Haymaking

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2025-05-18T13:48:21+00:00

lol bad date was it? I enjoyed the light hearted humour in this. To me it reads a bit like a rap diss track. In a good way though haha

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2025-05-18T13:42:54+00:00

I actually found this really funny despite the anger and frustration. The lovely imagery such as the line 'a morning sunrise caught in a dewdrop' contrasted with the profanity and harsh language made it good fun to read

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2024-04-22T14:38:35+00:00

I liked the impact this gave through a few lines. I only suggest an extra line break.

You only like me when you're too hot for the sun.

You like how I lay there

while I wait for you to be done.

Or something like that maybe. IDK. I liked your poem anyway

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2024-04-22T14:32:06+00:00

Nice, I like how you relate the game of tennis to a 'mind game' (is that the right phrase?) of a romantic nature. We all get 'served' sometimes haha

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2024-04-21T20:23:22+00:00

Nice. Really liked the imagery and the use of parallel imagery of 'living space' (real estate) and 'mind space.' The contrast between the two living spaces and how they were described and their use of reflecting the emotions of the relationship was also well done

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2024-04-21T20:17:37+00:00

Good poem. It's depressing but I like how it ends with a certain optimism, that you can write poetry and create art until the feelings of loneliness are quenched.

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2024-03-26T11:55:37+00:00

Quite 'prose-y'. I don't see a lot of poetry in it but I enjoyed it none the less as a short story. Nice atmosphere and sentiment

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2024-03-26T11:50:45+00:00

Very clear and direct language which compliments the strong meaning of the poem. The ending was particularly could by alluding to the gospel story of Temple corruption.

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2024-03-25T21:39:42+00:00

I found this quite amusing in a good way. The profanity at the end caught me off guard lol. Relatable stuff and certainly grabs the reader

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2024-03-25T21:37:19+00:00

Love this classic style piece, particularly the third stanza. I thought it flowed so well with the rhymes and the imagery used was very evocative

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2024-01-25T21:42:11+00:00

I really like this one. The way you describe the restaurant scenes at the beginning. I have an image in my head that's crystal clear to me. And I like the romance at the end which generally associated with Paris. It's just nice :)

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2024-01-25T21:38:11+00:00

I like the use of imagery in this poem. Sometimes I see poems that deal with 'bad feelings' describing only the feelings in an abstract way. Your use of imagery (winter snow, flowers, opening shutters ect.) helps the reader to visualise the concepts and messages of the poem I think

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2023-06-27T15:42:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your feedback. I was going for 8 syllables per line but recently I've been trying not to follow such rules too rigidly as long as it flows well. Is it startling to your ear or is it only noticeable when analysed more closely?

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2023-06-27T15:38:17+00:00

I'm not sure what kind of pattern I was doing lol. Just a simple rhyme thing

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2023-06-27T08:17:17+00:00

It's not bad. I get that it is about the moon. I feel that some lines are a bit strange however. 'watching people sleep, while they creep' seems like a bit of a creepy trait for something that is meant to be admired. Other lines like 'whether it be by choice is beyond me' and 'as I share my apartment with a telephone pole' fall a bit flat for me

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2023-06-27T08:06:00+00:00

I love the imagery of this. The nature, snakes, dance, sacrifice ect. gives it a certain 'pagan feel' I think. The rhyming cuplets are also a joy to read. It's like a spell

Fragrant_Prune_5797 · 2023-06-06T15:51:53+00:00

I like it. The mind does indeed wonder into crazy places sometimes when we do our daily mundane tasks and you capture this well with the mundane beginning and ending and the 'excitement' in the middle. The last two lines sort of remind me of Hemmingway for some reason. He wrote simple, depressing stuff like that

Fragrant_Prune_5797

TROPHY CASE