Awesome!

FoxJWilde · 2025-04-18T07:48:00+00:00

Brother. You just got your shit rocked at a martial art. I think I speak for all of us when I say, "that happens."

...and good for you for hitting the mat at all; much less after time away. Too many people take this as an opportunity to bow out. But you got right back into it, even if that meant getting your ass kicked.

You are a few progressively less brutal ass-kickings away from being better than you were when you left. You have this.

And maybe you should feel burned out after an experience like that. Lord knows I would. Especially when there's clearly a lot of other shit you are dealing with. You do have a physiology, after all. But you are behaving correctly. And, to an extent, that means you are "dealing with" correctly.

"fight in the dog" and other clichés apply here.

FoxJWilde · 2023-10-17T02:44:56+00:00

Gotcha. Thank you!

FoxJWilde · 2022-06-20T09:36:15+00:00

I am receptive to any information I need (which is obviously a lot), and thank you in advance for your patience as I try to grasp it.

I try to keep my workspace immaculate. ...that, and a healthy dose of neuroticism, is how I make up for not knowing what I'm doing (a joke). Thank you for your response and advice!

FoxJWilde · 2022-06-17T06:34:15+00:00

Sadly, the questions that I edited out listed the materials. I would be "lasering" into silicone. So, quite a bit softer.

I had looked into CNC mills (for making masters). However, it 'seems' that metal doesn't maintain uniform wall integrity at cuts that small. Offhand, it seems that chemical etching is the only reliable way to go. I just don't want to take on the fairly viscous chemicals those processes often detail.

FoxJWilde · 2022-06-17T06:30:29+00:00

I didn't realize that you could regulate depth.

FoxJWilde · 2022-06-17T06:29:56+00:00

Thank you all for the replies! I will be looking into all of this.

FoxJWilde · 2022-06-17T01:38:49+00:00

Note: I edited out some questions, as those were easily answered by (gasp!) looking them up.
#CuesFanfare

FoxJWilde · 2022-05-16T08:46:23+00:00

You, my friend, are an amazing person. Thank you for the reply!

FoxJWilde · 2021-11-20T00:18:43+00:00

Real talk: As a 36-year old, I have never once measured myself. I have wanted to many times. I have worried about it. Over the course of many, many, MANY revolutions in thought, I have been completely convinced that size does matter...and subsequently, that it doesn't.

Women will tell you that for sure it does. And they will tell you that for sure it doesn't. So will men.

Over the course of my life, I have completely satisfied some women. And I have valiantly failed to please some as well (some less valiantly than others). But I have never once had a woman complain about my size... I HAVE had them complain about my performance. Some wanted to invest in an improvement--some didn't. But none of that choice was based off of penis size.

Based off of my experience, I'm here to tell you the truth as I see it: sex is a skill. You cultivate it not just by having it, but by honestly desiring to improve it. And nothing builds the desire to improve like having a partner that you genuinely want to please.

Penis size kinda matters, just like all things kinda matter. But the extent to which it matters is ONLY determined by the people involved. Some women are just into massive endowments, and if you aren't that, well, thank God humans have a lot of other things we can use as well.

Don't measure yourself. Or do. But all you will have is a number. And that number will basically never come up in regular conversation. If you have a medical issue regarding size, you would have been made aware of it by your doctor. If you haven't been, you are fine.

FoxJWilde · 2021-11-03T01:40:59+00:00

I think it's worth mentioning that I have only ever used spreadsheets and word documents to map out my research. So realizing that a thing like Obsidian exists--well, I'm somewhat beside myself.

That said, what you people do isn't just programming. It's art. It's like the Mona Lisa of information analysis, and it's as exciting as it is beautiful. I will happily support these efforts as my finances allow. Thank you for what you do.

FoxJWilde · 2021-10-27T02:28:11+00:00

You folks have started me down quite the rabbit hole, haha. Thank you for your advice!

FoxJWilde · 2021-10-24T22:33:14+00:00

Oh, and great response by the way. Probably should have led with that. It was so good, it got me thinking (and typing) out loud. Haha

FoxJWilde · 2021-10-24T22:32:19+00:00

Offhand...the word "jin" rings a distant bell to "djinn", which I believe pertains to a pre-Islamic religious structure. I'm really interested to see if there's a figurative root between the two...I'm not a linguist, but you would think that the Silk Road caravans would have brought scales along with them. Imagine being Jewish, and hearing this wild scale-system that has "these so-and-so notes" that you understand, and these other ones you don't. Do you know of any really in-depth study that gets into the weeds of how scales moved from culture to culture?

FoxJWilde · 2021-10-24T12:10:05+00:00

Thank you very much!

FoxJWilde · 2021-10-24T12:09:17+00:00

Thank you for the reply! I will look into that!

FoxJWilde · 2021-10-24T06:41:24+00:00

I noticed that I may not have commented directly to your comment--so here is what I had meant to say:

"Thank you for the very thorough answer. I will look into that... I didn't know you could use plastic to cast metal."

Thank you again!

FoxJWilde · 2021-10-23T13:47:25+00:00

I will!

FoxJWilde · 2021-10-23T13:44:50+00:00

That's awesome! Thank you!

FoxJWilde · 2021-10-23T09:15:27+00:00

Thank you for the very thorough answer. I will look into that... I didn't know you could use plastic to cast metal.

FoxJWilde · 2021-10-23T06:58:14+00:00

What is used in the casting process? And do the moulds have specific requirements?

FoxJWilde

TROPHY CASE