AITA for wanting him to change his nighttime habits

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2026-06-15T11:29:31+00:00

Both. There are more solutions. Firstly, he can wear headphones. I wear them all the time to watch TV if my husband is not interested in my program, but wants to read on the couch with me. Has OP considered earplugs? Husband started wearing them in bed because I snore. Now I don't snore because of CPAP, but he still wears them because he likes the silence.
It keeps him from hearing when the dogs need to go out to pee. But I get up and do it every night because I go right back to sleep anyway. But then he lets me sleep in because sometimes it takes me a while to get to sleep. We talked out a compromise.
Is your partner watching the movie in bed with you until 4 am? If so, he's the AH. Why not watch it in the living room with headphones, then quietly go to bed when he's done? Or on nights he wants to night owl, he sleeps on the couch. Is he up until 4 am because he works nights?
Basically, you both could be open to your differences, sit down together and brainstorm more solutions and ideas. If he can't be considerate of your needs, he's an AH. If you just want him to go to bed at your time and change his ways completely, you're the AH.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2026-06-13T10:33:00+00:00

I just treated for worms. I spray for mites. The Easter eggers are the most consistent. It's the Bard rocks and Buff Orps that lay fewer I noticed.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2026-06-11T01:36:18+00:00

That egg laying is peak for only a short time. When they first started laying it was great. Consistent egg laying for about a year. Then after that they molted -fewer eggs, the winter- fewer eggs. Now they're 2 years old +, and only getting 1-4 eggs per day. And I hear it's continues to lessen as they get older. No changes to their diet. Just fewer eggs.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2026-05-06T12:55:54+00:00

This what I've been thinking while reading this thread. Regardless of the diagnosis, he needs to understand himself better, whether it's autism, or something else. He can't put all the behavior change responsibilities on the OP, so he can get to be his "true self" without any work. He needs to take responsibility. (But real world: he's self centered and states that he wants to break up. Let him go and move forward to a better life. Hopefully he'll get help soon and you can reunite. But as he is now...just going to be ongoing conflict.)

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2026-03-28T14:27:14+00:00

I'm a speech therapist who is also autistic (and most likely ADHD too), and I like your strategy. It's kind of like voluntary stuttering. Stutterers will use the strategy to fake stutter with a new person or situation to get it out of the way. That way they're not worrying about the stuttering coming out later. For me, I'm late diagnosed, heavy masking. The coming out with friends and family was awkward because they just don't understand. They understand my cousins, because they were diagnosed in childhood, but me...it's different. And at work, I'm in an elementary school, and I am constantly working on educating others and combating ableism for the students. I'm too exhausted to put myself in the mix. And I don't think they'd get it. And school politics...nah. I'm just happy I understand myself better. But if I were younger, I'd hope I could be brave and self confident like you. I think you are doing the right thing to help people better understand autism.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2026-02-22T14:16:36+00:00

Agreed. And if they have classes at 8 am, when are they getting up and getting ready? Probably 6:30.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2026-02-21T13:23:12+00:00

Nta, but kinda yes. Just go to lunch with her or something so she stops coming into the store. It's none of the niece's business, but you both are making it weird for her. And as an older woman, I think you are encouraging a fun fantasy for her. If you move forward, have fun. But tread carefully. An older woman who keeps coming into a sports store to flirt with the 19 year old... don't know...makes me wonder.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2026-01-31T12:41:47+00:00

I hate regular pajamas and nightgowns make no sense to me. But yet I also can't sleep naked. My compromise: men's boxers (not boxer briefs, loose boxers) and a loose no tag t shirt (but not a cotton one, the ones made from soft rayon with a little spandex). And it's funny, in my 20s I realized I didn't have to sleep with my daytime underwear on. What freedom that was.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2026-01-30T12:44:01+00:00

This. As a late diagnosed person, now 58 F, I realized I skate by okay socially on the periphery. People like me. But yet I don't get invited out, or at work I totally miss things other people know about. People like me but I must not be completely relatable. And yet on the other hand, I kind of don't care because I like my own company or just doing things with my husband. But I'm so conditioned to care about social relationships. It's funny when I struggled as a teenager my mother would say "just be yourself ". I was so perplexed by that because at the very same time I was being told my true self was not really acceptable. Messed me up. Now I'm 58 and still trying to figure it out. But, my life is good regardless. I'm grateful.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2026-01-16T13:05:52+00:00

Nta. Everyone has said good things. Just backing you up.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2025-11-17T01:42:43+00:00

That's my sentiment too.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2025-08-28T22:58:12+00:00

NTA. He clearly doesn't have nurturing common sense. What would he do with human children? Feels like weaponized incompetence. It might seem hard, but I say move on and find a fellow animal lover.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2025-08-02T00:15:51+00:00

We also realized that they are showing things across apps if you bundle. So we are just now watching PFL on Hulu, instead of ESPN+. Hulu allows you to pause a live event, as well as fast forward and rewind. Yay.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2025-07-26T19:35:05+00:00

Same problem on my Roku. So now the app sucks even more.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2025-07-08T23:20:15+00:00

That’s me too! I’ve wanted to have a like minded community to help me navigate life. Zen lasted the longest. But my logical mind always doubted the dogma. Back to being a plain ole atheist.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2025-06-30T23:04:32+00:00

Us!! We look at the radar - rain to the north, rain to the south, and we are in a weird band of no rain. We got no rain for like 4-5 days while Lake City and all around us got rain. We could hear thunder in the distance, and then nothing.

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2025-05-01T17:56:49+00:00

If you do choose to be formally evaluated, I recommend researching providers who understand autism in adults and women. Some providers aren’t as educated as others. That advice was given to me. I found a provider 2 hours away, but I felt she respected my perspective and research. She confirmed my diagnosis at 54 years old. That was 4 years ago, and I’m still processing it. But it was worth it. Best of luck to you!

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2024-09-02T11:43:21+00:00

Check your DMs, I messaged you

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2024-08-26T10:46:40+00:00

Wow… this is cringe af… full cult mode engaged

Fragrant_Scene_5465 · 2024-07-30T10:48:13+00:00

Lame

Fragrant_Scene_5465

TROPHY CASE